(Closed) Returning engagement ring?

posted 2 years ago in Rings
Post # 16
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

I hate my ring too apprently u can customise them

Post # 17
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I hate to be insensitive but you need to suck it up buttercup. 

YOU chose a huge stone. YOU got said stone from a retailer that does not accept exchanges/returns. Your boyfriend will NEVER get back near what he paid for it. I can completely understand him being upset with you because you are being completely ridiculous. 

You said you are trying to work on letting others influence you but it doesn’t really sound like you are. First you blame your coworker because she held a knife to your throat and made you pick a 3.5ct diamond. Now you are worried that people will think it’s flashy (a 2ct diamond would still be flashy). You don’t even have the thing yet. Chill your roll. 

Post # 19
Hostess
8545 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

ocbee268 :  You shouldn’t have allowed yourself to be  so heavily influenced, I can see why your SO would be pissed if he is giving you exactly what you “wanted”. If you can’t return it then there is no use crying over spilt milk, wait until you get it and try and get used to it perhaps?

Post # 20
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Unless your fiancé is very financially comfortable, he financed that ring. Because you wanted it. Be grateful to him. If you are feeling guilty for asking him to spend such an exorbitant amount because your boss pressured you, you probably should be. 

Work on yourself, that’s my suggestion. Therapy, some real-world perspective, perhaps a help out those who really have dire needs in their lives. 

You have the firstest of first world problems. 

Post # 21
Member
11 posts
Newbee

ocbee268 :  Honestly, you have to be very conscious about worrying about others. Before every decision you make, ask yourself why you are making it and who is benefiting from it. You also have to think, who will this negatively impact. I’m no therapist, but this has helped me make decisions that will make me a happy and not just for the sake of impressing others.

It’s SO true that once you get formally engaged and start the wedding planning, so many people will have a say. I was not prepared…at all. So it’s better to start standing your ground now and not get swept up in the fanfare. I’m struggling with that now.

Someone once told me “if people like you, good for them. if they don’t, they can go to hell.” Which is outrageous, but it made me a happier person not trying to morph into someone people will like.

I hope that helps!

Ps. Keep the ring! I wouldn’t ask him to change it again. Embrace it and enjoy it!

Post # 22
Member
661 posts
Busy bee

OMG DO NOT EXCHANGE THAT RING. You will not recoup your money, you will have to buy a new ring, and chances are probably quite good that you will fall into another crowd in six months or a year where you start to feel that a 3.5 ct ring is ‘necessary’ again. Quit screwing around with this ring, and focus on how lucky you are to have a man who puts up with your varied whims and demands. 

Post # 23
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

I’m so sorry that some of these responses are coming off on the “meaner” side, and although there might be nicer ways to say the overall message, it doesn’t mean the message is wrong. 

Wait, see what it feels like on you, keep it and remember it’s about love and not the ring. 

As far as your confidence, do you have anything that’s just your own? Do you have a new job? Do you have a hobby that’s just for you? It sounds like if all you do is please other people you’re not used to pleasing yourself. Doing something, alone, that’s sole purpose is to bring you internal happiness, it will help build your confidence and help you build your individualized voice. 

Post # 24
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

So there is no getting past the fact you have a large stone but the thing is…it is a solitaire. They are classic and timeless always! Once you start getting in the 5 carat range they can start to appear really big but I think you are still safe with a 3.5 carat. You also have not been able to wear it yet, once you start wearing it after a few months the size should not bother you. I have 4.67 carat and after 9 months I knew it was big but I didn’t see it as flashy. You need to stop worrying about it being flashy or too big and look at your relationship. Speak to your Fiance about the issues you have and try your best to reassure him that it has nothing to do with backing out and that you are appreciative of him putting so much effort into making you happy. He may be experiencing some hurt and anger that needs to be addressed ASAP, the ring does not matter as much as the relationship. I honestly think you will not notice the size after wearing it and you need to stop caring about what others will think, f’em because it’s your life and your marriage.

Post # 25
Member
6446 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I cannot fathom having Darling Husband spend that much because I felt like impressing a coworker, so I can absolutley see how your Fiance might be unhappy about your change of heart. Realistically, you need to suck it up and take responsibility for yourself and the decision you made. Because it IS you who made the decision. If I were your Fiance, I’d worry that you would want a new car everytime your friend group changed, or that you would want to buy new furniture (that you would later want to get rid of) when a new acquaintance was coming over. Ultimately, you have to accept responsibility for your own decisions, and this one was HUGE. Choosing a ring for someone else’s tastes that YOU will wear for the rest of your life, and then having your Fiance pay upwards of $20K (for a lower colour stone) for it, only to change your mind and want HIM to take the loss is unacceptable. Live with it.

Post # 26
Member
6167 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

If I were you I would wear the ring and let it be a reminder of 1- the fact that your Fiance was willing to go with what you wanted in a ring out of love for you and 2- your commitment to know your own mind and spirit rather than letting outside people tell you what to do. You might be able to come to love it as a symbol of many lessons and not just this toxic relationship with someone who had more influence over you than they should have.

If you’re really not connected to it after the wedding, put it somewhere safe and only wear your wedding ring. You might find that you feel differently about it after 10 years of marriage. 

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