(Closed) Rich spouse, poor spouse

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 121
Member
719 posts
Busy bee

Does rich spouse seriously think that $2-$10 million is sufficient to fund the rest of his extravagant life (and potentially that of a family) in an expensive coastal area such that he never has to work again and/or no job is worth his while?  Can’t wait to see what happens over time as this guy discovers the meaning of inflation. 

Post # 123
Member
280 posts
Helper bee

I think that the poor spouse should either refuse to use all of their hard earned money on both spouses expenses and put it into savings (if this means not paying bills and the rich spouse is ‘forced’ to, so be it. The rich spouse should value their significant other). Best case, the rich spouse should stop using their poor spouse as a bank for which to pony off of and hoard all of their money. This means getting the prenup annulled and making a joint bank account in which all of both spouses income is automatically put in, and both spouses have equal access. If rich spouse didn’t trust their significant other and the success of their marriage enough to not make them sign a prenup they shouldn’t have married them.

Post # 124
Member
757 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Firstly, I somehow suspect he comes from not-so-wealthy family and has no idea how to handle finances. I can’t imagine anyone in my circle to stop working with this amount of money in savings. People do this after a 30m mark and still sometimes continue working, at least for pleasure….<br /><br />Secondly, does he at least play the role of a saty at home partner by cooking-cleaning etc?

Post # 125
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Paradise Gardens

[email protected]:  My motto is when you say I DO…it all becomes our money, our debt, our responsibility. There is no way I’d agree to work to support the entire family if I had an able bodied spouse and we didn’t have kids to take care of.

Secondly, I’m sure spousal support could be rrequested if this rich spouse has all this money.

And to be honest I think both parties need to have a calm conversation about the current situation and how both parties feel in terms of the financial state of the household. I think the poor spouse needs to request a 50/50 split…now if that means the rich spouse has to go to work so be it. I’m not sure how long you’ve been together/married, but I’m thinking a lifestly change if needed, has to be gradual. The rich spouse has lived a certain type of lifestly foryears and frankly isn’t use to the simple life, so perhaps I’d make those moves at a slower pace.

 

All in all I don’t think you or your spouse should feel as if there is a “rich/poor spouse” … as your financial state should be owned by both parties and one should not feel less than the other. Also, it might be nice if the poor sposue could have authorization to the rich spouses accounts, becuase who’s to say that the poor spouse will have access to the money if for some reason the rich spuse was temporarily incopacitated?

I could go on, but I won’t for now. I think there is no reason for divorce jsut a heart to heart conversation and a willingness to change from both parties.

Keep us posted on what happens with this…

Post # 126
Member
2912 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

Okay, I can’t read all the comments so far but here are my thoughts. OP, I would suggest that you spend some time creating an imaginary (but realistic) life budget that you are comfortable with and approve of. Find a place to live, suggest utility bills that you feel are reasonable, create a savings plan with a portion of your income, etc — an entire budget of the life/spending you would be good with if it were up to you. Divide the total expenses in half because in an equitable relationship each of you would be paying half the bills. Then present it to your Darling Husband and say, “So, this is what I think our life should look like, and the monthly cost for each of us would be $$$.” Then I’d suggest that *he* do the same, present it to you, and the two of you sit down together and come up with some kind of middle of the road compromise plan that you can both agree upon (with the help of a counselor if it proves impossible without one) and make changes to the ways you are living and dealing with bills. It’s clear you can’t continue the way you have been, and YOUR feelings are just as important as his. He doesn’t get to call all the shots and no one should live in a relationship where the other person is.

Post # 127
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Well, I have to say this hits close to home because we went into our marriage with a similar financial situation, in that one spouse had significantly higher net worth, and one spouse had a larger and more stable income (and I refuse to say “rich spouse” and “poor spouse” because I think that’s the antithesis of thinking of yourselves as equally contributing partners).  The family of the spouse with the higher net worth strongly encouraged that spouse to get a pre-nup, in which case we could very well have ended up like you two, with just as much resentment.  However, here’s what we did differently than you:

1. We didn’t get a pre-nup.

2.  Both spouses work.  The spouse who came into the marriage with the higher net worth still earns much less by working; however, when real estate and investment income are considered, the two spouses actually earn within 5k of each other.

3.  All income goes into the same bank account.

4.  Money that was invested prior to marriage has remained mainly untouched and in an account with only one person’s name on it; however, a portion of that money has gone into a house with both people’s names on it.

5.  The spouse that works less does the majority of the housework.

We haven’t had a fight about money since we got married.

Also, I have to say your husband’s philosophy that all jobs he is qualified for aren’t good enough for him is ludicrous.  It’s like Groucho Marx saying “I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member,” except more entitled.

Post # 128
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

weddingmaven:  Hmmm I’m really not sure, to be honest. He won’t receive anything until his parents pass away (which should not be for many, many more years!). I assumed an inheritance of that kind would be considered an asset once it becomes available to him.

I haven’t spoken to my future in-laws about prenups, apart from my future brother-in-law, who drunkenly told me his/FI’s parents have said they love me too much to ever ask me to sign anything.

I never thought I’d be in the position to even touch a prenup, nor did I ever expect to have any involvement with any sort of inheritance lol. I certainly don’t expect to inherit anything from my parents… So, I have zero understanding of how any of this works. Yikes!

Post # 129
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Rich spouse = douche bag and needs to grow up

 

 “poor spouse”= needs to start saving money and run far far away. 

Post # 130
Member
65 posts
Worker bee

This post would sound alot better if it was ‘higher income lower income’ The hard working poor partner should leave, they’ll do fine on their own and god for bid the rich one should even encounter what its like to be a regular person gees. A marriage is equal, should be paying bills together the rich one is selfish.

Post # 131
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

The “poor” (and sorry, but I live in one of the most expensive metro areas in the US, and still would never use that word to describe a 6 figure salary. Both my husband I make this and we consider ourselves very, very fortunate) spouse is getting the short end of the stick here.

I am familiar with situations like this where this concept of “family money” almost becomes another member of the relationship. The issue here is that if the “rich” spouse has a trust of some kind, they are likely earning interest on it, and you did mention that there is also investment income/payouts. Because of this, there is no reason for the rich spouse to rely on the poor one for day to day expenses, as the interest on the pricipal of their money will cover this – I mean, the obvious question here is how did they live before their spouse??

The poor spouse needs to put his/her foot down and end this. Not the relationship, but the arrangement. What struck me when I read this was that regardless of the prenup, it sounds to me like the poor spouse has very little idea of what their financial situation really is – i.e. an awareness of interest producing accounts, investments, etc. While the spouses are married, they should consider the assets joint property, and therefore have an equal say on how they are put to use.

 

Post # 132
Member
334 posts
Helper bee

Rich spouse needs to pull their head in and contribute atleast equal, if not more! Very unfair for the poorer spouse, especially since poor spouse is the one actually putting in the hard work hours and actively supporting the both of you instead of being able to save to help oneself. Rich spouse has double standards, unfair expectations and is selfish.<br /><br />

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