Post # 1
I have a dilema… I feel that something is going to happen pretty soon but I don’t think he has bought the ring yet as he has mentioned that he will be getting quite a lot of money from tax he over paid soon and he is selling a few things that will bring in extra cash. I am very very excited and happy and walking around with a huge grin on my face… However there is something I am a little worried about. The ring.
We have been talking about getting engaged for the last 2 years and I have always been sure I wanted a very particular ring, which I showed to him quite a few times. My dilema is that recently I have changed my mind about the ring! I really don’t want to bring this up to him because I have been trying very hard to not mention weddings too much and I don’t want to seem spoilt and bratty. I am also worried that there is a 1% chance he already has the ring and that if I tell him I have changed my mind he will be crushed.
Don’t get me wrong, I know in my heart that I would be 100000% happy with whatever ring I get, because it will mean I will be getting married to the love of my life. But I also cannot get the idea of this ring out of my head, and I don’t know if there is a way of letting him know that I would like to be a part of the ring selection process without ruining a plan he already has or annoying him with my control freak-ness!
I am aware that I am being very spoilt here but if anyone has any brilliant ideas please do let me know! I don’t know what to do!
Post # 3
oh that is so difficult! It sounds to me like it may be a little too late to say anything – given that he has alluded to a big tax return and selling some things for cash means he is preparing to buy it – if he hasnt already!
I think your best bet might be to be honest… just asking him if he has bought the ring yet, and if he has, let it go, and if he hasnt, ask if it is too late to make a suggestion.
Post # 4
Does he have a friend that could give you intel?
Post # 5
That’s such a tough situation! I so wish I had valid advice… I think I would do as Corgi suggested and try and ask a friend of his?
Post # 6
I would just show him the ring picture and say that you found another ring style you also love. And reiterate that you would be happy with any ring and it’s not the important part. You’re still going to have to be happy with the old choice, because that’s what he’s seen. If it were me, I’d try to find a really casual way to show him your new favorite.
Post # 7
Thanks for all the advice guys! Unfortunately his best guy friend is NOT someone I would talk to about that and I’m pretty sure he would tell my Boyfriend or Best Friend about the conversation.
Last night we were lying in bed with my laptop and I made a joke about him always thinking of different ways to spend money. Then I said that if he really wanted to spend money he should check out my favourite website sometime and I opened the bluenile website (which is where the ring is from). He went along with the joke but when I tried to get more specific he changed the topic of conversation completely and put the computer on the floor… I don’t know what to do. I really and more and more sure that he hasn’t already bought it but I think that he wants to suprise me when he eventually does.
It was sooo much easier showing him rings I liked before when the idea of getting engaged was just ‘ something that will happen in the future’ and there was no pressure on him. I think that we are so close to an engagement because of the fact that I haven’t been bringing it up recently… and I don’t want to undo that…
Post # 8
The following advice is truly silly, but it doesn’t require any talk:
Take a picture or colored print-out of the ring and draw a big red heart around it! Then conveniently leave it somewhere next to a notebook or your picture file. I laughed when I wrote that out! It’s super cheesy, not so aubtle, but guys might not think it’s as blatant as contacting his friend about it. *shrug*
Post # 9
Or conveniently leave a window up of a post that says, “If I could pick my ring, it would be … ” (Insert picture and name and direct link online)!
Again, this is absolutely cheezy advice, and if anything it could lighten things up and he’ll get a laugh out of it!
Post # 10
I like both of Vitsippa’s ideas. I think talking about it can get a little awkward so leaving a cute little note is the perfect way to tell him. I am in the same boat as you, talked about getting engaged but not there yet and felt I needed to tell my bf a few things that I wanted from a proposal. I typed him a note *from my dog* that layed out a bunch of timing, ring, etc rules/requests regarding the proposal. It worked well and I think he was happy to have some direction.
Good luck and remember you can always return the ring after the proposal if you dont like it. Although I know we all want to avoid that situation!
Post # 11
Those are good ideas actually, especially if you can’t enlist a friend to help
Post # 12
Of course I agree with Patco you can always return it. It just depends on what would be worse for you, having an ackward conversation, or having to return the ring?
Out of curiosity, what is the ring you like vs the new one? Have you tried them both on?
Post # 13
Thanks again for all the ideas! I know I can always rely on the bee!
Vistippa you made me laugh out loud with your suggestions hehe! I can so imagine myself doing that but I think I’d need a bit of dutch courage first!
I could always return it, but I want to get it from blue nile so it’s a bit more complicated to return I think because you can’t just walk in to a store.
@ DreamingBee They are very similar to be honest. I’ve always wanted a three stone ring but recently I’ve changed my mind about the proportions. I used to want one where the side stones would be 1/2 the carat weight of the center stone, but recently i’ve been thinking and I think I would prefer a much bigger difference, so a big center stone with tiny little accent stones on each side, so that it looks more like an engagement ring and less like an anniversary ring. To be fair, I would still be over the moon with what ever he gives me it’s just that the more I look at engagement rings, the more I think the second one would look beautiful.
Post # 14
Oh! I suggest going to a store and trying on the different proportions of 3-stone rings, if you haven’t already done so. You want to get a feel for how the difference actually looks on *your* finger (rather than a picture), and how it feels. It sounds like a fairly subtle difference between your original and new choice, but some gals are mighty picky about rings. For example, I rarely wear jewelry and I find that I’m much more comfortable wearing rings that have a thin band between the fingers. Although I appreciate some of the detailing of heirloom rings, if it feels like there’s a half a pound of metal between my fingers it really weirds me out. I want something comfortable.
In my very humble opinion I do think it’s valuable to try those shiny suckers on if you haven’t already. After all, the promise is that you would wear it for the rest of your life. So make sure you like it!
LOL! I can’t help but see the irony, here I am giving advice and I’ve actually changed my ring preferences in the last 24 hours..I am not kidding! the reason: my darling Boyfriend or Best Friend gave me an absolutely beautiful piece of jewelry (a necklace) that was so touching in it’s simplicity and SO CLASSY and so “ME”. I didn’t pick it out, By The Way.
I was the girl who really didn’t care about the ring. But initial conversations made it sound like he’d be a “go big” guy when it comes to rings, partially becuase of the man-pride issue and partially because he and his friends make a lot more money than me and are more apt to spend what I would consider unnncessary prices on a ring. I won’t bore you with the whole story but that’s the snapshot. Today I was looking at my necklace and I just saw that he had impeccable taste. And realized that it may have been un-necessary to pick out that Tacori that I was drooling over….and maybe I should hide that model # that I put in a very obvious place, and him pick something on his own. Becuase he knows my taste better than I thought. And now I want something that matches the necklace 🙂
Didn’t mean to ramble on forever, just wanted you to know you’re not alone in changing your mind.
And my hunch is that you will want to confirm your suspicion that the second one would look more beautiful. I’ve read about many Bees on this board who have changed their minds once they actually went ring shopping. I’m assuming you haven’t tried it on because you said it “would” look beautiful, rather than “it does look beautiful”.
Keep us posted!
Post # 15
Hi, I know its been a week since this post has been active but I really wanted to write something on it and had lost my password so now that I am back in action here is my piece…
I went through the same thing as you and had picked out my favorite ring very early on in the game. I knew it was the one and often went in to try it on at the local store. One day when I went into the store, there was another ring there that was absolutely stunning and I fell in love with it immediately. When my now fiance and I went to the store to “try on” rings, I brought out my the old ring and the new ring to try on so that he would have two choices. He ended up picking the design of my first ring and redesigning it with a ring designer, putting in better diamonds and just making it perfect. With that said, I look back now and am glad that he went with my first choice. I believe that if I would have recieved the second ring that although I would have loved what it symbolized, I really would have been dissapointed. What I am trying to say here is…go with your first instincts they are usually the right ones. It’s like dresses when you start to try them on, you find your dress but some people keep looking and get confused!
Post # 16
I’m all for open and honest communication. Be calm and mention that you know he might not be ready to purchase a ring but you’ve been looking at them and you changed your mind about what style you like. If this is the man you’re going to marry I don’t see the need to hatch some elaborate scheme.