(Closed) "Reverse" ring envy? How do you respond?

posted 2 years ago in Rings
Post # 61
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

m0thlight :  I always wonder in what situation someone has a conversation about rings. This never comes up in real life and I have a stunning 1ct solitaire, so if there would be ring comments, it should have happened at least by now lol. This also goes for the people who ask about ring compliments. This also never happens. 

Post # 62
Member
381 posts
Helper bee

I’ve never had comments that were envious towards my ring, not seriously anyway. I work with a teenage girl who said she hopes her future husband proposes with a ring exactly like mine or she won’t be pleased- she was obviously joking and just really liked my ring so I saw it as a compliment.

 

I did have a family member say she was bummed her ring didn’t have diamonds in the setting and wished it was more like mine- but I know she designed her own ring herself and probably was just second guessing herself when we put our rings side by side (we got engaged the same weekend so we were chatting and checking each other’s rings out). It didn’t bother me at all but this thread reminded me of that slightly awkward moment. 

Post # 63
Member
7814 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’m now wondering if any of the compliments I’ve ever given women who had larger diamonds than me IRL were misconstrued as “reverse ring envy.” If someone is newly engaged and they’re sporting a big rock, I’ll gush over it as I would any other ring. If it’s really huge, I might even comment on the size by saying somethng like, “damn girl that is effing gorgeous, what a huge rock! Well done by your FI!” Whether I personally like the ring or not, my goal in these interactions is always to make the woman feel really good about it and share the excitement about her new engagement!

Wondering if you got a comment like that – i.e. a woman with a smaller stone praising the largeness of your stone – would you assume it was coming from a place of reverse ring envy? Cause my ring is for sure on the smaller side compared to a lot of the ones I see on the bee….but there’s no envy here. 

Post # 64
Member
555 posts
Busy bee

this is so stupid.

Post # 65
Member
716 posts
Busy bee

tiffanybruiser :  Spot on. I was thinking that too. I personally tend not to be impressed by big rocks, but rather, interesting ones with an interesting design or story. I compliment their wearers nevertheless, out of politeness and wanting to share in their special moment. Let’s face it, it is a social expectation for us to publicly gush over people’s rings in a way that we simply wouldn’t dream of doing over their cars or their homes or their bank accounts. 

My general observation is that some people place too much emphasis on rings and their sizes, and read too much into what that says about the wearer, the level of commitment of their men, their overall resources, etc, rather than just their combined personal tastes. This leads to very real ring envy, so I don’t blame the OP for feeling as she does, assuming she’s being genuine. I’d be taken aback if someone thought I was speaking with a mildly deprecating tone (I’d probably say something like  ‘Wow, now that’s a stunner- four of mine would fit into that!’) about my own ring out of a sense of envy, but I would question why they were that concerned about other people’s reactions to their rings in the first place. But hey, we have decades of brainwashing by De Beers to thank for this state of affairs- from the expectations we have about our own rings, to the way we react to other people’s rings, to the way we perceive other people’s reaction to our rings. 

 

Post # 66
Member
6383 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

I’m blessed enough to live in a world where no one really cares about anyone else’s ring.

Post # 67
Member
7814 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Robyn0214 :  See this is the world I thought I lived in too, but posts like these make me wonder if I’m just living under a rock or something. PUN INTENDED.

Post # 68
Member
7814 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

techmom :  Agreed on all counts. It is a sad state of affairs. 

Post # 69
Member
6383 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

tiffanybruiser :  Dunno, maybe we’re not relating to people properly then?  Are we supposed to have full on conversations about rings, including how miserable our own life turned after laying eyes on a ring bigger than ours?

Post # 70
Member
3456 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m pretty sure I have *never* received a compliment on my ring. I’m not exaggerating. Its design is culturally significant to my husband. The gold and the diamond were mined by a relative (I’m not kidding) and it was constructed by a family friend. So theres a pretty good story there, but visually, it is way off from mainstream bridal sets. My first day back to work after my honeymoon, several coworkers excitedly demanded to see it and did not hide their disappointment when I showed them. I had to grow to like it, myself and I’ve never posted it online for fear of undoing my progress in that area, lol. All that said, I am very familiar with (and have posted about) self deprecating compliments in general and how weird/uncomfortable I find them. It’s apparently considered uncouth to discuss this when it comes to rings. But I’m sure everyone has had someone compliment their shoes (or something) who immediately followed up with a playful sad face and a “girl, with my cankles, I could never.” My go to response is a perfunctory ‘oh, thanks a lot. I just love them.’ I don’t usually address the self-insult. 

Post # 71
Member
1256 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I have experienced some reverse ring envy, but luckily it’s usually older generations commenting that they wish their daughter/daughter-in-law had chosen a ring like mine. My ring is quite unique in design but is by no means large or expensive. I think these women are not saying that they wish their [insert relation here] had chosen MY ring, but had chosen something that was more unique/personalized? I don’t really know though.

I usually respond with “Yes I love my ring and feel that it suits me perfectly, I guess the most important thing is that [insert relation here] feels the same about their ring”. Often times these women are judgy busy-bodies so it’s my passive aggressive way of reminding them that it’s their daughter/DIL’s happiness with the ring that matters not theirs.

I’ve only had it one time that I got comments about how much more blingy/expensive my ring was compared to that woman’s but that was in small-town NZ (so much smaller rings are the norm). I did get quite uncomfortable and did the same as PP and got quite self-deprecating — not the best response but I’m awkward :/

Post # 72
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2017

jellybellynelly :  Really? You have strangers on the street coming to you complimenting your ring and saying theirs are crap? LOL! That sounds so …odd

Post # 74
Member
487 posts
Helper bee

I work in a print shop that also includes customer service/cash register transactions. Customers see my hands constantly. In my area, cluster rings, quads and small stone erings are the norm… So I guess my moissy solitaire stands out. I get comments all the time.. So OP I get what youre saying. 

Its best just to say thanks and change the subject. 

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