(Closed) Returning to Those Same Places?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1565 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Are you talking about local restaurants and shops or vacation destinations? Are you scared of potentially running into your ex or is it solely about the memories?

For me, I still live in the same area as my ex (oh how I wish he’d move away so I don’t have to worry about ever seeing him again!) and in the same area where we lived when we were married. Things with him were so bad and in stark contrast to the amazing relationship I have with my Fiance. For that reason, it’s easy for me to go to the same places where I used to go with my ex and create new, positive memories with my current guy. I would hate never going to my favorite restaurants just because I used to go there with someone else. Four years is a long time after your breakup, so don’t let his memory (good or bad) hold you back from doing the things you enjoy in life! If you had good memories with him in those places, that’s OK. You can hold onto that but also make new, equally good memories with your current partner. If, like me, your memories are bad, then reclaim those places and make better memories now.

I will say that I want to travel with my Fiance to one of the places where my ex and I once vacationed. It wasn’t a crappy time in our marriage so I do have good memories of that trip. I feel a little weird about wanting to go back with someone else, especially since we’ll have to do some of the same touristy stuff since I want him to see it all, but this is my life now and there’s nothing wrong with revisiting an old place as long as I don’t spend the whole time dwelling on my memories of being there with my ex.

Post # 3
Member
14987 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I can’t say I’ve ever had a hard time going back to places I’ve been with an ex.  I don’t make those sort of connections between places and people like except for a oh, I’ve been here before with ex.   I thought it’d be weird going to Hawaii again and bring up memories with ex, but no.  Nothing, it was nice making new memories with Darling Husband.  Darling Husband and I are going to London/Paris, pretty identical trip I’d taken before with ex, and I’m looking forward to some new memories there too.

Post # 4
Member
1565 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

pinkshoes:  Exactly! I think there’s plenty of room for new memories in an old place. You can only move forward in life and, since your ex is no longer a part of your life, you need to move on. How exciting that you’re getting to do London and Paris for a second time! My trip to London was one of the highlights of my life and I’m itching to go back.

Post # 5
Member
7883 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I can’t drive by the house I used to own with my ex husband. I can’t stand to look at where my life fell apart. Granted, it was in 2006 and I’ve remarried and had a child since then- but I still can’t do it.

Post # 6
Member
6040 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

 

sunshinesunshine:  I go to some of the same places my ex and i used to go to with my current SO and it doesn’t bother me in slightest. I think the only time it bothers anyone is when they still aren’t over it in some way. Whether that means they still love their ex or maybe it was just a traumatic relationship in general and those wounds still haven’t quite healed. I think once you’re completely over it all and accept that it happened the way it did (whatever way that was) you won’t have those feelings. If after so many years you still struggle witht hat I would go get some counseling to figure out why you are still affected so much.

ETA: there are certain things that were “our” things that I refuse to do with my current SO. but those are specific things not so much places or even activities. things that I only enjoyed because they were things I did with ex Darling Husband. does that make sense? it’s almost like using a pet name that I used to call Darling Husband. I wouldn’t do that, but not because it’s hurtful, more because it’s just weird. blah!

Post # 7
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee

I have a few places that make me think of an ex when I go there. But those same places, I’ve created new and better memories with my new SO and eventually, the past just kind of gets put behind you. Sure, you still think of it at times. But it doesn’t bother you as bad.

Post # 8
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee

If I may add though..

I do have a hard time seeing my old apartment that I shared with an ex. Even though we left on good terms, it’s just hard to see. We were together for 7 years and we had a lot of good times there. So in that sense, somewhere where you can’t really create new memories, I def agree that it’s hard to see some of those places.

Post # 9
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

   My last marriage was very abusive and for the most part I felt more like a hostage than a wife, and even though my ex has moved to another state there are still certain places where I feel an overwhelming sense of panic and fear, and am just waiting for the proverbial boogeyman to jump out and get me. I have PTSD-type issues from the things I experienced, and even though I’ve been out of this relationship for several years and in an excellent relationship with my now Darling Husband for 4 years now I still struggle with things connected with that jerk.

Post # 10
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

kittychik:  Are you and I the same person? I feel the same way. 

 

So to answer OP’s question, yes. Both my last two relationships prior to finding my fiance were abusive, and driving past or going to certain places is really hard, as it makes my skin crawl to remember those men. There are places I refuse to go out of fear.

Post # 11
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

divinerose:   SO GLAD I’M NOT ALONE!!! There are some places that “Satan” and I went together that don’t bother me at all; which is great because otherwise I would’ve left my church and wouldn’t be married to my Darling Husband now; but certain other places just plain freak me out! For example, I can go to church just fine as long as I don’t sit or walk anywhere near the one pew we used in the sanctuary, and I can go to certain restaurants or other public places (others freak me out because of him making bizzare scenes in them), but I cannot even drive anywhere NEAR the street we lived on without having a near-panic attack or feeling an awful sense of fear and dread even though he is now over 500 miles away in another state.

   I also feel panicky when shopping in the grocery stores he also used, because I have this irrational fear of turning a corner and coming face-to-face with him even though I KNOW he’s gone. And I also fear being out in public and running into some of his family members, as he has a very large family and 99% of them live within a 30 mile radius of me… ugh!

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  kittychik.

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