(Closed) Ring confrontation

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Hostess
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I would have felt weird if my Fiance gave me a ring that he previously used to propose to an ex. No matter how gorgeous the ring is, I wouldn’t want it. I think it is great that you are so special to him that he didn’t want to:

1) re-use a ring he gave to his ex when the ring would clearly have been free

2) the fact that he got you a different ring that is still unique and beautiful (a yellow diamond instead of ruby’s)

Perhaps his family didn’t offer it for the same reason we are all stating… he previously used it with another girl which ultimately ended in a broken engagement. 

I wouldn’t get too worked up over it, i’m sure he had the right intentions behind not giving you the family ring 🙂 Now to be more positive, can you post a picture of the gorgeous ring he did give you!!! Dieing to see that yellow diamond 🙂

Post # 32
Member
1095 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

I’m pretty sure no other girl would ever want to be proposed to with the same ring an ex girlfriend was proposed to with. Which the parents likely know, which is why they haven’t offered. My 2 cents.

Post # 33
Member
1260 posts
Bumble bee

The other ring now represents a failed engagement. He went out and bought a ring specifically for you because he thought it would make you happy. He probably wanted a “fresh” start and wouldn’t have even considered proposing to you with the exact same ring he once gave to someone else. I would give him a lot of credit for these things.

Post # 34
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Your feelings of being slighted by his mother are completely valid, and is something I think you should discuss with her if you are able.  However, you should be happy that he picked out a new, beautiful ring for you that is all your own. Don’t let this overshadow the fact that you are going to marry the love of your life! This is a happy time, enjoy it!

Post # 35
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

But, the ring is someone elses property.. And it now symbolizes a failed engagement. Why on earth would you just assume that ring would be given to you? Your feelings are all on you.. You counted your chickens before they were hatched and are now somehow disapointed that you didn’t get a ring that belongs to someone else.

I think its time to get over it and appreciate the fact that he proposed with a new ring.

Post # 36
Member
2317 posts
Buzzing bee

I totally understand ring disapointment but hang in there.  What an amazing story you have to go along with the ring your Fiance proposed with.  I’m sure the family heirloom ring is gorgeous but it is not your FI’s to give and he probally would have if it was up to him.  Focus on the fact that you are going to be a part of the family and eventually you may stilll receive the ring as a Gift at some other point in time. On the bright side this family that you are marrying into seems to be very considerate of peoples feelings.  So maybe it was less about you as a person and more about how you might feel about a ring from a failed engagement that was someone’s whom is still close to the family.  It sounds like your Fiance understands how much you like the ring so no worries, be patient.  Rock that gorgeous ring that you have and just know that he is Always thinking of you, even when he is away.

 

PS have you posted a pic of this pear shaped beauty????  Id love to see it

Post # 37
Member
346 posts
Helper bee

I’m pretty new at this but my two cents. I think many folks have missed the point; the fact of the matter is you don’t feel accepted by his family because his mother didn’t offer you the family ring. I understand and I would feel slighted too. I asked my Fiance about this and he replied, “maybe his mother didn’t offer it”. I would express my concerns to my Fiance about his family’s feelings towards me, and the future of your relationship. I may be the dissenting opinion around here but just my two cents.

Post # 38
Member
1354 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
blackinthesuburbs:  We didn’t miss the point. If she’s feeling unaccepted by the family for NO OTHER REASON than they didn’t offer the ring, she is bringing that feeling on herself. Like others said, the Mother-In-Law could have lots of legit reasons for not offering it, the most likely those being she may have assumed OP wouldn’t want the same ring and her son wouldn’t want to propose with the same ring either!!! If OP can’t give ANY other examples and scenarios as to how they have been unaccepting of her, and it’s based SOLELY on the ring then she’s making those assumptions herself and reading too much into it. 

Since she has been completely silent since her original post, I’m thinking she may not be too happy with our responses and they’re not what she was hoping to hear. It’s a shame to start off her engagement worrying about this instead of just enjoying it! 

  • This reply was modified 5 years ago by  beetruz13.
Post # 39
Member
47381 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
peppermintbowl:  This didn’t go the way you hoped, did it?

Post # 40
Member
2240 posts
Buzzing bee

It’s likely that your fiancé’s mom gave your fiancé the ring to give to his ex not just because he was getting married, but because she was friends from childhood with her mom. That’s a comfort level and history that makes the giving of a family heirloom feel easy, comfortable, and appropriate. It’s also possible that the ring wouldn’t have been offered to your fiancé if he was going to propose to anyone other than his ex.

I sympathize with you, I really do, but the fact is that the ring is his mom’s to give or not give. Trying to get that ring is simply not a good idea; it isn’t yours. Heck, it’s not even your fiancé’s ring, so he has no right to it anyway.

Try to focus on the fact that you’re getting married to your fiancé. That’s the most important part of this whole situation, not a ring that his mother owns or who it was offered to before. 

Post # 41
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

While I can understand your emotions, I think you need to rein them in.  Your feelings seem to be based on some assumptions, and a lot of entitelment, which is most likely not how you want to start your new union and family.

The ring belongs to your Future Mother-In-Law, it’s hers, and it’s her decision on what to do with it.  You’re not entitled to it.  I’m guessing that you don’t need to read into it like you’ve done.  I have a feeling that her intentions were good, and her explanation frankly makes sense to me.  Not everything is about you, and this does not automatically make his ex-fi more special than you.  Know that and be confident.

Second, as PPs have mentioned, the ring represents a failed relationship.  Maybe your Fiance doesn’t want to see that particular symbol every day.  I think it’s very thoughtful that he got you your own beautiful ring.  Just imagine him going into the shop, staring at it, and buying it… all while thinking of YOU. so sweet.

It sounds like you’ve tried to be tactful with how you’ve brought it up, which is good.  And it’s good that you got your questions answered.  Try to keep it at that.  One thing I’m realizing is that men tend to be very proud of the rings they give, try not to make him feel bad, but let him know how happy he makes you.

Post # 42
Member
1294 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

He saw a ring in a shop and thought of you and how much you would love it. End of story.

Post # 43
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I would feel odd if my Fiance proposed to me with a ring that he had previously proposed to an ex with. I’d be really uncomfortable with it. The first thought that came to mind while reading your post was that he/his family thought you wouldn’t like to be proposed to with that ring so he bought a new one. I’d honestly be happy that he got me a new ring. I think it’s lovely that he thought you would love the ring he got.

Post # 44
Member
96 posts
Worker bee

You sound really really high maintenance. Why do you think that you’re entitled to a ring that belongs to his family? Be grateful for what youve got.

Post # 45
Member
418 posts
Helper bee

Why would you want that ring as an egagement ring anyway?? he used it for his EX .  I would be happy he gave you a ring and you got your proposal with what sounds like a lovely ring.  Your Fiance and Future Mother-In-Law were right not to use/offer this ring.  I think you would have been more upset if he RE-USED a ring from an EX

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