Ring bringing negative reactions

posted 11 months ago in Rings
Post # 16
820 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

Don’t go out of your way to correct it with your coworkers at this point because they aren’t worth the effort, but in the future don’t lie about it. People who make comments like that are most likely either insecure about the size of their own diamonds or otherwise fixated on the “stone size = money spent” wealth signalling. Worrying about their comments and feeling embarrassed just further validates that fixation. 

Post # 17
2005 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

When they ask if it’s real say “Real what? A real ring? Yes. You can tell by the way it is shaped in a circular formation. I would think you would have learned your shapes a long time ago.” and walk off. 

I have a moissy and I’m proud of it. I told people what it was because I thought it was cool. 

Anyone that tells you would you should plan your wedding, and calls you cheap while doing so, should be on the do not invite list. 

Post # 18
4232 posts
Honey bee

Wow, these people must be miserable jackasses  if they have to disparage your ring choice. I’m sorry you have these “friends” and coworkers in your life. There are plenty of people out there who are moissy fans due to its appearance. I’d never criticize a moissanite ring. I’d just figure that she was smart financially and her ring was pretty. Some people are just assholes. It doesn’t mean your ring is deficient in any way; to the contrary, they are.

Post # 19
2929 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Bottom line is some people are rude and have no filter.  But do you know for sure that your boss was just trying to embarrass you (does she have a history of doing that?) or is that your own insecurity projecting that conclusion?

One of my girlfriends got an emerald cut moissanite in a halo.  It was 1.5 ct, so not huge and a normal size for the area we live in, but she has tiny fingers so the ring looked really big on her.  She would get comments like how could she let her fiance spend so much money on a ring, and when she would point out it was a moissanite, she would then get radio silence.  Moissys aren’t super popular around here, so most people didn’t know what they were, and she then had to explain, or they thought they were a special kind of CZ.

She wound up being so uncomfortable that she bought a real, much smaller diamond.  She loves her new ring and has never had a rude comment thrown her way.  I bought her moissanite because I love emerald cuts.  I have only worn it a handful of times because even though it’s pretty, something is off, and I think I project that insecurity when I wear it.  Like, is everyone going to know it’s not a diamond?  It’s not my engagement ring (I wear it on my right hand) so I shouldn’t care what others think, but I guess deep down I do.

I don’t think I’d say anything to my coworkers now.  In time, no one will care about your ring.

Post # 20
4232 posts
Honey bee

sunnierdaysahead2 :  This is very interesting. It’s why when a poster asks for the most diamond-like moissy  I’d  offer the suggestion that she just consider a smaller diamond. If you’re not comfortable with your choice or feel that you’re masquerading in some way, moissanite is probably not for you.

Post # 21
997 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Aww bee, I’m sorry you’re feeling a bit embarassed.  I suggest you think deeply about why these scenes irritate you so much.  My initial thoughts were similar to PPs.  Then I reread the OP.  Here’s a slightly different take.

Your friends think you’re making a cheap choice if you don’t provide open bar.  Open bars are more expensive than cash/ limited/ dry bars. Your choice is the cheaper one.  If you were deciding between orchids and daisies for your bouquet, daisies would be cheaper.  Do you feel that cheaper is a negative trait?   

Someone asked you if your ring is a diamond. It isn’t. It looks like one, but if it’s throwing discoball shine, something will be off to the naked eye. If you were wearing a blue-purplish stone, it wouldn’t be considered rude to ask if the stone is a tanzanite.  Do you feel like “not a real diamond” is a negative or “less-than” trait?

It sounds like you’re a little uncomfortable with your choices or with the budgetary limitations that led you to make them.  If you were prouder of your stone, would you lie about it?

It’s entirely possible that these folks were just being jerks.  However, I’ve never been upset to mention that something I own is a cheaper/ look-alike version unless I couldn’t afford the alternative and was a little bummed about it.   I hope you get to the point where you’re excited to tell people about your moissanite (or making prudent financial choices), as opposed to feeling judged.

Post # 22
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

applemaps :  It isn’t worth correcting just leave it be , no one will really know what it is and a 1.25 mossy looks like a realistic size!  Its not like you got a huge moissanite like over 3 carats trying to pass it off. I think you will be fine honestly! 

Post # 23
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

To be frank, I think most of this issue stems from your own dishonesty.

You say it’s a beautiful ring that’s great for your budget. So why don’t you just tell people that? When they ask if it’s real, say “It’s a real moissanite!”. When they ask how much it cost, say “Much less than a diamond this size, and I think it looks even better!” There doesn’t have to be any conflict here.

Be proud of your decisions and who you are. It seems like you don’t want your friends to think of you as someone who spends lots of money on a ring rather than hosting your guests. But that’s fine, because you’re not that person! You didn’t prioritize a fancy ring over an open bar; you just made the more frugal decision in both cases.

When you start pretending to be someone you’re not—in this case, someone with money to throw around, who would be “embarrassed” to own a moissanite—people will start treating you accordingly, and it can be hard to reconcile the deception with the truth. It’s much easier just to be upfront.

Post # 24
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

That is awful. Moissanite is gorgeous and is rapidly gaining popularity. There are several top designers who work with it. I’d love to see a pic of your ring. 

Post # 25
4232 posts
Honey bee

I will say that the reaction you’re getting to no open bar is pretty typical. I’ve heard this view expressed many times from different people regarding different weddings, and I do share it to an extent. If you invite someone to your house you typically offer them a drink unless you’re of a religion that forbids alcohol. The same principle applies to an event you invite people to. I’d consider at least limited cocktails/beer and wine. The only dry bar wedding I attended was done as cheaply as possible since the couple stated that they had no money. But they had all the newest videogames and and an entire wall of dvds. People choose to spend their money on different things. It sounds like you’re uncomfortable with your choices. I’d love a house in the mountains instead of a 1 week timeshare, but I can’t afford to support 4 houses/buildings. Our friends frequently bring up the place they own, but I don’t give a rat’s ass because I’m comfortable with how we spend our money. It sounds like maybe you’re not.

Post # 26
2631 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

You have to wear it and be proud of it! Don’t worry what others say. 

It’s your ring and you should be happy to tell people the details.

Post # 27
6245 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

coffeecakez :  this!

OP- you need to figure out your priorities and live by those with confidence. If you are truly doing what works best for you, it is much easier to ignore what other people are saying and doing (even when it’s directly to you). You and your SO made a decision for your ring and if no one said anything to you, you would still be happy about it. Anyone asking you questions or offering snarky opinions who is not also offering money to back up said suggestions (which we all know they are not) needs to shut up and get out of your face.

Buck up. Take lots of beautiful hand pics, gesture broadly and gracefully so your ring catches ALL the light in the room and if you aren’t yet comfortable telling people your ring is a moissy (which you might want to get to) then come up with a variety of flippant responses that you can laughingly toss out instead.

“My ring is made of pure fairy dust.”

“My ring is made of unicorn horn powder.”

“My ring is made of pure starlight. SO flew to Venus to gather it for me. I bet your guy didn’t gather starlight and turn it into a ring for you, huh?”

“My ring is made of Adamantium. SO fought Wolverine and when he won, he demanded some as the victor.”

“My ring is made from the tears of a witch who lost a bet with me.”

“My ring is made of enchanted water.”

“My ring is made of fairy wings.”

“My ring is made of pure moonlight.”

“My SO snagged that grain of sand light from the childlike empress when he called her name and she let him turn it into a ring for me.”

Good luck. I can totally understand feeling like you’ve been put on the spot- especially in a group setting and with the power dynamic of your boss asking you a question. That was in poor taste and on him/her. Wear your ring with pride and joy.

And what I told my Fiance when he said some of his friends wouldn’t like that we weren’t serving hard alcohol at our wedding was “Our wedding is not the place for people to come and get wasted. If they can’t have a good time with the alcohol we’re providing (according to what works for OUR budget, NOT their going out clubbing drinking preferences) then they can buy their own before or after the event.” And that was the end of that.

Post # 28
892 posts
Busy bee

Your stone is conflict-free, and that is something to be proud of. The next time someone questions your ring, look them straight in the eye and tell them you know with 100% certainty your gorgeous stone was not dug up by a child in an African slave mine. Then glance down at their diamond, and raise an eyebrow. That should shut them up. 😉 

Post # 29
300 posts
Helper bee

applemaps :  Such a shame! OMG, I’m sorry this has happened to you! I too chose a 7mm moissanite for my ering and absolutley LOVE it sill…but I wish I had got a 7.5mm now! Damn shinkage! I recently showed off my ring at a party and when asked how big the dimaond was I replied that it was moissanite and my friend said “Oh don’t tell anyone that!” which made me feel awkward. I didn’t want to pass off a moissanite as a diamond ever, and so I explained that I chose my moissanite over diamond and was really thrilled with it.

Ignore the haters and congratulations on your engagement. x

Post # 30
70 posts
Worker bee

I’ve had that same problem, but I usually ignore them

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