Post # 1
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
This week is all about rings for me… What do you say to someone if they show you their ering but you really, really don’t like?
My sister in law recently got engaged and let’s just say her ring is… unique. I’ve only seen pictures so far but I’m dreading seeing her in person because I’m terrible at hiding my emotions and I don’t want to hurt her feelings. I’m obviously not going to say that I hate it, but I’m also very bad at lying and if I pretend to be excited, she will quickly be able to see that I don’t mean what I say. I’ve been thinking of things I can genuinely say such as: it is simple and suits her lifestyle, it is her birthstone which is thoughtful on her fiancé’s part and blue looks good on her. But that feels unnatural as well.
What would you do? Just do your best to pretend it’s gorgeous?
Post # 2
Member
1045 posts
Bumble bee
Say the things you listed above with genuine enthusiasm. Oh I just love the simplicity and uniqueness of the blue! It really suits you! Practice saying it in the car if you need to.
Post # 3
Member
526 posts
Busy bee
theweddingunplanner : just let her talk. She’s likely excited. “Congratulations, so beautiful!” Can segue quickly into “how did you feel/ tell me all the details/ so excited for you/ so happy for you”
it’s not about the ring, it’s about the love. The energy. The excitement, Hope, happiness, and joy that’s shes sharing when she shows you the ring.
Just know you’re stepping in under her sparkly, shiny new veil of wonder around it all, and do your very best to connect heart to heart, or at least listen.
The magic fades soon enough when people bring a lot of crap to it- I guarantee you she’ll be so grateful just for an “oh my gosh, congratulations!” I sure am, as it’s rare that other people can genuinely take a moment to share in our happiness ❤️ When they do, it’s really lovely.
Post # 4
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
Take the excellent advice from
ahsoka : and focus on the engagement. The good new is that you don’t have to like the ring – it’s here to wear – and you can still share in the excitement of the engagement and coming wedding.
Post # 5
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
My go to is alaways, “*grab their hand, pull them toward you in joy*. *pause to glance at the ring* Oh, Jessica! Look at that! Oh I bet you are just in love with it! Oh, sweetie, congratulations! I am so happy for you!! When is the wedding? (Or other topic)”
I do this whether I like a ring immensely or think it is terrible, because really ring preference and style is all personal taste and personal budget. Focus on celebrating her joy, her feelings about her ring, and your happiness over the engagement. Those are all authentic emotions
Post # 6
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
You don’t need to like her ring, you aren’t wearing it. You don’t have to focus on her ring, just gush about how happy you are for her.
Post # 7
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
Thank you everyone for your great advice! I especially like what
notmeeither : suggested. To make things clear: of course I’m very happy for her and what I think of the ring has absolutely no importance. I just don’t want to accidentally upset her because we are all very sensitive about our erings, especially at the beginning. But saying “look at this, you must be in love with it, how exciting” is not lying so it will be easier to manage for me
Post # 8
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
theweddingunplanner : You might not even need to comment on it at all. When I got engaged my first inclination was not to shove my hand in people’s faces and say “LOOK AT MY RING! TELL ME YOU LIKE IT!” Instead it was more of an excited conversation about how we were engaged, when it was happening, etc etc. If the person I was talking to asked the see the ring more closely then we would move on to ring talk, but that wasn’t the most important part! As PP have said, keep it about the excitement of the engagement itself and if the moment shifts attention to the ring just share some of your positive honest thoughts as enthusiastically and kindly as you can. (What a beautiful unique color, how thoughtful of him to choose a stone he knew she loved, etc)
Post # 9
Member
1151 posts
Bumble bee
I would focus on her engagement, give her a big hug and say congratulations (which you will show genuine excitement for). If someone else comment on the ring you can simply nod and smile. I never act excited about people’s engagement rings even if I do think it looks nice. And it’s not like they’re shoving their hands in my face waiting for a comment.
Post # 10
Member
914 posts
Busy bee
theweddingunplanner : channel it all to the actual engagement and be enthusiastic about that. Just take her hand to acknowledge the ring and maybe give her a hug and say congratulations. If the focus does turn to the ring mention the fact that the stone is her birthstone and how thoughtful that was.
Post # 11
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
Lol I just really appreciated this thread today. I just heard what my SIL is planning on naming her twin girls and I had to reeeeally keep a straight face and quickly think of something honest but also loving and supportive to say! At least you have some prep time. I think PPs have offered lots of very good suggestions!
Post # 13
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
If she ask, I would say- Congratulations! Nice ring and it’s your birthstone! That is really great!
That’s it. What more does she have to hear? If she says something else or asks, tell her- As long as you are happy with the ring and he loves you, that’s all that matters. Leave it like that and maybe find an excuse to walk away so she doesn’t have to extend the conversation about her ring.
Post # 14
Member
7529 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Call me crazy but I don’t see the big deal? Life is full of times where you might not like something but the appropriate response is to smile and say something nice. A simple “Congratulations, it looks just like you” will do.
I get it, I don’t have a great poker face – it’s a running joke with my friends. That being said it’s mostly when I am taken by surprise and even then I hide it. You know the ring isn’t something you like, so it shouldn’t come as some surprise to come up with something nice to say.
Post # 15
Member
2724 posts
Sugar bee
theweddingunplanner : you don’t need to say anything about the ring. You can just say I’m so excited for you. That’s not s lie so it should come out just fine. Her ring has nothing to do with you so you do not need to like or appreciate it.