Post # 1
Errrrrrrr I could scream! Maybe I’m just having one of those says, but I feel like all my buttons have been pushed. Do you ever feel like people are just asking too much?
Some of you may remember that a while back I was having issues with my mean in-laws and their terrible teenaged son. Well here we go again…round three. This time isn’t as bad as the others and maybe this is more of a rant than anything, but I’m just so sick of everyone expecting me to bend over backwards for this kid.
For those of you who don’t know I’ll quickly summarize. My FI’s little brother has lived with us a couple times only to result in disasters and he’s incrediablly rude and disrespectful. He has, however, apologized for many of his wrongful actions and now we’re on speaking terms again.
Back to today. Today is his birthday. I’m all for celebrating people’s birthdays and making it a special time for them, but seriously when is enough, enough? Last weekend FI’s little brother announces “It’s my birthday weekend, do something special for me.” I was sitting there wondering, “ummm isn’t your bday in 6 days,” but we still proceeded to take him out and buy him a couple of drinks (we’re in Canada 19 is legal). Then, last night we invited him over for dinner because Fiance and I knew we’d be too tired today to do anything for him (both working long hours).
Well now apparently FI’s mom has called and said we better be doing a cake for him TODAY because today is his birthday and the other days don’t count. She’s also mad that we only spent about $30 on his birthday gift and wants us to give him an additional $40 tonight inside a card. That is to go along with another $40 that his other brother already gave him today. AND FI’s little brother annouces again today that this coming weekend is “his birthday weekend” because last weekend was Halloween. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??
I don’t know if I’m being crazed or what, but this is not normal in my family. You don’t get hundreds of dollars spent on you for your 20th birthday and you certainly don’t get 2 weeks to celebrate. Please someone valadate my frustration. I just can’t believe these people! And of course now FI’s parents are aking what’s up with me? Why am I being such a little b***h. UGH!!
If I’m being irrational I would also appreciate a slap in the face because at this point I don’t know what to do with myself!! lol.
Post # 3
Wow… I will validate your frustration! 20 is too damn old to be expecting to be showered with gifts and attention. This kid sounds unbelievably spoiled. If your Future In-Laws aren’t even raising their own son, they do not get to tell you how much to spend on his ridiculous birthday demands.
Where is your Fiance in all this? Is he defending you at all? His family sounds very dysfunctional, and he needs to do his part to protect your relationship by putting his foot down and not leave you hanging out to dry with your in-laws. You shouldn’t be made to look like the bad guy here.
Post # 4
Since when does anyone tell grown adults what they should do? (Edit: ok, this happens ALL the time – but that doesn’t mean it’s OK!!!)
If you don’t want to give him a cake ‘today’ or give him extra $$, don’t.
And, if your Future Mother-In-Law balks – just tell her that’s all you can do.
Why are you even letting her treat you like this?
I can understand if she calls and wants to do the cake today – and I can also understand a 20 year old wanting to celebrate the whole month long (heck, I’m all for a month of b’day celebrations) – but demanding that you do something you don’t want to do is where the line needs to be drawn.
What does Fiance think about all this???
Post # 5
Fiance is sick of it too, but mommy dearest likes to pull out the tyrant card sometimes. She’s moved on from being controlling in an agressive way to being controlling in a passive way. In other words she’s guilt tripping us big time. “Don’t you want to celebrate with your little brother?” “Your brother doesn’t have as much money as you guys, you should want to help him out on his birthday” etc. etc.
I’m so fed up I think I’m just going to go home tonight and ignore everyone!
Post # 6
@mrs.peters.to.be: ewwww! you need to just tell her to chill! I think you need to come up with a few key phrases you can use for her ‘well-meant advice” – such as:
Thanks for letting us know, I’ll talk to Fiance about it.
Really? That’s too bad (change subject)
No, we decided we are doing ‘x’
Seriously – that woman needs to be trained NOW – or else your married life will be out.of.control
Post # 7
I’m curious–why is the kid living with you?
I’m also wondering what’s going on with the kid–it’s not normal to feel compelled to remind people that it’s your birthday. Sure, it’s possible that he’s unbelievably spoiled, but I wondered if in combination wtih him living with you if there are problems at home?
Anyway, yes, he and your Future Mother-In-Law are annoying, but nevertheless, I’d do something–even if it’s small–just to acknowledge his birthday. I mean, yes you took him out for a drink before, but I think it’s important to recognize someone’s birthday on the actual day–it really sucks if your birthday isn’t recognized on the actual day. Just DON’T do all the things that his mom wants you to do if you don’t want to. Really out of line to tell you how much to spend. If I had the cajones, I’d tell her that SHE can give him all that money if SHE wants to.
Post # 8
Wow…guess it is pretty clear where the problems stem from. GHe has a sense of entitlement that his parents have instilled in him. that doesn’t mean you have to go along with it, though. Do what you want to do for someone’s birthday! It’s their problem not yours!
Post # 9
Honestly, your FI’s brother sounds like a total brat. Showering him with gifts that he clearly doesn’t deserve sounds like the best way to encourage his bad behavior and perpetuate the brat cycle. I wouldn’t give him anymore than the present you’ve already got him, and if your Future Mother-In-Law wants to pull a guilt trip, just ignore it. I’ve had relatives who like to guilt trip, but I found that pretending it doesn’t bother me is the best way to combat it. Eventually it really did stop bothering me, and then they stopped guilt tripping me because they never got a reaction.
Post # 10
It sounds like this kid is a spoiled brat and the parents encourage that. Don’t feel guilty at all. DO set your boundaries and KEEP THEM. Don’t give him any more money either.
Post # 11
Wow… I love birthdays, and I remind my Fiance and my parents about them a couple of weeks in advance :). But that is crazy. I’ve never expected to have a whole month for a birthday celebration (other than jokingly). It seems like the kid is milking it for all he’s worth. 😛
And boundaries might be a very good place to start with the Mother-In-Law before this gets even crazier!
Post # 12
I’m with oracle: Time to practice some stonewalling phrases.
Thanks for the suggestion. I’ll see what FH says.
Thanks for reminding me.
Thanks for the suggestion. etc etc etc
You don’t have to AGREE with or DO anything you don’t want to do as a couple.
The rest of your life is going to be like this with your Mother-In-Law if you don’t draw some boundaries. You don’t have to have a major confrontation about it- just acknowledge what she says and move on.
Post # 13
@oracle: Unfortunately I’ve tried…I think I need better wit!
@JennyW1: He isn’t living with us anymore. He originally lived with me down south when Fiance was working up North because everyone thought it would be nice for me to have a guy around and FI’s little brother was getting mixed up with bad people in his home town. The second time (after Fiance and I were back living together) we were living in our place up North here and he came for the same reason: to get away from a bad lifestyle. Both times we ended up being shorted rent and having our places trashed. He’s since given an apology for all this.
There is no doubt he’s a mix of a problem child and a spoiled brat so I think this explains it all. He thinks the world owes him something and he has a crazy cocky attitude that the world revolves around him. Now that he’s living on his own I think his parents are trying to guilt us because we’re not supporting him anymore.
I think in the end we’ve resolved to do cake at the other brother’s house tonight and we’re only going to stay for an hour or two (just talked to Fiance thank goodness!). We’re not shelling out anymore cash considering we just paid a $500 lawyer’s fee today and I had to cancel a hair appointment because of it. That kid has another thing coming if he thinks I’m shelling out my last few bucks so I can go without while he spends my money on a bag of weed or something.
Ugh sorry ladies…I’m just so fed up with the attitude!
Post # 14
Yeah, no…. My boyfriend might be getting $30 worth of gift from me (mind you, I’m on a tight budget.) It is NOT your job to provide a cake. Doing ANYTHING is optional!
Post # 15
Someone needs to give the kid a reality check. lol At 20 years old, it doesn’t sound like his parents gave him very realistic expectations of what the world is really like.
Post # 16
@pumpkinpatch: No not one bit! Haha sheesh!