(Closed) Ring etiquette: I'm very bad at lying and don't like her ring.

posted 2 years ago in Rings
Post # 16
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2020 - Round Rock, TX

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theweddingunplanner :  “how lucky that you already have your ‘something blue!’” ☺️

Post # 17
Member
419 posts
Helper bee

Don’t ask to see it for one. Because at the end of the day the ring isn’t relevant anyways. If she shows it to you without asking… say you are excited for her. Easy as that. 

Post # 18
Member
13885 posts
Honey Beekeeper

You can’t look at a ring on someone’s finger and say “how beautiful?” Don’t interpret the meaning so narrowly. Engagement rings represent love and commitment. By definition that’s beautiful. There is no need to be so literal at the expense of someone’s feelings or to think of all kind of clever ways not to say it.

Post # 19
Member
1615 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

If you’ve already seen pictures and congratulated her via phone, then just give her a hug and tell her congrats again in person. Then segue into wedding plan discussions. No need to comment on the stone. 

Post # 20
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020

My guess is you probably won’t need to say anything about the ring. Focus on your excitment about the engagement.  

Post # 21
Member
2369 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

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weddingmaven :  Yes you are so right. The OP should look at it and say “how beautiful!” but what she is really talking about is the new marriage-to-be, and not the ring. 

To OP: I am a lousy liar too, but even I can manage to smile and gush if I want to. Practice in the mirror if you are so sure your face is an open book. 

Post # 23
Member
526 posts
Busy bee

I just need to add a big HUGE warning: if she says anything like “I’m not sure I love it,” do noooooot jump in with how you don’t like it either. The temptation would be huge, the relief would be huge,

 but people keep the rings they were engaged with, the ring develops magic and sometimes they learn to love them over time- and your agreement would always be there between you. 

Post # 24
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee

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theweddingunplanner :  I think it may be useful to practice feigning your approval of the ring. I’m sure it’d really hurt her feelings if you gave any indication that you think it’s not pretty. It’s really just a 10 second interaction and you’ll never have to talk about it again—I think you can do it!

Post # 25
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee

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theweddingunplanner :  I understand having a terrible poker face, I’m similar. But girl- you have a heads up! You already know what the ring looks like!!! I don’t see how you can’t cover up your facial expressions when it won’t be the first time or anything like that. It’s like you’re fishing for a reason to be able to tell her you don’t like her ring. If a lie is going to spare her feelings, it’s not a bad thing. “Oh how lovely!” And move on. I am not a fan of halo rings at all. I still manage to say “he did great!” Or something like that. I don’t gasp and be all dramatic and say “omg why not a solitaire???” 

Post # 26
Member
289 posts
Helper bee

Not your monkey, not your circus. Not your ring, not your problem. Why involve your negativity in her excitement. Congratulate her, ask her about wedding plans and leave the ring talk for later. The ring is a symbol of love, so long as she loves it, who cares what anyone else thinks about it. If she asks your opinion then you could say it’s pretty, a thoughtful choice and suits her well. You could mention it’s not your style, but why be rude, just say that part in your own head. 

Post # 27
Member
2234 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise

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theweddingunplanner :  I am TERRIBLE at faking excitement over things. TERRIBLE. I figured out a long time ago people can sense an insincere compliment a mile away so, I just make sure to say things I genuinely believe with as much conviction as I can. 

Find elements of the ring you DO like. Even if you aren’t a fan of it as a whole, you can zero in on parts of it. Like:

“Your FH was so thoughtful to use your birthstone! That’s not something you see every day! It makes it that much more special.”

“Blue is such a great color for you.”

“I am so happy you love it”

“The setting/design is so distinctive; it’s very striking”

Etc etc etc

Look at the photo. Find the parts you can GENUINELY say you like. Tell her those things, then ask her questions about it. It will keep the focus on her without making her feel like you’re avoiding the subject or refusing to tell her what you think. Be enthusiastic and agree with anything she says that you DO agree with. 

And as PP said, if she expresses doubt, just ask her to say more, DON’T agree with her or criticize it yourself. If she warms up to it, all she’ll remember is that you didn’t like it. 

Focus on the things you can compliment, echo her excitement. It’ll be fine. 

Post # 28
Member
719 posts
Busy bee

I just can’t imagine caring that much about disliking someone else’s ring. SURE- I have thought about how much I dislike someone’s before or how I would never wear it, but I always find something nice to say. I think you’re way overanalyzing and frankly, being a bit selfishin that you’re focused on your own feelings. I know you’re happy for her, but there seems to be something more going on here. Just my opinion/feeling.

Post # 30
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

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theweddingunplanner :  because I don’t like lying to the people I love. 

I never understand things like this, it’s like the “i’m honest” euphemism for being a bit of an ass.  Do you prefer to tell her you hate her the ring that represents the commitment between her and her fiance? That you literally hate it so much that you can’t think of a single nice thing on your own without other people spoon feeding you phrases to learn? 

I’m really struggling to see how you think a simple “oh wow it’s gorgeous, you look so happy” is such a terrible lie to you? Who gives a shit if you don’t like it, it isn’t your ring and you know damn rightly how to be polite about it. 

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