Yes, double barelling is an option and seems like a compromise. He has thought about taking my name but thinks that it would hurt him professionally as he is already established with his name.
Yes, he said that there would not be a ring without me taking his name. However, he would still want to be engaged and I think that he still would get me one, alas not a big one. And yes, I get exact the ring that I want if I take his last name… No, I do not worry that he will be this directive when married because he has never been but up to this point. I am not sure that he sees this as a bribe, more as a compromise to get what we both want in a way…
I am in my 20s and he in his 30s.
I can see were you are coming from but he has never not treated me as an equal and values my opinion. He is a wonderful guy who I do not want to miss in my life! As for “blackmail” and “engagement” not going together, I totally agree. I guess I should have named the thread “ring deal”….
I totally understand where you are coming from. I feel that my position is somewhat similar. His last name comes from an abusive grandfather and sounds in English like “poopman”. Site note: When his sister was flying in the US the flight attendants were too ashamed to call her out through speakers, that is how silly the name is…. Keeping my maiden name professionally in Germany is unfortunately not an option…
I know, it is a “silly” problem in the end of the day but it was on my mind and I wanted to gather other opinions on the topic….
Of course there are more important things to consider when getting married. In fact, my boyfriend always says: “There is only one ring that matters – the wedding ring!” and he is right about that. The more I think of it, he might just be trying to show me how ridiculous I am for wanting a big ring in the first place and maybe he just wants me to realise that…
I think you nailed the situation. That I am now in an awkward position to decide if I my name is more important to me than a ring…. Or rather, if my boyfriend’s wish for me to take his name is not all that patriarchic as I consider it to be…. I guess we will talk about this again and I will try to listen better….
Thank you very much for all your input, it certainly gave me a lot to think about…