Post # 1
So BF and I are still months off from getting engaged (he’d marry me right now if I let him, but I told him we have to be dating a year before I let him propose) but in any case we’re seriously talking about all of this stuff now and I’m giddy with excitement to send the rest of my life with him. In any case we were talking last night about how before we get engaged we will need to have a bunch of talks about things but its probably too soon to really talk about them. He of course asked “like what?” and so I said, well, talking about engagement rings for one. A ring means a lot to me, in terms of the commitment it represents and such and I also have expensive taste so I told him that I’d want to pay for part of my ring. He said “why so you can have something flashy and expensive?” and I said, well I want to get something I really enjoy and I make more money than him. In any case, long story short I think I made him a bit uncomfortable in that convo. I know what ring I have my heart set on (of course I have never tried it on in person) — the Kirk Kara Amelia (below is someone else’s personal picture from google images). He may have an heirloom stone we can use so it would just be the setting, but that’s still over $3500 at least even without the center stone. I figure, I may be paying that much for a dress…that I’ll wear once…whereas I’ll have the ring on my hand forever hopefully! So why shouldn’t I spend money on the ring?
Anyways, I let the topic drop because I knew he was uncomfortable, but eventually I do want to go ring shopping with him and actually try on this ring to confirm my love for it, but I don’t know how to suggest that without making him truly uncomfortable.
So, how much of this did you talk over with your BF before you got engaged?
Post # 3
I voted, he knew what I wanted and got it, but it was really somewhere in between he knew what I wanted and got it for me and its up to him. He knew I love jewelery and the bigger the better, but ultimately it was up to him to set a reasonable budget.
Post # 4
We went ring shopping together and ultimately ended up having my ring designed and made by a private jeweller. He was there throughout the whole wax casting process, so it definitely was exactly what I wanted! He also originally set a budget of around 5k, but what I wanted ended up being just under 3k. So, good for him, haha!
Post # 5
He was pretty open about it and said he never wanted to get something without my input. We both have very particular tastes and we wanted to find something that encapuslated those tastes. Really, there’s no reason for him to waste a single penny on something I don’t love – and that’s a sentiment we both share. I’d rather not have a ring than wear something he had to waste money on just to fulfill some symbol requirement. He gave me a $ figure to work around and after months and months of searching we’ve finally found/are making something that’s perfect in price and design. Should be finished sometime this month. 🙂
EDIT: He originally agreed to let me pay for anything that went over the budget. When it came time to swipe credit cards he kicked me out and told me he only agreed to that to shut me up. 🙂 His loss. I was prepared to pay. (Shrugs shoulders)
Post # 6
I have joked with my Fiance from the beginning that I am expensive. When it came to rings he naturally expected to spend a bit and once we started shopping he realized the estimated cost of what I wanted. He never judged or discouraged me on what I wanted because he knew that I was willing to wait to get it and ended up getting a bigger diamond that I had originally chosen.
To be honest $3,500 is pretty reasonable for an e-ring so I don’t think you are asking for something out of this world. If you are willing to wait for him to save (and you if you are contributing) then I can’t see any reason for discomfort other than he maybe wants to be the only one to contribute towards the ring.
Post # 7
Basically, we picked it together. Also, if what I had wanted was out of his budget, I would have had no problem helping pay for it.
Post # 8
My fiance and I first set a loose budget. We then started looking at rings and realized that the budget was too low for what **we both** wanted. 😉
My fiance gets SO UNCOMFTABLE around expensive things.. to the point where I can’t bring him in Neimans or Saks because he flips out. But I think constantly looking at rings made him less sensitive while ring shopping. He ended up getting me the ring he previously described as “gaudy” because I loved it and that made him love it!
Is $3,500 too much money for him to save up for?? Maybe you can pay for a few more meals here and there so he can save more money (and ego).
Post # 9
Btw – you said $3,500 without the stone, correct? What would it be in case he doesn’t have the heirloom one? Like, significantly more?
Post # 10
I knew what he could afford & went from there. We went shopping together, also.
Post # 11
I told him that blood diamonds are near dear issue to me, and I wanted him to do his homework on the history of the diamond and ensure it’s non conflict. After that I crossed my fingers… he’s traditional and knew I’m not into fads that are halo’s and 3 stone rings. Whew! But if I got one, I’d wear the hell out of it, proudly.
Post # 12
His mom asked me what I thought of “going shopping with the guy for e-rings”. I said I want a complete surprise. So it’s entirely up to him. (Fingers crossed)
Post # 13
We went ring shopping and narrowed it down to a few choices that I really liked. He ended up picking one and surprising me with it.
Post # 14
I told my Fiance exactly what I wanted, but he hated it. I showed him countless rings and he wouldn’t want to look at them. He’d glance at it and that would be about it. He wanted to pick out a ring for me himself something he thought I would like. He knew what would be considered to small for me in terms of a centerstone and that may have been the only info he accepted from me. In the end he exceeded my expectations with a gorgeous unique ring that I am thrilled to have.
Knowing my Fiance he would have been offended had I offered to contribute to my ring. For one, he would see it as what he can offer isn’t good enough for me. Or, I was only interested in the size of the engagement ring and not the marriage part of it all. Not saying this is how you or your bf are, just saying this is how my Fiance would feel about it.
Post # 15
We went shopping together, since I have very particular taste (and needs) when it comes to my rings. He had a budget, but it was far more than I was actually comfortable with.
Post # 16
I’ve sent him a ton of inspirational images and we also tried on vintage rings at an antique fair. Ultimately though, I want to be surprised. I have no idea which one he will pick! Or when he plans to buy one. Although he has told me it will be before May 2012. 🙂