Ring bringing negative reactions

posted 2 weeks ago in Rings
Post # 2
Hostess
8932 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle

First of all, those people suck and don’t deserve your energy. The only thing that matters is that you love your ring and what it symbolizes. 

Post # 3
Member
35 posts
Newbee

I’m so sorry to hear that! People can be nosy and judgmental, but your ring sounds lovely and special to you, and plenty of people don’t do open bars!

It isn’t anyone’s business what stone your ring has, but if you do want to walk back your lie, you could always confide in a few coworkers that it is actually a moissy but you felt put on the spot at the time and wasn’t sure how to react. I am sure people would understand that. I am getting a lab diamond, but I seriously considered a moissanite because of how much more sparkly it is and how it reflects rainbows. If someone asks you about your stone, and you feel comfortable, definitely feel free to heap praise on the stone and explain what you love about it. In this day and age, a lot of people don’t get diamonds, however getting something close to a diamond can make people wonder if you are trying to pass off a different stone as a diamond. If you frame it as a conscious choice that you are happy with, then you might even inspire someone else to start looking at getting the same!

But seriously, no one deserves an explanation and feel free to lie through your teeth without guilt if you want to. ๐Ÿ˜‰ 

Post # 4
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

People are so rude! Own it in whatever way you please, no shame! Brag that it’s a moissinte and you LOVE it or tell them it’s whatever you want. People who are too focused and judgement always your ring choice don’t deserve the time to worry about. ๐Ÿ™‚  have your friends been difficult as well? How’s family? Those are people you expect more from 

Post # 5
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: January 2020

Rude people will always find a reason to judge, either it’s too big or too small, the right or wrong stone, etc. In New York City the average seems to be from my experience well over a karat and around 6-7k in price, mine is 0.67 and 3500 in price, within a weak I had one person say how small it was and did I know He was going so small, and another ask the price and comment how cheap the ring is (not in a good way).  

Rude ppeople will always find a way to be rude 

Post # 6
Member
9 posts
Newbee

People can be really awful and rude.  As PPs mentioned, don’t let it ruin your excitement or steal your joy.  I am curious though, based on your reaction when asked if your ring was a diamond, why are you feeling the need to conform?  

You say your boss (friend?) asked publicly with the intention to embarrass you. Did s/he know it wasn’t one beforehand or are you simply placing unnecessary pressure on yourself?  If the latter, then you really need to give yourself a break and say to hell with what everyone says or thinks.  Otherwise, wedding planning (and life in general) will be a really rough ride. 

Post # 7
Member
301 posts
Helper bee

How rude! I can’t imagine asking a co-worker how much her ring cost or questioning the stone!

May I ask what kind of moissanite you have? Fancy shaped moissanite doesn’t look diamond-like IMO. They still shouldn’t be nosy or throw shade, but that could be what is prompting their nosiness. It’s hard to navigate how to handle the co-worker concerns. If your co-workers can handle constructive criticism and you don’t want to pass it off,  I’d be honest that you felt like you needed to lie because you were put on the spot and weren’t sure how’d they react to moissanite. It might make them realize how rude they were being. If you want to pass it off as a diamond, it’s your stone, your business, and they aren’t entitled to know. As far as the cost of the ring, I don’t care if it’s a piece of string or the hope diamond, that question is rude by any standard and doesn’t deserve an answer. 

Your friends sound petty. If they are judging your ring it is probably because they are status obsessed and either A) irritated that you have a sparkly white stone that is bigger than theirs, or B) you have a sparkly white stone that is gorgeous and didn’t put you in debt. You got the same look they have without the cost. I feel like that is the reason some diamond owners throw shade at moissanite. 

Moissanite is awesome and is giving the diamond industry a run for its money. Enjoy your ring and don’t let anyone steal your joy. 

Also, post a pic! Let’s see the beauty that is causing so much ruckus, lol. 

applemaps :  

Post # 8
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

I second the picture request ๐Ÿ™‚ let’s see that beauty! Post with pride 

Post # 9
Member
301 posts
Helper bee

littlebirdbee :  Unbelievable. I am so sorry you had to deal with that. It’s really a commentary on how shallow our culture has become that people would act like such simpletons about something that is supposed to symbolize love. I feel like people who have those attitudes towards other’s material possessions are pretty try-hard IRL. I’ve worked with wealthy professionals who have minimalist style or just feel like jewelry is a poor financial investment in general. My grandmother was pretty wealthy and owned nothing but costume jewelry for that very reason. Some people are so dumb! 

And some people have small stones because, yes, they’re broke. Both they and their partners might be very educated and extremely underpaid like teachers and social workers. Or they work blue collar jobs that the rest of us educated folk need people to do because we couldn’t get by in every day life without them. They might not have Kardashian money but they contribute more to society than many wealthy celebrities with 5 carat stones do.

Sorry, I got on a tangent. I’ll step off my soapbox now. /rant. 

Post # 10
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

@applemaps

Sounds like they are being petty or jealous if your stone is bigger than other people around you. I echo the bee that if you want to get it off your chest quietly tell nicer coworkers whose opinion you might care for the fact that you were put on the spot and reacted defensively, I’m sure most of them can imagine that feeling even if they still judge a bit.

Personally I’d let it die down and people get used to it. They may tell themselves it’s a sim to make themselves feel better, and honestly why not? WB has taught me to question all stones and realize you never really know if someone paid a lot or a little, and some people resort to taking out loans for their rings – you weren’t one of them hopefully! You got the ring you love and just because other people aren’t falling all over it doesn’t change the fact that it’s gorgeous in its own right. 

 

Post # 11
Member
41 posts
Newbee

I’m so sorry you have to deal with such petty and rude people! I never understood why some types of people feel it is okay to count the money of others.

If I were you, I wouldn’t worry about backtracking about your ring to your coworkers. You don’t owe them an explanation, especially since a few of them seem to be petty. I know that “two wrongs don’t make a right,” but it just does not seem worth the effort to me.

Unfortunately, engagements and weddings often bring out the worst in folks ๐Ÿ™ One’s insecurities can feel magnified against the backdrop of another’s happiness. I think that people who are emotionally immature handle feelings of jealousy by trying to pick apart the subject of their envy, rather than doing some self-work to grapple with their feelings.

Keep your chin up and ignore the haters! I’m sure your ring is beautiful and special!

 

applemaps :  

Post # 12
Member
833 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

applemaps :  that incident was not a reflection on you but just showed that person for what they truly are – a complete d**k. The bystanders would have seen that as well. Hold your head high and rock your ring x

Post # 13
Member
2293 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

This is why I caution those considering moissanite on the boards to carefully consider size if they’re going to hope their moissanite is going to pass as a diamond. If one is ok having a simulant, and takes pride in their choice, they will excitedly tell people about their ring. This -hoping it will pass- is a difficult situation to be in. I feel for you. People can say all day long how rude it is that people ask these questions, but you have to know that it’s fairly typical for people to be curious about “the ring”. And let’s be honest, the reason that many people opt for moissanite is so that they can socially signal wealth wuthout spending the money on diamonds. Especially for those who are uncomfortable admitting it’s not a diamond. I understand. I get it. But at this point you’re going to have to become more comfortable telling people it’s a moissanite or become more comfortable lying. You won’t be able to change people’s response to your ring, unfortunately 

Post # 14
Member
575 posts
Busy bee

People are dicks. Ignore them and rise above it.

Post # 15
Member
2162 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

jannigirl :  this!

applemaps :  op, I’m sorry you’re going through this. Try to ignore and focus on the lovely sentiment and commitment behind the ring. As a pp said, it may be best to just own what you have. Often people can tell something is “off”, different than a diamond when they see a large cz or moissanite stone.  Of course the majority are not going to say that or ask…. 

Simulants are common today and you may get less shade by being upfront that it is moissanite, but of course that’s up to you. Don’t allow anything or anyone to detract from your happiness!

You asked if you should correct what you said with  your co workers. I’m not a good liar and dishonesty makes me uncomfortable. Thus if it were *me*, I would revisit it and this time be honest. They *already* suspect/know it’s not a diamond, honesty will only reflect positively on you. Your choice though.  Best wishes

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