(Closed) Return gift or donate?

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 31
1094 posts
Bumble bee

donate it and be done.

talking about it will do more harm and will make you looka little catty 

Post # 32
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I would give it away, maybe re-gift it. And if she asks say something like, I found it wasn’t really my style and I thought soandso would get more use out of it. 

Post # 33
1744 posts
Bumble bee

Tell the gift giver to butt out of your relationship (or lack of) with necklace maker.  Stop trying to fascilitate a reconcilation or she risks damaging her relationship with you.  You are perfectly happy without necklace maker in your life.  Reconcilation takes two parties – and despite the fact that necklace maker seems to want to actively deal with the past, you do not.  

ETA:  I’d also tell gift giver that  that you’re not sure why she’s so invested in getting everyone back together but taking it upon herself to invite necklace maker to your birthday party and ambush you was a REALLY bad idea, and that she needs to stop. 

Post # 34
88 posts
Worker bee

After reading your update I’d seriously be considering my friendship with friend A.  She shouldn’t have gotten in the middle of things, and when you told her that you weren’t interested in a friendship/reconciliation with friend X, that should have been the end of it.

Post # 36
2762 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

View original reply
AllAboutThatBass :  “hey friend A, I think we need to talk. I know that you like it when everyone gets along and feel more at peace when you’re not stuck ‘between’ opposing parties. So I think it’d be best for everyone involved if you weren’t in the middle anymore between X and I ever again. Don’t ever feel like you have to broker negotiations, send me her ‘gifts’, invite her to a party or anything. I just never want to be her friend again. I felt incredibly uncomfortable having to see her at my birthday shindig and don’t ever want a repeat of that. While I appreciate your efforts in getting us to talk and reconcile it’s just never gonna happen and I’d like to still have a friendship with YOU, without her in the mix. I’ve never asked you to choose a ‘side’ since you’re good friends with me and also with her, I just don’t want anything to do with HER. Think we can do that?”

If she ever brings up X again just gently rebuke her “oh A we’d already agreed never to talk about X between us remember? Tell me more about your ______.”


Cuz uhh yeah, what she did was ambush you in your birthday. Not cool at all. BUT, I’ve also been in her shoes and know how hard it is to have two very good friends who can’t stand each other. Or have one of them be ready to ‘talk’ and not the other one so I’m giving A the benefit of the doubt here. The yuuuuuge benefit of the doubt. If you want to maintain this friendship then you can simply tell her to butt out (gently) and go your merry way. 

Post # 37
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Wow, friend A is seriously in the wrong no matter which way you spin it. If a genuine reconciliation was desired by friend X then she should have approached you herself and not been a part of the secret gift giving plan. And I would say something to friend A along the lines of “while I understand your heart was in the right place, please stop getting in the middle of this and trying to force a reconciliation, as I have no interest having her back in my life. And to be honest, even if that may have been on the cards one day, the way all this has gone down has only reinforced my original position. Please stop”

Both friend A and X are handling themselves poorly, and I feel for you being stuck in this position.

Post # 38
1118 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I would donate it. Returning it will only bring up more drama and potentially cause issues with the friend you still have. 

Post # 39
911 posts
Busy bee

Friend A is being totally intrusive and inappropriate. I would probably just not engage with her for awhile. That isn’t good friend behavior.

Post # 40
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I wouldn’t be friends with friend A or X anymore to be honest. Friend A seems to not take a hint and is not respecting your wishes. And friend X is friend an ex for a reason. 

Post # 41
533 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Afetr your last update, I would cut them both out of my life.

Post # 42
1520 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Regift it to someone outside the circle.

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