(Closed) Ring etiquette

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I personally would try to find something cheaper that Fiance was comfortable purchasing but the specific financial situation would impact my decision too. You say he has the money, maybe he is saving for something else? A house, the wedding, etc.

Post # 4
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

It depends on what your Fiance would think. If you think he’d be open to the idea, ask him and phrase like it’s a team purchase. You’re going to be married, and your finances combined so really it IS  a joint purchase. 

However, some guys might feel emasculated by their Fiance offering to pick up the cost of the ring. Even if they can afford it, he may just feel really lame that he’s not giving you what you want.


Post # 5
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

take the design and check other places they might be able to make the ring for less and also still keep you ming open you might find something you really like and might be less

Post # 6
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

It’s totally up to the two of you! I’ve known women who have helped pay for their rings, one of whom said “I’m going to be helping to pay it off once we’re married, anyway, so why not”? I offered to help pay off the engagement ring my fi–I mean my husband!–picked out, although he declined my offer. Now that we’re married, of course, it’s our debt so I’m helping him pay it off anyway. 🙂 If it’s what you want, I’d talk to him.

If the cost is his issue, I believe you can check out individual stone prices at http://www.bluenile.com. Maybe that’ll help show him it’s not such an unreasonable price after all? Or maybe you’ll even find a better deal! I belive that http://www.since1916.com has individual stones, too, and both sites are reliable.

Post # 7
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

It really depends on the couple… I personally wouldn’t push the issue with my boy. But that said, if I found a setting that I truly loved, I would find a jeweller or wholesaler to work with to recreate the setting in the budget I have.

Have you two talked about what he feels comfortable spending?

Post # 8
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

It totally depends on your financial situation and what you’re both comfortable with. My Fiance bought my E ring and I am paying for my wedding bands and his too. When we first got engaged we were both students and just as poor as each other – my ring is a tax return ring (YAY for tax returns!) and I love it! Anyway, in the two years since I’ve graduated and am working full time making pretty good money. The fella is still studying and is working about 1.5 days a week. I make significantly more mulah than him at the moment so if we wanted rings I was paying for them! I don’t have a problem with it and I think the fella is cool with it too – I know he’d have liked to have got them but it’s just not doable.

Frankly, I think if you want the rings and you’re happy to buy the centre stone yourself DO IT! You’re gonna have this on your hand for the rest of your life so you might as well be happy. And if it’s any consolation I just paid to have the centre stone in my Engagement Ring upgraded to a clearer stone. Obviously you’re gonna have to see how your guy feels about it but mine was cool with the whole thing so I did it myself! Hopefully your fella won’t mind and you’ll both be happy!

Post # 9
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@jjwedding: that’s true, another place may have the same ring at a more reasonable price.

I think it’s entirely up to you two.  How does the setting and band (without center stone) compare to his overall budget?

I do agree having a nice setting is the most important thing. You can always upgrade/change the center stone. You could even get a CZ or gemstone center stone and then upgrade later.  If he feels uncomfortable with you buying the center stone, when you’re married you’ll have joint finances so the upgrade would be a joint purchase. That way you can help pay for the center stone without him feeling like you “bought” the engagement ring.

Or if he’s OK with you buying the center stone than I say go for it! Etiquette has changed with the times. We don’t “have” to get married anymore in order to be together, it’s a choice. That can make it a little more complicated, but on the bright side it means that you can create exactly what you want for your relationship. You make your own rules.

Oh. And post pics of the setting if you have them, so we can all drool 🙂

Post # 10
47 posts
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with most of what’s been said so far.  I think the most crucial element is the dynamic between you two in your relationship.  Sometimes it can come across as emasculating if you pay for something “traditionally” purchased by the hubby-to-be.  Personally, I don’t think there’s any issue you putting up the money for the center stone.  I think it’s a good compromise (marriage buzzword!).  Definitely post some pictures, I agree DreamingBee!!

Post # 11
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I helped my SO with the downpayment on my ring. I happened to have a large amount of money in savings at the time, and he was okay with borrowing it. He paid it back already in the form of a trip to Las Vegas. So, it worked out fine for us. If your SO is okay with it, then I say go for it.

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