Post # 1
I need help (or a reality check – not sure which). The issue at hand is that I am not in love with the my engagement ring (picture below). I’m really upset that I feel this way and I’d rather just be happy at what it symbolizes instead of being so caught up on what it actually looks like. I’ve been engaged for about 7 months and I finally told my fiancé about how I felt about 4 months into the engagement. The ring is really meaningful because he had it custom made – I later found out he tried to incorporate his own style into the ring which is why it looks the way it does.
He did ask me what I wanted before we were engaged and I told him “something simple” – “either round or princess cut solitaire diamond”. I didn’t get too crazy about telling/showing him pictures of what I liked, because I figured he would ask again later (but he didn’t).
Anyway he proposed (and it was the most wonderful proposal ever!) and as soon as he put the ring on my finger I knew I did not like the way it looked and my heart sank because I was hoping I’d like it no matter what it looked like. So I guess I’m disappointed in myself.
My fiancé and I talked about it a bit more recently and he said that if I did decide to change the ring, it would hurt his feelings because the ring symbolizes that he is willing to do more than just go to a store and buy a ring – he’s willing to give me something unique and have it symbolize that he will always be intentional with me and our relationship and go above and beyond.
I understand all of this and I do appreciate it immensely – but it doesn’t change the fact that I don’t love the ring. I want to love it when I look at it and I don’t want to have “ring envy” when I look at other people’s rings. 🙁 The reality is that he asked me what I wanted, I told him what I wanted, and he got me something completely different. Now I’m feeling bad for speaking up about it because he put all of this extra effort into having this ring custom made, but it’s not what I wanted.
Am I being selfish? Should I just suck it up and accept the ring for what it is meant to be – a gift from his heart?
Post # 3
I know these threads can get a little ridiculous and some people on here are just plain mean. I just wanted to say that I can understand where you’re both coming from. It’s a tough situation because of course everyone wants to love their ring, but on the other hand it was a gift and it could hurt the giver if you don’t love it… I don’t really have any advice, only because I have no idea what I would do in that situation…
Personally I am super picky about jewelery & my engagement ring is the only piece I wear. My fiance knows he’s not the best at picking this kinda stuff out and he was worried about disappointing me so we decided to choose the ring together. When we decided to do it this way I asked him if he was sure he was ok with us doing it together and he told me he doesn’t get what the big deal is about women being involved in the ring choice because at the end of the day I’m the one who has to wear it for the rest of my life and he wanted to make sure I was happy.
Would it be possible to continue wearing it and maybe agree you can get an anniversary ring later on??
Post # 4
I don’t think you’re being selfish at all. You should love your ring, too. And it’s okay to not like it just because your Fiance picked it out. My Darling Husband gives me gifts all the time – some of which I don’t like. THis should really be no different. Hoewever, if he prefers you not to change it, I kind of think you might be stuck. Do you think he would be open to this idea:
-reset the center diamond into a setting of your choosing (and maybe one you pay for, too?). Then, put a gemstone into the original setting and wear as a right hand ring?
What kind of settings do you like? I wouldn’t like your ring beacuse the diamond is set so low and I like my rings to be set up higher. If it’s something like that you don’t like, maybe you could talk to a jeweler about a way to add prongs and set the diamond up a bit higher? It looks like a beautiful stone but it kind of gets lost being set so low.
It’s also going to be hard to get a wedding band to match, especially if you don’t like curved bands, or don’t want to wear your e-ring on your right hand. Maybe you could go at it from that angle with him?
Post # 5
One option is to reset it as a single solitaire, and then also custom design a wedding band to wrap around each side in a similar fashion to the original ring. This way you could keep the essence of your FI’s design while also having a solitaire that you like. However with this option, you would probably have to have the wedding band soldered to your ring or have a band on either side.
In all honestly I can see why you dislike the ring. It’s heavy looking and if you wanted something simple and delicate this would not fit into either of those categories.
Post # 6
Not to make a mountain out of a molehill, but I find it a little concerning that he designed a ring to please himself (did not get what you specfically stated you like and “tried to incorporate his own style”) and he’s saying that he will be hurt if you change it. Is this issue just about the ring, or does he exhibit similar behavior in other aspects of your relationship? If it’s the latter, maybe some couples counseling would be helpful. If the ring is just a ring, well, that’s still tricky. Ideally, it will grow on you. Otherwise, I guess I would wear the ring until you get married, and then wear the e-ring on your right hand and maybe slowly transition out of wearing it altogether.
Post # 7
I completely understand where you’re coming from OP…you’re going to wear it the rest of your life, which in my opinion puts it in a different category than other gifts. If I was your Fiance I would want you to be happy, above all else. I like the pp’s idea of resetting it as a simple solitaire and then either design a cool wedding band or have him design a unique necklace/RHR/whatever for you. I don’t blame you as that is a pretty thick band, and very different from what you said you wanted.
Good luck. :/
Post # 8
I’m sort of on the fence here because I can see both sides. On the one hand, your Fiance wanted to design something for you personally rather than just going out and buying you something from a jewelry store. I’m guessing by the design he also wanted you to have something unique and special, something that symbolized who he was, and how he felt about you.
But, you obviously dislike the ring and this is a ring you would be wearing the rest of your life. It also symbolizes your love and relationship with your Fiance and the last thing you want is to dislike that symbol.
Maybe the two of you could come to a compromise? Reset the stones in a different band?
Post # 9
@MrsWBS: I do feel that the diamond is set really low and it doesn’t really feel/look like an e-ring because of this. My style is to have it set a little higher, be a bit daintier, the band to be a bit thinner, etc. I did bring up the idea of having the center diamond re-set into a different setting (this is the point where I could tell he was really disappointed).
I’d love to keep wearing it on my left hand since it is my engagement ring (whether it’s this design or a different setting).
I think it’s a hard lesson for both of us to learn. I should have done better knowing myself and my expectations so he was not put in a situation like this and I think he should have just stuck with what I told him instead of trying to incorporate something different with a piece of jewelry as important as this. I’m not one to start drama, I don’t like to be so petty about things, but for some reason this is really important to me. Probably because it’s really the only piece of jewlery I wear and that is on purpose – it means so much to me that I have found someone I love and want to spend the rest of my life with – I want this peice to stand out as a symbol of that (but I want to love it!)
Thanks for your advice 🙂
Post # 10
@asbtoabs: Don’t worry you are not making a mountain out of a mole hill. He does sometimes insert his opinion (he is pretty opinionated about many things) into other situations but he is always very respectful of my opinion and often calls himself out about how opinionated he is. He said he does want me to be happy wiht the ring and is supportive of me if I want to change it – but he also said it would hurt his feelings.
No matter what I end up with for the e-ring I do want to wear it on my left hand because of what it represents. That’s just it – I want to wear it with my band always (I just want to love the e-ring and want to show it off).
I have not really shown it off to others because I don’t like it :/
Post # 11
I don’t blame you! Not to be mean, but the style is rather awkward. I wouldn;t like it, either. I don’t understand why he didn’t just listen to you when you told him what you wanted and I understand even less why he would try to incorporate “his style” into your ring.
Get it reset. He’ll get over it!
Post # 13
Your ring is definitely not “simple” in my opinion. You deserve to love your ring no matter what.
Post # 14
@Haweewee: you have to suck it up. Really, you have to. This man is going to be your husband. While maybe he misinterpreted what you told him you wanted he did go out of his way to do something special. Talk about ring envy. I’m sure some of the bees whose SO had them pick out their own generic rings from a sales case would be quite envious of a lady like you.
Post # 15
@Haweewee: I totally understand. The odd shape and thick metal makes it less appealing. I say just hold onto it and choose a wedding band you LOVE and just wear that day to day.
Post # 16
@asbtoabs: Actually I think that what you described is a good thing. It shows that he gets what the engagement is about.
No, he didn’t get her exactly what he wanted, and he did try to incorporate what he liked, as he should have. He is buying the thing, and it’s being shown to everyone as the symbol of commitment that he gave her. Ideally it should reflect both of their tastes.