Post # 1
First post! I’ve been lurking for a while 🙂
To give some background, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years, living together just over 6 months. I’m 30 and he’s 27. We’ve had discussions about getting engaged in the not too distant future, although haven’t pinned down an exact timeline. However, he has told me that he does want kids by the time he’s 30, and definitely wants to be married before that, so that does give some kind of indication of his timescale. We’ve talked about it fairly frequently over the past few months, which has led me to believe that an engagement should happen with a year.
Now my dilemna – my grandmother is REALLY into diamonds, and has a very impressive collection, thanks to an amazing contact that she has, a diamond dealer and jeweller in Turkey. Everyone in my family always gets their diamonds from this guy, so I’ve always told my boyfriend that I would like my ring to come from him. I know for a fact that we’ll get a really great deal, and will save a lot of money compared to what we would have to pay in the UK. I tried on rings in Tiffany’s a few weeks ago to get an idea of what I liked (with bf’s knowledge), and I told him that I would let my grandmother know my preferences, so that when he’s ready to take action, he just needs to tell her and she’ll arrange it. The thing is, she’s going to Turkey this week, and has asked if we want her to bring a ring back with her this time. She only goes once a year at the most, so it’s going to be a while before the opportunity will come again. It’s logistically very difficult to have something sent over at a later date.
What do you think, is it too pushy to ask my bf if he wants her to bring a ring back this time? I don’t want him to think I’m being pushy and trying to take control. I’m very happy to wait until he’s ready to move forward, but it just seems silly to turn down this opportunity. The ring wouldn’t even have to be paid for until next March, and if he plans to take action within a year, it would make sense….Boyfriend or Best Friend is the type that won’t have given any thought to how long it would take to get a ring once he starts the process, and thinks he will get it within a week, when it would actually probably take months. Help!!
Post # 3
I think it’s very pushy. He hasn’t said he’s shopping for a ring yet, has he? You’re telling him where to buy, what to buy, when to buy… maybe you should let him make some decisions?
Post # 4
if you can do it CASUALLY and in an informative way, NOT a pushy way – just tell him about the conversation with your grandmother.
” I talked with grandma yesterday and she’s going to Turkey next week. She asked if you’d like her to take a look at diamond rings. If you would, here’s her ocntact information).
That’s it. Give him the info – let HIM make the decision.
Post # 5
It’s WAY pushy. The absolute most I would do would be to mention in passing that she’s going to Turkey in a week, and in a very casual way. Like “Oh, I need to stop by Grandmother’s before she leaves for Turkey”. If he’s ready, he’ll talk to her.
Post # 6
Tell him that she’s going to Turkey and make sure he has her phone number, leave it at that.
If not this trip, maybe th next one. He may also wish to do things differently from how you’re imagining.
Seems like an odd time to go to Turkey though, with all the protests going on.
Post # 7
Are your SO and grandmother close? If he knows that the ring will come from her eventually, it doesn’t seem unrealistic that he wouldn’t be offended/put off if he got a call from her asking if he was interested in her maybe making a purchase on this year’s annual trip?
Otherwise, I’d say the safest way to bring it up without being pushy is to just mention that she’s leaving within the week and that if he wants her to make any particular purchases then he should probably give her a call asap! It let’s him know what’s happening and gives him a oppurtunity to take action without forcing him to decide on the spot and announce his decision in front of you (maybe he still wants a semi-surprise element!) Write down your g’ma’s phone number and then go about your merry (hopefully married soon) life.
Post # 8
Thanks for all the helpful responses! It really helps to get another perspective. I KNOW it’s kind of pushy, so that’s why I haven’t just done it already, but there are mitigating circumstances, i.e. he has no idea about the logistics.
@Glasgowbound – I LOVE that approach, thanks.
@MariContrary – my Boyfriend or Best Friend is such a typical man there’s no way he would even register such a subtle hint 🙂 I need to be slightly more obvious with him to get the point across. Thanks for the input
@joya_aspera – thanks. The trip has been planned for a while and I don’t think this particular area is seeing any protest action.
@lalalyanne – thank you, I also really like that approach. Gives enough detail to spell out the situation but not enough to be pushy.
Post # 9
i think it’s a little pushy. he will get it when he’s ready.
Post # 12
@londonbee: If anything your aunt should give him a call or an email to let him know she’s going. It may be he’s planning some time in the next couple of months, in which case he’ll be saying “GLAD SHE TOLD ME!” If not, then your aunt is pushy, not you 😛
He may want it to be a surprise, and if you help him set it up, it won’t be a surprse. You could also just mention she’s going to Turkey, and say nothing about rings. I wouldn’t mention rings. My fiancée never did, and if she had, it would have annoyed the hell out of me. Especially since I was planning on getting it for 10 months before I could make it happen.
Post # 13
@londonbee: Also, keep in mind that he may not want to go through your Grandmother for the ring. He might have his own plans, for a variety of reasons. I know he’d get a good deal through her jeweler, but he might want to go through someone local.
Post # 14
Well, I was really stupidly nervous about bringing it up last night, but I did and it all worked out fine.
I just gave him my gma’s number and said that if he wanted her to look at anything, he should let her know. I also explained that logistically, it makes sense to take action while she’s there (although if he wasn’t ready that was also fine), and that later it would be more problematic. This was definitely news to him, so I’m happy I told him, and the info didn’t seem to be unwelcome, as he did express interest and asked me a few questions about it. As I had suspected, he hadn’t given the details any thought at all and he said he was glad I’d given him the info. He also confirmed that he definitely does want to go through my gma’s guy and hadn’t considered going any other way.
I’m really glad I did this as now he has all the info he needs and I can just forget about it and leave him to it. I won’t know either way and I’ll be surprised whenever it happens. Thanks everyone for the suggestions, they helped a lot.