Post # 1
I went to bookclub last night. I need to preface that I am the youngest and only single member of bookclub at 32. It was the first meeting I went to with my ring. My ring became a topic of conversation. Specifically, the color, clarity, carat, and material.
I was shocked. No one has been so bold to ask those questions, which are incredibly personal. Even my close friends have not asked. I would never reveal that to them let alone a group of women. Because they are older I felt even more taken aback. They should know better.
I denied any knowledge, which is a lie, because I did not want to answer the questions. I love my ring. i’m proud of it. Thankfully they over estimated on all parts but it made me uncomfortable. The worst thing is that not only did I orally lie I lied by admission by not correcting them.
I need a polite way to deflect speculation in the future.
Post # 3
I think denying knowledge is probably the best route to take. If you say anything about how you don’t want to talk about it, its just going to come off as you being rude (ironic, I know :)).
Post # 4
Yeah, just say you don’t know. Gush a little about how much you love it and then quickly change the subject.
Post # 5
Is it possible that, in some weird way, they were trying to be friendly and supportive and show interest?
Post # 6
Yeah, that’s awkward. One of my grad school classmates, who is engaged, asked me directly while discussing our impending engagement “Do you know how big it’s going to be?”
So inappropriate. I just laughed and said I didn’t know (even though I did).
Post # 7
I don’t think those questions are incredibly personal at all. They’re not common – but not personal (if they asked how much you paid, that would be a different story!!).
They probably knew just looking at it a range of carat, etc…it’s not THAT big of a secret after all. I think it’s like asking the make/model/year of a car….you get a gist by just looking at it, but it’s a topic of conversation among someone seeing your new car for the first time.
If it makes you uncomfortable (understandably), just laugh and change the subject. But I would not get too worked up about it or judge them. NBD.
Post # 8
I had something like that happen to me. People are weird. They should just say “the ring is beautiful” and leave it at that.
Someone asked my fiance if he paid cash for my ring. Inappropriate!
Post # 9
I think playing dumb is the best tactic I think. I think that you did the right thing 🙂 I would never think to ask anyone that!
Post # 10
I agree…those questions are very personal and borderline rude. It also shows a bit about the asker. I was in that situation once and the person was older as well! She asked me what size it was and because I was so caught off guard AND because I am a bad fibber I told her the truth. I didn’t mind because I was proud of my ring (the fiance did a great job) but I was very uncomfortable. Next time I plan to say it: finance picked out the ring by himself and I am not privy to the details…and then just smile OR if I want to be a little more, uh, passive aggressive, I might say hmmm, I think the ring is just perfect, don’t you? Then just smile. That turns the “uncomfortableness” of the conversation off of you and right back onto them. Let them fumble for the words. I think you handled it perfectly By The Way.
Post # 11
This happened to me recently with my grandmother, actually. Surprising how it’s the older generations who asks questions like that, isn’t it.
My grandmother hadn’t really seen my ring yet, and she looked at it and told me it was very pretty, and then asked me how big the diamond was. When I told her it was between 1/2 and 3/4 carat (because that usually makes more sense to people than saying .64 carat) she was like “Really? It looks like it’s at least 1 ct…. It’s at least as big as my diamond and mine is 1 ct.”
So at least little old ladies think I have a bigger ring than I do? Haha
In reality, though, I think that older women (my grandmother, in particular) often grew up in a time when the men were the main breadwinners, and their own worth was based on how good a man (and with it, how good a ring) they could snag. Sad, but true.
Post # 12
I’m with the bees that say (feigned) ignorance is bliss. Just tell them you don’t know and then supply them with something about your ring you DO know to help deflect them–like, “it’s an heirloom” or “it’s modelled after rings that were popular in the 1920s” or “he proposed to me at dinner!” That’ll help move the conversation along. Some people really want to convey that they honor your engagement and want to talk about the ring; they’re just not savvy when it comes to HOW to do that, so some might default to the ol’ 4cs.
Post # 13
How are those questions personal??
Post # 14
@jeffiner: I don’t find it personal at all. I think people normally ask carat size and share that information. Cut, color and claity are not usually asked though. That could be a little invasive.