(Closed) Return of the rotten brat….am I being a biotch??

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Wow… I will validate your frustration! 20 is too damn old to be expecting to be showered with gifts and attention. This kid sounds unbelievably spoiled. If your Future In-Laws aren’t even raising their own son, they do not get to tell you how much to spend on his ridiculous birthday demands.

Where is your Fiance in all this? Is he defending you at all? His family sounds very dysfunctional, and he needs to do his part to protect your relationship by putting his foot down and not leave you hanging out to dry with your in-laws. You shouldn’t be made to look like the bad guy here.

 

Post # 4
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Since when does anyone tell grown adults what they should do?  (Edit: ok, this happens ALL the time – but that doesn’t mean it’s OK!!!)

If you don’t want to give him a cake ‘today’ or give him extra $$, don’t.

And, if your Future Mother-In-Law balks – just tell her that’s all you can do.

Why are you even letting her treat you like this?

I can understand if she calls and wants to do the cake today – and I can also understand a 20 year old wanting to celebrate the whole month long (heck, I’m all for a month of b’day celebrations) – but demanding that you do something you don’t want to do is where the line needs to be drawn.

What does Fiance think about all this???

Post # 6
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@mrs.peters.to.be:  ewwww!  you need to just tell her to chill!  I think you need to come up with a few key phrases you can use for her ‘well-meant advice” – such as:

Thanks for letting us know, I’ll talk to Fiance about it.

Really?  That’s too bad (change subject)

No, we decided we are doing ‘x’

Seriously – that woman needs to be trained NOW – or else your married life will be out.of.control

Post # 7
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’m curious–why is the kid living with you?

I’m also wondering what’s going on with the kid–it’s not normal to feel compelled to remind people that it’s your birthday. Sure, it’s possible that he’s unbelievably spoiled, but I wondered if in combination wtih him living with you if there are problems at home?

Anyway, yes, he and your Future Mother-In-Law are annoying, but nevertheless, I’d do something–even if it’s small–just to acknowledge his birthday. I mean, yes you took him out for a drink before, but I think it’s important to recognize someone’s birthday on the actual day–it really sucks if your birthday isn’t recognized on the actual day. Just DON’T do all the things that his mom wants you to do if you don’t want to. Really out of line to tell you how much to spend. If I had the cajones, I’d tell her that SHE can give him all that money if SHE wants to.  

Post # 8
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Wow…guess it is pretty clear where the problems stem from. GHe has a sense of entitlement that his parents have instilled in him. that doesn’t mean you have to go along with it, though. Do what you want to do for someone’s birthday! It’s their problem not yours!

Post # 9
Member
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Honestly, your FI’s brother sounds like a total brat. Showering him with gifts that he clearly doesn’t deserve sounds like the best way to encourage his bad behavior and perpetuate the brat cycle. I wouldn’t give him anymore than the present you’ve already got him, and if your Future Mother-In-Law wants to pull a guilt trip, just ignore it. I’ve had relatives who like to guilt trip, but I found that pretending it doesn’t bother me is the best way to combat it. Eventually it really did stop bothering me, and then they stopped guilt tripping me because they never got a reaction.

Post # 10
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

It sounds like this kid is a spoiled brat and the parents encourage that. Don’t feel guilty at all. DO set your boundaries and KEEP THEM. Don’t give him any more money either.

Post # 11
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Wow… I love birthdays, and I remind my Fiance and my parents about them a couple of weeks in advance :). But that is crazy. I’ve never expected to have a whole month for a birthday celebration (other than jokingly). It seems like the kid is milking it for all he’s worth. 😛

And boundaries might be a very good place to start with the Mother-In-Law before this gets even crazier!

Post # 12
Member
46336 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m with oracle: Time to practice some stonewalling phrases.

Thanks for the suggestion. I’ll see what FH says.

Thanks for reminding me.

Thanks for the suggestion. etc etc etc

You don’t have to AGREE with or DO anything you don’t want to do as a couple.

The rest of your life is going to be like this with your Mother-In-Law if you don’t draw some boundaries. You don’t have to have a major confrontation about it- just acknowledge what she says and move on.

Post # 14
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Yeah, no….  My boyfriend might be getting $30 worth of gift from me (mind you, I’m on a tight budget.)  It is NOT your job to provide a cake.  Doing ANYTHING is optional!

Post # 15
Member
489 posts
Helper bee

Someone needs to give the kid a reality check. lol At 20 years old, it doesn’t sound like his parents gave him very realistic expectations of what the world is really like.

The topic ‘Return of the rotten brat….am I being a biotch??’ is closed to new replies.

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