(Closed) Return gift or donate?

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

I think telling your good friend “Thanks for the gift, but Sarah and I don’t get along anymore so I’m giving the gift back to you” might do more harm than good. I would just donate it and not say anything, or if it’s something to be displayed, toss it in the closet and pull it out when your friend visits maybe.

Post # 3
Member
10033 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

What is it?  I’m so curious.  I recommend donating it if you don’t feel comfortable returning to the friend who gave it to you.

Post # 4
Member
5094 posts
Bee Keeper

I would be honest. I would say “thank you for thinking of me but considering the demise of my friendship with _____ I feel very uncomfortable receiving a gift made by her.”

Post # 6
Member
10033 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

AllAboutThatBass :  It depends.  If you don’t mind the fact you returned it to the giver getting back to the person who made the necklace then go for it.  If you want to be the most quiet about it, simply donate it or give it to someone else (with the explanation you’ve given here).  Probably donating it would cause the least drama.  There is no clear-cut right or wrong.

Post # 7
Member
202 posts
Helper bee

AllAboutThatBass :  I’d probably donate it to be honest. I wouldn’t want to hurt my friend’s feelings or give the ex-friend more reason to stir up or feed into the drama. 

Post # 8
Member
7442 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I would donate it and be done with it. Returning it will cause more drama than it’s worth. 

Post # 9
Member
11771 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Does your friend know anything about the falling out? I would almost always just quietly donate, but if she knows anything at all about the history and background of the relationship between you and this woman, I would tell her that I am uncomfortable accepting the gift. 

Post # 10
Member
2612 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

I would donate it and move on.

Post # 11
Member
2149 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I would give it back to the friend, id be more hurt to find you just gave it way… you may not like the person who made it but why punish your friend for that?

if you explain it im sure your friend would appreciate the reason and probably keep it or re-gift it to someone else or tell you to regift it but I honestly think it should be up to the friend, it seems backhanded to do it behind her back

also if you do it secretly then the old friend will still ‘take great pleasure’ in it because no one would no you dont have it anymore

Post # 12
Member
11449 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I wouldn’t give away the gift. I probably would put it in a box and keep it out of sight in a closet or drawer. If your dear friend (who gave you the gift) asks about it, you can be honest and tell her why you aren’t comfortable wearing it and that you didn’t want to offend her by returning it. At that point, you could offer to give it back to your friend in case she may want to wear it.

Post # 14
Member
4235 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

Maybe wear it in front of her once or twice, then donate it quietly. If she ever asks about it just tell a white lie and say the clasp broke and you lost it somewhere.

Post # 15
Member
47175 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

AllAboutThatBass :  Your friend meant well when she gave a gift made by one friend to another friend.

I would donate the necklace to a charity of your choice,  perhaps a group looking for items for a silent auction. Attaching a card identifying the maker would be taking the high road.

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