(Closed) Ring bearer and flower girl not invited to reception?

posted 4 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
2467 posts
Buzzing bee

Pity that no one taped some of the escapades, but this is EXACTLY why I believe in the “no adorable little children at weddings” rule.

If you are REALLY stuck, and you MAY BE, offer to pay for a sitter “as your gift” to ride herd on Tiny Charmer, so that “mom and Dad should be able to enjoy themselves without cares about TC”.

Stupid, self focused, entitled style parenting. 

Post # 3
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

that’s totally unacceptable behavior for a 6 year-old… wow, OP… that totally sucks. I agree you are kind of stuck… I dunno… did you have a chat with the mom?

What does your Fiance have to say?

The PP’s idea of a sitter on your dime is a great one, and may be your only way out. I do think it should be extended to th ering bearer too, though. Although your Jr Groomsmen is probably fine 🙂 Good luck, and keep us posted!

Post # 4
268 posts
Helper bee

lol I came here pretty riled up, because I was asked to do a reading at my uncle’s wedding when I was 13, and the excluded from the reception (a was a nice quiet kid, his wife was just a giant B and quite obviously does not like kids).  

In this case though, I’ve had the same thoughts as you.  My tactics have been to hire a babysitter for a room in the hotel, and tell guests “feel free to drop kids with the babysitter so you can unwind!”  I also know it’s not polite to do, but I’ve been pretty forthcoming about the cost of the venue, ie people will ask “did you get a good deal?” And I’ll say “well, it’s X for adults and X for children, so depends on your perspective!” (The child rate is about $40.00) so I’m hoping that the combination of those two (knowing I paid for a babysitter, and that I would be paying $40 for their kids to throw their chicken finfers at well-dressed adults) will encourage folks to send the kids to the babysitter.  I won’t be mad if they don’t, but it would probably make the evening more enjoyable for everyone, and doesn’t create the same hurt feelings that a stricltly “no kids” wedding does

Post # 5
4037 posts
Honey bee

I, my mother, or Maid/Matron of Honor would have nipped that kind of behavior, in the bud, at the shower. I have zero tolerance, for children who behave like that. If I were you I’d be asking my Fiance to talk to her parents, and re-assess including the girl in your bridal party. I can just imagine what her behavior would be like, in the church and with the hours of photos, that bridal parties have taken. Your whole day will be consumed by her behavior, trying to control it, and your aggravation.

Post # 6
1170 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Plus, then the little snot will be in your photos.  I’d talk to the mother and explain that because of her poor behavior at the shower  I just couldn’t take the risk of her ruining the wedding.

Post # 7
4238 posts
Honey bee


This doesn’t really speak to your question, but you don’t need new flower petals to walk upon in the aisle and the officiant or the maid of honor/best man can hold your rings just fine. Keeping the junior groomsmen is another consideration.

Best wishes, Bee!


Post # 8
2507 posts
Sugar bee

Lra6989:  remove her from the wedding altogether. You do not need a flower girl, and I’d be much more concerned about her being a holy terror during the ceremony (screaming, running around, etc) than I would be about the reception. And getting ready? no way! I see dresses ripping, juice being spilled on your dress, hair getting ripped out. Nope. 

Post # 9
7418 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

The child’s behavior is unacceptable (but also completely predictable for a 6-year-old who is bored), but so is inviting them to the ceremony and not the reception. Nothing says “you’re just a prop” like inviting the children to perform a service for you, then excluding them from the part of the day that is supposed to be the “Thank you” for the guests. If you don’t want the kid at the reception, then don’t have her in your wedding.

Post # 10
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Don’t know if this is helpful or not, but I plan on hiring a kids entertainer for my reception for exactly this reason. FSIL’s little cousins were at her wedding and played football across the dancefloor, sure not for long and no one was majorly bothered by it (and they are cute kids otherwise), but I’m going to try and avoid that at all cost…

Maybe look into that as an option?

Post # 11
1284 posts
Bumble bee

My sister’s kids are my flower girl and ring bearer; in addition, my Fiance and I have a 2 year old son together and he has a son from his previous marriage.  All 4 kids are part of our ceremony BUT none of them are coming to the reception (ours included!)  My future Mother-In-Law was upset at first, but I’m sorry – I know their limitations, and they are all under the age of 4 and a fancy sit down dinner is NOT their scene!

Post # 12
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I seriously believe in “it takes a community to raise a child”.  I would not have hesitated telling that child to sit down or there would be a time out outside immediately.  A child needs to learn that they have to meet expectations other than their parents to successfully co-exist in this world.  A disapproving look, a cautionary word to the child or the parent that the behavior being displayed wil not be tolerated is good for both the child and parent to learn.  Sometimes the best lesson a child can learn comes from being embarrassed.  I don’t understand why EVERYONE at the shower turned a blind eye.   Why would the bridesmaids let her hang on them?  Why did you let her rip open your gifts?   Everyone of you had the right to set the boundaries of how this child interacted with you?  What is wrong with our society when adults are afraid of a six year old? 

Post # 13
2400 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

If they are they only kids, perhaps a good “thank you for being in my wedding” gift would be for you to pay a responsible babysitter to take them to a movie or something (with all the trimmings) so they don’t “have to” attend the boring adult party? Make it a positive thing.

Post # 14
6300 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I think you are well within your rights to exclude the kids. Just notify people that you are happy to have their kids participate in the ceremony and that you have decided that the reception is now adults only. If anyone asks you amy questions you can let them know that flower girl helped you make the decision. If her mother has any questions I think you should be blunt and say that her daughter’s behavior at the shower wasn’t okay for you and you do not want her at the reception. There’s not really anything to discuss.

At this point, if you cave and allow them to be there and the girl does act out at your reception, it’s on you.

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