Post # 1
Okay bees! I have a little bit of a pickle I need some help with!
I was recently given a gift from a friend- a very dear friend that I love. The thing is… the gift was made by a former friend… She said some very horrible things about me years ago and spread rumours that were absolutely not true and had no basis whatsoever of being even half true.
My good friend is still friends with this lady- and is trying to help built up this lady’s business- which I totally admire her doing something like that- it’s the type of person she is.
I do not want this gift. I know it is childish- but the things former friend said is unforgivable. I do not want any type of connection or ‘bad vibes’ this gift may bring. I know that former friend knows where this ‘gift’ went and she’s the type (at least towards me) to take great pleasure in knowing that I was given something that was apart of her work (stupid I know).
I do not want this gift in my possession- I was not expecting a gift at all (which was a nice gesture by my friend to give anyway). Do I tell my friend I do not want it and she can give to someone else? Or perhaps maybe get some sort of credit? Or do I just donate it to a charity without saying anything?
Post # 2
I think telling your good friend “Thanks for the gift, but Sarah and I don’t get along anymore so I’m giving the gift back to you” might do more harm than good. I would just donate it and not say anything, or if it’s something to be displayed, toss it in the closet and pull it out when your friend visits maybe.
Post # 3
What is it? I’m so curious. I recommend donating it if you don’t feel comfortable returning to the friend who gave it to you.
Post # 4
I would be honest. I would say “thank you for thinking of me but considering the demise of my friendship with _____ I feel very uncomfortable receiving a gift made by her.”
Post # 5
It’s a necklace. A very pretty and well made necklace. I can’t deny that she does good work and power to her for going after her dream (before our falling out- she always talked about making her own jewelry). I just don’t want anything to do with her or it.
I think I can easily explain to my friend why “thanks but no thanks” I just don’t know if returning it is the right thing to do.
Post # 6
AllAboutThatBass : It depends. If you don’t mind the fact you returned it to the giver getting back to the person who made the necklace then go for it. If you want to be the most quiet about it, simply donate it or give it to someone else (with the explanation you’ve given here). Probably donating it would cause the least drama. There is no clear-cut right or wrong.
Post # 7
AllAboutThatBass : I’d probably donate it to be honest. I wouldn’t want to hurt my friend’s feelings or give the ex-friend more reason to stir up or feed into the drama.
Post # 8
I would donate it and be done with it. Returning it will cause more drama than it’s worth.
Post # 9
Does your friend know anything about the falling out? I would almost always just quietly donate, but if she knows anything at all about the history and background of the relationship between you and this woman, I would tell her that I am uncomfortable accepting the gift.
Post # 10
- Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club
I would donate it and move on.
Post # 11
I would give it back to the friend, id be more hurt to find you just gave it way… you may not like the person who made it but why punish your friend for that?
if you explain it im sure your friend would appreciate the reason and probably keep it or re-gift it to someone else or tell you to regift it but I honestly think it should be up to the friend, it seems backhanded to do it behind her back
also if you do it secretly then the old friend will still ‘take great pleasure’ in it because no one would no you dont have it anymore
Post # 12
I wouldn’t give away the gift. I probably would put it in a box and keep it out of sight in a closet or drawer. If your dear friend (who gave you the gift) asks about it, you can be honest and tell her why you aren’t comfortable wearing it and that you didn’t want to offend her by returning it. At that point, you could offer to give it back to your friend in case she may want to wear it.
Post # 13
weddingmaven : She knows. She was almost in the middle of it. Former friend dragged her in spewing lies. I just thought it was between me and former friend. I didn’t say anything to friends about what was happening.
About 5 years after it happened. It came up during a girl wine night (just me and her). I finally told her my side… since as I said before. It was an issue between me and ex-friend. I didn’t want to drag anyone else into it.
Post # 14
- Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom
Maybe wear it in front of her once or twice, then donate it quietly. If she ever asks about it just tell a white lie and say the clasp broke and you lost it somewhere.
Post # 15
AllAboutThatBass : Your friend meant well when she gave a gift made by one friend to another friend.
I would donate the necklace to a charity of your choice, perhaps a group looking for items for a silent auction. Attaching a card identifying the maker would be taking the high road.