(Closed) Returning back to work….

posted 5 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
6110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m not even close to having a kid yet but this is something that worries me. I’m not afraid to miss him my child as bad as that sounds…it would make coming home even better. I do think it feels wrong to leave a 6 week old infant with a babysitter/day care. I hate that the U.S. has such a shitty maternity leave system. I understand that most woman can’t afford to be out of work for too long but I just think it’s awful that they’re forced the leave their baby so early. I plan to take off work for the first year of my child’s life. I’ll probably save the crap out of my sick leave and use all of that and then just go unpaid for the rest of the year. It sucks but I just can’t see going back to work until my child is at least 1 year.

Post # 5
869 posts
Busy bee

I am posting this in the hope that it will help you feel better about returning to work.  I posted something similar in another thread.  First, let me start by saying that I do not intend to offend anyone, being a Mom is the hardest role any of us will have and I admire and respect the choices and sacrifices that all moms make.  I think EVERY mom should get a medal.

With that being said, I think that I have a unique perspective in that I have older children (12 and 14) and a third on the way – any day.  I choose to continue working through my first two kids’ infant/toddler/elementary years because I received advice from an older mom who said that these years are “easier” compared to the teenage years. She said if she could re-do, she would work through the young years and be a Stay-At-Home Mom in the teenage years. I was shocked but this has absolutely turned out to be true.  Now in the teenage years is when my kids are facing big decisions with incredible consequences. They need constant rides to sports practice, social events, and investigative work – who else is going, are the parents really going to be home, etc. makes diaper changes and gymboree look like a walk in the park.

The other part is finances. Because I stayed in the work force and saved until it hurt, I could be a Stay-At-Home Mom tomorrow with my kids’ college education paid for and my retirement set.  Don’t underestimate the power of compounding interest. Was it always easy being a working mom, heck no. I cried my eyes out for 24 hours when i missed my son’s first birthday because of a required business trip. But i also have flexible hours and am able to be at my kids school for most activities and volunteer opportunities. There are pluses and minuses to returning to work. I would highly encourage you to think of the long term benefits as well.  I hope that helps, best wishes!

Post # 7
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

A story from my own life that might make you feel better:

My mother apparently was a Stay-At-Home Mom from my birth until I was two. She was with me 24/7, constantly caring for me, playing with me, talking to me, reading to me, etc. She then went back to work, and either my father was home during the day (he worked nights), or I was with the neighbor. I have NO MEMORY of the time when my mother was a Stay-At-Home Mom. Nada, zilch, zip, zero. Not even those memories where you think it’s your memory, but it’s just you imagining a story you’ve heard a million times. As far as I know, my mother has been working my entire existence. She is very annoyed with me for not remembering those first two years, lol.

Your feelings about having to leave your baby are entirely valid, but please know that the baby does not care and likely will not remember anything until it is around three. A llama could have taken care of me for the first two years of my life and I wouldn’t know the difference!

Post # 8
4415 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

One thing that also helps is how quickly your kid will come to LOVE going to daycare. My baby is only 3 1/2 months old, but when I start putting her in her carseat in the morning and say “are you ready to go to SCHOOL?” she immediately smiles!! She loves playing with the toys there and having so much interesting stuff to look at. So I don’t feel guilty at all sending her there, because it clearly makes her happy 🙂

Post # 11
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@eecuadrado:  First, good luck to your Fiance getting into the Academy.  It isn’t easy to get into, make it through and keep the grit and determination going.  I have several friends who have gone through and it’s not easy.  However, they all did survive and make it.  Secondly, I think going back to work after giving birth is one of the hardest things I have ever done.  I missed them horribly.  I cried.  It tore my heart apart.  But, then, it becomes routine.  I loved the place where I took my babies, and they loved it.  I loved the interaction, the play time, the education that they received.  They gained socialization skills, which is huge to me. ( Mine are old enough before all the play groups that are available now).  That being said, I am now a Stay-At-Home Mom.  This is different and unique for every family, every child.  I missed my kids, I worked, I did it.  If you can balance it, go for it.  I couldn’t and I have no issue admitting that. 

Back to the subject, it does get easier leaving your child.  THe biggest biggest thing is to feel comfy where they are going, feel that they are happy when you drop them off.  You will just KNOW when the place is right.  You will feel it.  You are not a bad mom for working.  Its a fact.  You will feel guilty some days, and some days you will be thankful LOL

Post # 12
7649 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@eecuadrado:  I am blessed that my mom is going to take care of him for meat my house, so when I come home from lunch, I will be able to spend time with him (probably feeding him lol). It’s going to make life so much easier and much easier on me going back to work.

However, I do think it will still be hard to leave that first few times in the morning because, although my mom is perfectly capable of caring for a child obviously, I am still going to be a basketcase of emotions wondering if he’s ok now that he isn’t with his mom.

Post # 15
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I remember being so worried about going back to work – when I was pregnant and when I was on maternity leave.  I felt like I couldn’t even enjoy the last weeks I got to be home with her because I was so stressed about going back and leaving her. That first day was hard…I cried. The second day, still hard but not AS hard. And every day after that got better and better.  Now, I’m not gonna lie, I kind of enjoy my “alone” time at work.  It’s nice to get up and go pee without worrying about being as fast as I can so I don’t leave her alone.  And eating lunch is so much easier with two hands! lol I still miss her during the day but I trust the people she’s with and I keep in contact.  And it makes the time I do have with her that much sweeter 🙂

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