(Closed) Ridiculous Amount of Declined – Completely Bummed Now

posted 6 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

On the plus side, you gave yourself enough time to send invites to the second round without it looking super last minute. 

Post # 4
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

with a hundred RSVPs still pending I’ll bet you’ll get around 50 more yes’s.  Start calling them if you haven’t already.

I totally understand your dissappointment though. Hang in there.

Post # 5
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Rock86:  It sounds like, from these boards, that it’s extremely common to have a ton of people not RSVP by the due date so I don’t think that what you’re going through is uncommon at least.  I don’t know why people have a hard time getting them in on time (I’ve always sent them in as soon as I know or have my work schedule).  But I’ve never heard of having to give a reason for declining or RSVPing no.  Seems like it would be odd that you’d ask for that… there are so many reasons, from time committments and conflicts to very personal reasons that they may not want to share. Some people decline because they can’t afford a gift for the couple and feel embarassed and guilty about it.  I wouldn’t hold negative feelings toward the declines since you just never know.

Post # 6
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

This happened  to me aswell, however it was on a much smaller scale… I invited 100 assuming at least 80 would come and right now we have 60 confirmed :/ the wedding is this Sunday! A lot of our guests were from out of town so I understand, but it’s still a bummer

Post # 7
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

 We invited like 300 people, and we are expecting 120. If you want you can send out more invites to the people you wanted to invite but couldn’t.

Post # 8
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I say definitely you and your family should hit the phones and start calling people. Just say that you noticed their RSVP hadn’t come in yet, and hope it hadn’t gotten lost in the mail. Give them the benefit of the doubt. I’m sure most will say something like “Oh yeah, sorry we missed the deadline we will (or will not) be there.” This way you aren’t accussing them of not responding on time, and will get the answer you need.  Also, send out invites immediately to the people you cut from the list just be sure where to draw a line so you don’t end up having more people than anticipated. Can you print more RSVP cards with different deadlines for them? They say to send out invites 4-8 weeks in advance of the wedding, so this timeframe is still acceptable if you do it right away.

Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Hate to say it, this is the norm.

When I got married 13 years ago, I read to expect a 25-30% decline rate.  I believe the rate is higher now mainly because of the ecomony.

When I started getting declines, I was bummed.  But it certainly did not ruin my day.  I thought of it as their loss, not mine.

There are a million reasons why people cannot come, but like I said, I think the ecomony has a lot to do with it.  If you (and not pointing out *you* specifically) think about it, when we invite someone to a wedding, we are expecting a lot from our guest.  What if they have to travel a great distance?  Then they have to spring for a hotel room.  What if they have kids?  Do you know the going rate of babysitters?…especially if you also want to go to the ceremony?..easily well over $100 just for the babysitter alone.  Then if you’re invited to the shower – you need to spring for a gift for that AND for the wedding itself.

I didn’t appreciate the cost of being a guest as much until we went through a few summers where we literally had 6 weddings each year.  And that was when we didn’t have kids yet. 

So it’s easy for me to say, but try not to take the declines personally.

Post # 10
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I know it’s disappointing every time someone declines your invitation but try and keep some perspective on things. Some of these folks are, by your own words, folks you’ve not seen in years, and as people drift apart over time, it is harder and harder to get them re-involved in your life. Attending a wedding can be a difficult thing for many families, especially if they have to travel; it’s expensive, and it’s not always easy even for local folks to find the time in their schedules. Try not to take it too personally.

I do think it’s unreasonable to expect people to tell you why they are declining; it’s nice if they want to give you the details, but in many cases, those might be uncomfortable to share, especially if someone is declining because they can’t afford to attend. It shouldn’t matter to you if they decline because of a conflict with their kid’s soccer tournament, or because of budget, or any other reason. Accept their reponse graciously, and make it a point to share some details of the day with them, like an online photo gallery. Don’t rub their faces in it of course, but if some folks feel you may have drifted too far apart to feel comfortable at your wedding, then this is a good occasion to renew some of those relationships. Who knows, maybe if you invite them to your 10th Anniversary bash, they’ll RSVP yes to that.

Post # 11
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I went through the same thing, although on a smaller scale. I had a lot of people who told me back when we first got engaged they would be coming to the wedding who randomly declined. I am pretty bummed.

Post # 12
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I had a number of out of town guests call me and say they would have loved to come but couldn’t afford it or had another (closer relative’s) wedding events at the same time.  They truth is, of course they would have loved to come — but to spend that much $$$ on an event that only lasts for one day — and to ask to take time off form work to be a part of it (in many cases) — can really be unreasonable stress for some people.  If they’re in the position to take a holiday, then they’ll probably want to come, but if it’s going to interfere with their financial and personal goals, and their use of holiday time, etc., then I completelly understand why they can’t come.  In most cases, I expect that out of towners won’t make it and just want to let them know that in my heart I wanted them to be included. 

There have been plenty of times when I’ve gotten a wedding invite and decided that it just wouldn’t be worth the $1,000 to go, in addition to the time, energy, opportunity costs, ad time off from work . . . . all for a 6-8 hour event.  So there you go.  It really is understandable.

Post # 13
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee

This is so bizarre. In my family, you are usually guarenteed that everyone you invite will come.  My friends literally had every single person of her 150 guest list come. 

So bizarre. I wish you luck!

Post # 14
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Rush1986:  How far to people have to travel to come to your family’s / friends’ weddings?  I think that the OP invited a number of out of town guests; hence, the travel difficulties and delimmas. 

Post # 16
Member
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Mrs.Lonestar:  I’m in the same boat as you! My wedding is this Sunday as well. I invited 130, hoped for 85, but instead will have 70. It is disappointing, but what can you do?

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