- 7 years ago
- Wedding: August 2011
This may seem crazy to feel like I can only turn to a public forum of strangers, but in reality I have very few friends and I feel like I have no one to turn to.
Because of our financial situation, we (my fiance, my daughter and myself) decided to move into my parents house to save for the wedding. Without the wedding we can live comfortably. My parents have given us 2 rooms and have only asked us to pay $500 a month and split the cost of food. This is very generous of them.
Before moving in, the main thing I asked of them was to please not interfere in our parenting or relationship. By this I meant that I am MOM… if I say it is time for bed it is time for bed. Or if I say no cereal for dinner that means no cereal for dinner. It also meant that if for any reason Fiance and I were having a disagreement, that it should be left to us and not have them trying to intervene.
Well we are just over our 2 month mark. Things have been good. They HAVE intervened several times in our arguements (which sounds bad that we have argued several times, but the truth is the stress of moving and everything did put us in positions of disagreeing and such). They also have intervened in the parenting on more than one occassion.
Which brings me to Monday.I picked up my daughter from school. All was good. She had homework and she dropped it and got it muddy. I told her that it was important that she started to be responsible for her things. I actually tied it into a book that she had just brought from school called “I am responsible”. For whatever reason she started to cry. At this time we were just pulling up to the house. When we got in I told her that she had to go into the office and stay there until she calmed down.
I went to the washroom and when I came out my dad had taken her out of the room and started “babying” her. He starts talking to her like a baby and lets her come out and play. I told him that I put her in there with the expectation that she would stop crying and I could talk to her about what just happened. Well he got mad and said “You forgot to take the coffee canister back to work. Talk about responsibility.” And then began to say that I am not responsible so I can’t talk to my daughter about responsibility.
Because I didn’t want to start an arguement I just left it at that. He has the tendency to hold grudges so instead of talking about it we didn’t talk the whole night or yesterday.
Today comes and I didn’t want this silent treatment to continue so I cracked a joke with my dad and said that I hated how he gave me silent treatment as a teen and hate it even more as an adult. It kind of broke the silence and he said that he didn’t care what I did to him but he didn’t like when I “messed” with his granddaughter. I tried to explain to him that I wasn’t messing with her, I was parenting her but the conversation wasn’t going anywhere.
Well bedtime rolls around and my daughter was about to start watching a movie. She hadn’t started yet because my dad was setting up a dvd on his tv for her. I came downstairs and told her it was time for bed and she started to cry. Once again my dad said “Let her watch tv for 10 minutes” and honestly because I didn’t want to fight I just said fine.
Well I come upstairs and Fiance is pissed and said that I should have said no and that I am enabling her to do as she wants and have her way when she cries. I told him that it is really out of my control right now and that I just don’t want to fight with anyone at this point. Well he gets upset and my mom is listening to us talking.
My daughter comes upstairs and I start getting her ready for bed. My mom comes and tells me that she doesn’t like how my Fiance was telling me to say no to my parents and that he shouldnt talk because he isn’t responsible and leaves his things (car stuff) all over the place. She tells me that she doesn’t want to get involved in my parenting and that all they do is try to help and I take my Fi’s side and that I should move.
So basically I am just completely stressed. I am worried that maybe I am not seeing a side of my Fiance that maybe my mom is seeing ( I was in an extremely abusive relationship in my teens that I did not see). I feel so stuck in the middle. And I know that if we are not living here we can not afford the wedding so it is definetly off.
I am sorry for the rant, even if no one replies, that’s cool. I guess I just needed a space to vent my thoughts.
edit: it was a lot longer than I thought I’m really sorry.