(Closed) Ring Disappointment :(

posted 4 years ago in Rings
Post # 16
Member
1357 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t blame you. I’d be honored to receive my mil’s ring as a RHR but not for my engagement. Not unless I loved it and I had expressed that to my SO all along. You should love your ring, as you’re the one who’s going to wear it. And I agree, not even taking it off the wedding band, or cleaning it up is a bit strange. Just talk to him. Good luck!

Post # 17
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

reki275:  First of all, congrats on your engagement! What a joyous time!

In regards to the ring, be honest with him (not harsh, but honest). I don’t think you are being unreasonable or overly dramatic at all. You should love your ring – you will be looking at it everyday as a reflection of your relationship, you don’t want that tarnished (literally or figuratively) by a ring you aren’t happy with. Explain that while you love the sentiment the ring holds, you were hoping for something that was your own. You could use the stone(s) or metal for a new ring; or as another bee mentioned you could wear it on your right hand.

Sorry I don’t have any perfect advice, but good luck!

Post # 18
Member
998 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015 - City Hall!

he is close to his mother, and he gave you the ring that his mother and father used. i think that’s amazing. (divorce or not.)

Post # 19
Member
3492 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

I think maybe he saw it as giving you an heirloom or something along those lines. I would give it a little time and see if it grows on you, or if you can find a wedding band time like that would compliment it. If you really cannot tolerate then sit down and have a talk with him. He might be a little hurt (as might his mother as well) but ultimately you should be able to sit down and have an open discussion about it and move forward from there.

The fact that the ring has “divorce germs” wouldn’t bother me. 

Post # 20
Member
836 posts
Busy bee

reki275:  Its not hideous. I would wear its as a RHR, but definitely look into getting a new engagement ring? Maybe you two can design a new on together!

Post # 21
Member
1831 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I get why you’re disappointed. I think you guys need to talk it out rather than let it fester.

Post # 22
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Maybe he intends on getting you a ring later? When Darling Husband proposed to me, he proposed with his great grandmother’s ring (the ring happened to look like an old class ring). Fortunately for me the stone was loose and it was 4 sizes too big so I didn’t wear it. But he told me I could keep that one or get my own, that he had saved to buy me my own. And I told him I loved the gesture, but I just didn’t feel like it was me.  And then I got the rimg of my dreams. Don’t stress or build resentment. Maybe some patience will pay off and you’ll get your dream rind. 🙂

Post # 23
Member
641 posts
Busy bee

I would be upset at the lack of thought from him that seems to have gone into it. Maybe he really does have no idea and assumes that what everyone does?! I know to him it’s personal as its his mothers but he doesnt seem to have given it much thought especially as he had it for over a year and she was pushing for the marriage. 

I think you should explain to him why you are unahppy, tell him you love the fact it has a meaning to him, but you would also like to make it personal to you and him as a couple. Work together, incorporating features you both like, agree to a budget and offer to help out if he has a low budget. 

I think it;s important to have a ring you love and will wear with pride forever not looking at your hand thinking ‘ i wish this was different’ 

Post # 24
Member
2553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

reki275:  I could’ve wrote this post, I felt the same way when I got engaged.  DH told me he’d gone ring shopping once and when he told his mom he told him he could have one of the rings she had from his grandmothers (bear in mind he’s telling me this story 20 minutes after he proposed).  So he looked at them and “one looked really bad so I picked this one.”  So I felt super-special and just lovely about that.  He proceeded to brag to friends (in front of me) about how he didn’t have to pay anything for my ring.  It’s been almost 3 years since he proposed and we’ve been married a year and a half, and I’d like to say it doesn’t bother me but it still kind of does everytime a friend gets engaged with a ring she loves and I have this ring I kind of hate sitting there.  So I advocate for voicing your feelings now, I wish I had.

Best of luck!!

Post # 25
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Honestly,  I think that ring coming from a divorce has bad MOJO and needs to be gotten rid of. :/

Post # 26
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

My sister got engaged this way,  but in no way was that her wedding ring. She still picked out her forever wedding ring. My brother in laws mom’s ring was just for purposes of engagement!

Post # 27
Member
536 posts
Busy bee

reki275:  If you are unhappy with the ring because it lacks the sentiment you wanted or you don’t like the style, just be honest with him. 

FWIW (regarding other comments) I don’t think the ring has bad vibes or bad juju because his parents are divorced. By that logic, your fiance is a product of that union…does that mean he’s tainted? I think not! He’s the man you want to marry!!

Post # 28
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

I am all for heiloom rings–if given with true sentiment behind it. This seems to have neither.  I have to be honest and say you are letting him off easy since he didn’t even take the time to have it properly restored.  I would not want to wear a ring from a broken marriage that has been stuck in a drawer for over a year.  I think you should talk to him and get your own new ring to symbolize the start of your lives together as a married couple.

Post # 29
Member
5224 posts
Bee Keeper

reki275:  I think you should reset the stone into a setting that is all your own. Then, you still have the stone he gave you that is sentimental to him because it belonged to his Mother, while still having a ring that is new.

I wouldn’t read too much into the fact his parents are divorced. It’s still the ring his Dad gave to his Mom. It’s annoying he didn’t think to get it cleaned and buffed, but he probably didn’t know to do those things. Some people are obtuse about those kind of details. It’s more a reflection of his feelings about jewelry, not his feelings about you. My husband would have done the same thing.

Post # 30
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee

you’re the one who has to wear it. Personally i would hate to have to wear my Boyfriend or Best Friend mother’s ring. I don’t like her much and i also find the whole divorce ring part off (his parents are also divorced). There are going to be people who tell you to be happy with what you got but fuck them, this is going to be on your hand forever, that’s a long time to be disappointed.

My advice would be to be honest; say you’re not comfortable wearing it as your engagement ring and tell him that you’d like to buy something else that you both like, that feels more like a collaboration, just like your relationship. That’s what i would be doing.

Good luck, Bee

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