Post # 62
Mossanite is something I have not thought about yet… The thing is that I have set my heart on an vintage engagement ring. They are usually “cheaper”, especially if the stone is not that “great” quality…
Future kids will also be given his last name in return for me chosing their first names… 😉 Just kidding, but yeah, that we haven’t decided yet.
You are raising a valid point. I have not yet tried a 4ct stone on my hand and also wondered if it might look cheap on my size 6 1/2 to 7 fingers… The reason why I was considering such a big ring was that I found this one and fell in love with it…. I know, the quality is not great but I like the look and I am not fuzzed about the color. In fact, I like the yellow tinge…. I wish I would make anywhere near the same money he does but he will definately be the breadwinner in the family…Hence, I could not buy me the ring myself…
Woha, I know that there are rings that expensive but I never wanted a top wesselton, VVS diamond… For me it is more about the the overall look of the ring… I will pass that information on to my boyfriend though, not sure he know’s what numbers he could get himself into…
@loveerin & @ sdnathe
No, where we live there is no need to own a car and we want to buy property at a much later stage in life as renting seems more feasible for now…
I will talk to him again to find out if he is really, really serious….
Yes, you are perfectly right. What I meant to say is that I didnt want to buy-in this male-centred concept of giving up a name… Especially as I am going to probably end up (financially) dependent on my boyfriend in the longrun and wanted to keep up that little bit of independency…
Post # 63
Sounds like a good deal to me!
On the other hand, my husband tried to make a deal with me and I flat-out refused to play that game. He proposed with a bigger, more expensive ring that I had expected (though not 4 carats, geez!) and we’re happily married. No extortion.
Post # 64
@BlondeBee: +10! Yeah, OP, this situation is mad sketchy. Loving, mature adults don’t “compromise” this way; he’s holding his money over your head (because it wouldn’t matter if he proposed with no ring, if you could go buy it yourself).
Post # 65
On James Allen, the cheapest round diamond above 3.85 carats is $36,000 and is a K SI2, so that’s as cheap as it gets.
I think your name is a really personal thing — luckily my fiance has a better last name than my maiden name, so I feel like I’m “trading up.” I can totally understand not wanting to change your name.
Post # 66
I did after five or six years start using my maiden as a first, and took his last name. It was THAT important for me to keep, and I just didn’t want to hyphenate. Thankfully surnames are more common now as given names. I’ve never legally changed it. It was always important to my husband to take his name, but he let me be myself. My reason shouldn’t have even mattered, but it was because I was one of the last with the name in a dwindling family. Kind of unusual compromise, but anything’s possible. If you split the difference, will you get a 2 carat? (genuinely just kidding)
Post # 67
I have a vintage ring from the 1920’s. You are going to be hard pressed to find a vintage ring that is 4 carats, unless you are ok with 4 carats TOTAL WEIGHT. Back in the day, not many people had single stones that big.
Here is an example of a vintage ring from where I got my ring.
Just under 3 carats total weight, $42,000
Post # 68
@alaha: I totally get being attached to your own name. I didn’t want to give mine up either and wasn’t going to take his at all but I do think there’s something about sharing a name that says ‘team’ and that’s my favourite thing about being married…we are definitely a team. I do like my new double-barrelled name and I’m so glad I went diwn that route although it’s long and not everyone would enjoy dealing with it on a daily basis!! I love it though. It is genuinely unique and there’s no danger I’ll ever stumble on someone else with my name. I do still get people calling me all sorts of weird things as they either can’t or refuse to learn my new name but I’m pretty relaxed and even that just makes me laugh.
I don’t really have anything to add about the carats…except that you could lose a whole 2carats and I’d still think you had a huge ring. You could go down to 1 carat and I’d still think you had a really substantial ring. Mine is .70 centre stone and is based on an antique ‘target’ setting so it has a ‘halo’ as they’re called now. Antique rings weren’t generally huge. I’m a massive antique jewellery buff – I think the great thing about them is their style, not necessarily their size. Maybe there is a way to get something you love and wouldn’t change, without having to give up your name.
Post # 69
This situation is ludicrous. What else is he able to buy from you after he buys your name? Just buy your own ring, or a fake ring if you can’t afford a real diamond, and rock it.
Post # 70
- Wedding: June 2010 - parent\'s backyard
@SoupyCat: What else is he able to buy from you after he buys your name?
that’s what I was thinking. I agree with PPs that this is manipulative.
Post # 71
@loonyloo: Not necessarily – let me use myself as an example.
I’m very proud of my last name and my Fiance isn’t particularly proud of his, so he’s taking mine.
I’m proud of my last name because I chose it. I always knew I could change it if I wanted, because I was born with one, and my mother changed it to a different one when I was a child.
I felt I had 3 choices in last name: My birth father’s, my mother’s maiden name, and my step dad’s. Three families, three sources of identity. I deliberated hard, for years. Finally, about 10 years ago now, I was sure: I chose my step dad’s last name, because he and his family fully adopted me and treated me as one of them. The other two families did not do me such a high honor. I was proud of this last name, proud to belong to this family. (Conveniently, this is the name my mother had changed mine to when I was a kid, so no need for the hassle and money to do another legal name change.)
That is the name my FI and my future children are taking on. The name that I chose. The name of the family that took me in and loved me and nurtured my spirit as 100% one of their own, even though we have no blood in common.
Men were involved in this last name, but that doesn’t make it patriarchal.
Post # 72
@joya_aspera: Men were involved in this last name, but that doesn’t make it patriarchal.
I love how you put that!!
Post # 73
@joya_aspera: sounds like you did what was right for you. Great. I don’t really want to get into a semantic argument as it seems wholly unnecessary…patriarchal as in it came down the male line. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that application of the word. I wasusing OP’s terminology in any case. Hope that clears it up for you as you seem to have taken umbrage with my definition!! I like your solution though. Each to their own, which was precisely my point.
Post # 74
@loonyloo: If it came down the genetic male line, it would actually be my birth father’s last name. Because I chose it based on the family I was proud to belong to (not just my step dad… male and female family members), I wasn’t really “taking the name from a male” from my perspective. They all got it from a male, yes, but I got it from all of them – males and females.
Even in the case that I took my birth father’s last name, at the point where I gave it to my husband and/or children, the male line is broken…I’m clearly a female part of the line… it is now both genders. It doesn’t have to be all-female not to be patriarchal.
Post # 75
@adoc86: haha….great idea!
Post # 76
@cmbr: “On James Allen, the cheapest round diamond above 3.85 carats is $36,000 and is a K SI2, so that’s as cheap as it gets.”
Not to be nitpicky, but that just isn’t true. James Allen definitely isn’t the only diamond vendor there is! Just doing a quick PriceScope search, there are 9 diamonds in the 4 carat range that cost under $20,000. Lowww colors, not GIA certed, and SI1-SI3, but the fact remains.