(Closed) Rich Bride, Poor Bride

posted 11 years ago in Money
  • poll: Is having an incredibly large budget easier than a small one?

    No freakin' way - money is the biggest stress of having a wedding!

    Well, there are more pressures on large budget brides so I'm on the fence...

    It's definitely harder when you have a large budget

  • Post # 3
    860 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I don’t think money necessarily will make her wedding more fun… but with a 100K budget she can just hire the best of the best to plan her entire wedding.  How is that hard?

    Post # 4
    1955 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

    I had someone say that to me as well, how she “wished her parents had given her a budget.” I was like, um, no you don’t, really…I think it’s just a case of the grass being greener on the other side…

    Planning a wedding is hard, no matter your budget.  I mean, I will say that I personally think pulling off a wedding on an 8k budget is significantly harder than pulling off a wedding on a 100k budget but there’s pros and cons to both…

    Post # 5
    11324 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    She’s delusional. My wedding venue search alone would’ve been 1000x easier if my budget was higher. It isn’t hard to find things you love, its hard to afford them! 

    Post # 6
    965 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    i agree. if i had a lot of money to spend, i would have hired someone else to do this for me! lol.

    Post # 7
    2820 posts
    Sugar bee

    I don’t think you’re being sensitive…I would be offended to if I were you, but I’d also try to understand where she’s coming from as a friend.

    Honestly, I’ve been to some decently fancy weddings and a good handful of 40,000 or so weddings and I think sometimes they’re great but I have seen people sink a good chunck of change and then be dissapointed with the outcome or people not dance and then it seems a bit more like a disaster then if you’re on a smaller budget.  I donno, I guess everything just feels like a bigger deal.  Like if you’re spending less on food, you can take a step back and not expect it to be perfect.  But like one girl I know spent a fortune on filet mignon and crabs, it was at a great restaurant, donno what happened but neither was that good, not bad enough you could probably say anything but not worth what she spent, and it just I think was a lot more saddening to her I think that she sunk all this $$ into something that didn’t work out how she wanted it to.

    On the other hand I’ve been to a good number of backyard weddings (including my own but it was a fancy backyard) and I think people have a more laid back feeling so expect things to not mabye be perfect, I donno, they just seem to go a little smoother because of that.

    Post # 7
    14181 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I’d hire somebody if i had that money and call it a day!

    but i have a friend who is indian who has a large-ish budget (ok large to me) and it’s hard on her b/c her wedding has sooooo many aspects to it that a planner simply cannot just come in and go, “voila, it’s done!” so her wedding has been a chore.

    I think your friend is just trying to not be a snob with her 100K budget by saying it’s hard. She’s trying to relate to you, that’s all, and probably feels weird saying “yeah my budget is 100K, but i know yours is 8K”.

    Plus, if she has 500 people at her wedding, a 100K budget isn’t ostenatious I guess!

    Sounds like a little foot in mouth =]. Plus, if her dad has so much money, he may be giving her extravagant ideas that he would like to see (business partners to impress? yeh it makes sense) and 100K may not go that far after specialty lighting, lobster and filet, crystal chandeliers, gorgeous florals, and a fancy dress are factored in. So, 100K could easily be “budget” for the vibe her dad wants.

    Post # 8
    1580 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’m on the fence. I think regardless of how much money you have, you still want to get your money’s worth, which is pretty stressful at times. If I had twice my budget, I’d want my wedding to look and feel like it cost twice at much. I wouldn’t just throw money at people for their services. I’d still bargain and try to get the best deals. So I think it would be equally stressful/hard.

    Post # 9
    3563 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Not to mention, just because you have a large budget doesn’t necessarily mean you WANT a planner to come in and do the whole thiing for you. I could have afforded a wedding planner to do most of my wedding, but I wanted to do it myself. The fact that I have a larger budget doesn’t make it any less stressful when I’m trying to decide on bridesmaid dresses or cake flavors or scheduling meetings or trying to figure out how to fit everything into our wedding day timeline.

    Also, and I could be wrong, it seems that people with larger budgets (myself included) often have others helping them out (parents, in-laws, etc), which means dealing with what those people want and taking their opinions into consideration. Money always comes with strings. Of course, if you’re paying for an expensive wedding on your own, I guess you still have your own expectations to come to terms with.

    Post # 10
    5262 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I think it depends on the expectations. I’m on the fence about this – our ideal wedding was one that would have cost us about $10,000, which was doable. But my parents and his stepped in and said that it was really important to them that ______ were invited (insert 90 guests here) and that we didn’t commit X, Y, and Z faux pas that they didn’t like at FSIL’s wedding. 

    They offered us a dollar amount, not an unlimited budget, so maybe I’d still be on the poor bride side of things? I feel like this wedding is more stressful to plan (we’re accepting not because of the money, obviously, but because it means a lot to our parents. We’d rather go simple and small) because our parents didn’t really account for the wedding industry prices. To them, 90 extra people at a Chicago wedding just means a little more for food. Unfortunately to us, it means a change in venue, and whole new set of rules to go with it. 

    I don’t think it’s as simple as small budget being easier than large budget. I think that it’s all about what the couple wants, and if that reality is attainable and agreeable to everyone else involved. The stress comes partially from the money, but mostly (in my opinion) from working out something that pleases the guests, the couple, and the parents within the allotted budget. 

    Post # 11
    1019 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    i think no matter what, planning is stressful!!

    our wedding is going to cost about $40k, with 110 people which i think is large budget. we have had a LOT of pressure to add additional things to our wedding because our budget is large. for example, my parents have generously offered to take care of the ceremony, reception, and band. this is where most of our money is going. however, i took other family members to see the venue and they started telling the coordinator to go ahead and add two extra cocktail areas (which would have cost $3k) and that we need a place for the photo booth ($1k). they didn’t understand when i was telling them “no way” because their thought was, well, they are spending that much money, might as well throw a few more grand at the wedding!

    additional, family members have frequently tried to convince me that it’s a good idea to go for expensive centerpieces, invitations, and a $4k dress. to them, adding an extra $10k to the budget shouldn’t be an issue for us because “it’s not that much money!” (actually, it is). our wedding is going be a bit of a “grand party”, but money is still a concern. i’ve actually gotten comments like, ‘well you can’t use those cheap centerpieces–the venue is too EXPENSIVE for you to even think about doing something like that!”. i know i should ignore comments like that, but it’s hard to, when your family is footing most of the bill (we are paying for about 15% of the budget in the end).

    By The Way, i originally wanted a very small, very low priced wedding. once our parents got involved, the guest list ballooned (i know 110 is still small, but i wanted half that), and they want nothing more than to put on a grand celebration at a super nice venue for our friends, family, and their friends. i’m very thankful for that, but i am an overly careful budgeter, so i do think that having a larger budget can be stressful when you have all these “societal/family expectations”.

    edit: last night my dad informed me i was crazy if i didnt pay to have a limo for our “exit” and that “we needed to find a way to make it happen”. this is just an example of the feedback we’re getting from people.

    Post # 12
    612 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Oh I think any budget wedding is stessful! Especially if her parent are millionaires. There is a whole realm of things that are to be expected at those kind of events just because of the social circle you are talking about. I mean, I only have to worry about like 130 people…I would seriously go insane if we were talking 500-600 people.

    I agree you could hire a wedding planner to help you, but when you are talking about that many people the price isn’t going to be the $1,000-$2,000 most $30-$40k brides are quoted. They would charge $5k+ and that is a conservative estimate. Plus higher society guests aren’t going to be happy with a chicken/beef buffet. They expect gourmet food and a sit down atmosphere. Plus all the things you have to do just to “show off”, which is defnitely an important factor most brides don’t have to deal with.

    I have attended one wedding where the bride came from a very rich family. I scrimped and saved and bought myself a $200 dress, got my hair and makeup done, got a pair of $90 shoes (in college this was an insane amount of money to me) and I still felt like a pauper when I went. It was seriously the most extravagent wedding I have EVER seen, but it certainly wasn’t the most fun one either. Actually it is towards the bottom of the list because I felt so awkward being around people who talking about dropping $10k+ on a wedding gift and all I could afford was $500. I didn’t even get a thank you note. 🙁

    The bride wasn’t snobby though we still chat. I didn’t even know she came from a rich family until she was planning the wedding.

    Post # 13
    1509 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I think none of the possible answers are correct.

    I think planning a wedding with whatever budget you have is only as difficult as you make it.  I was fortunate to have a very large budget where only my parents were paying, but I wanted to select everything myself and make sure that it was exactly what I wanted (with what my parents want since they are footing the bill).  Would it have been a lot easier and less stressful to hire a planner and have her/ him do it all?  Definitely. 

    Along the same lines, it’s very possible for a girl to have a $5,000 budget and say that she is going to have a backyard BBQ, not do any centerpieces or decorations and spend her money on her dress, a photographer and either a DJ or band and then just call it a day.  Similarly to the above, a girl who has a dream of her wedding day, but only a $5K budget who spends hours pouring over websites/ magazines or anything to find ways to do what she wants cheaply will be a whole lot more difficult than the simple backyard BBQ or the girl with the $100K wedding with a planner.

    Planning a wedding is as easy or as difficult as you make it.


    Post # 14
    166 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I just wanted to add that speaking from personal experience thus far, having a limitless budget makes things pretty easy. My dad has basically said do whatever you want…literally. I have a planner that I simply tell her what I like and she’ll send me pictures to choose from. Anytime I run across something I think is pretty I’ll just text her something like, “Oh I saw this in the window, thought it was pretty. I really don’t have a lot of worry as far as the big day goes b/c everythings pretty much being done for me. Theres a lot of decisions to be made, but its not like they are super tough.

    Post # 15
    1675 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I’ve gotta say, no matter what your budget, it’s amazing how easy it is to use up that money… and you always can find additional things that you want, that are outside of your budget.  I have a budget that would be considered large by many people.  I thought I would be able to make responsible decisions and end up well under budget.  Not so much.  (I’m still within my budget, but just barely.)  …and there’s still lots of stuff that I had to cut b/c there wasn’t enough money. 

    I’m not saying that things are harder on brides with bigger budgets.  I’m saying that we probably just shouldn’t compare.  Many of us are struggling with our budgets, whether it’s $5,000 or $50,000.  And all of us are going to find ways to have beautiful and meaningful weddings, no matter what our budget is!

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