(Closed) Ring guilt.

posted 8 years ago in Rings
Post # 17
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think it’s ridiculous to ask anyone to pay a crazy amount of money for a ring unless money is not an issue. And there is something wrong in attaching materialism to love. In my situation it felt wrong to ask my then boyfriend to spend a huge amount of money on an expensive ring, even though, theoretically, he could afford it. We had been together for many years and planned to move out of our apartment, so there were better ways to spend that money, like on a downpayment for our future home. The “effort” that other bees talk about I see everyday in how he cares about our relationship, our home and our future. Not in how much money he paid for the ring! Please…so when I knew he was ready fo propose, I felt bad to ask him to spend his hard earned money on a piece of jewelry just because it’s what is expected in this country. I have friends in Europe who don’t expect any e-rings and wear a simple gold wedding band. But I wanted a ring of some kind just for fun, didnt care about getting a diamond. I had specific preferences for the look of my ring. I realized I don’t care about the look of a clear rock, diamond or not, and i wanted a particular type of gold. And I wanted a colorful rock. We searched for my ring together to see what I like, and i liked this one ring with stones the shade of blue that i loved, which we found out were blue diamonds. He special ordered it to change the band. The ring cost less than a $1000, I didn’t feel guilty, it’s gorgeous and no one has one quite like it. When my man becomes a millionaire, he can buy me expensive emeralds and sapphires, I won’t feel guilty 🙂

Post # 18
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Girl, I felt the same way. I compromised with a smaller stone. And my fiance being the way he is, he wanted the best diamond, not size over quality. He hated the idea of buying a diamond because of the whole diamond company & engagement scam, blah blah.

You can either set yourself up for financing or compromise on what you want. BUT!! Don’t say you will compromise if you really don’t mean it. Your ring is for a lifetime and you do not want to regret it. Some people will get an understated ring and agree to upgrade it later on.

As for me, my fiance got me what I wanted and it was to his standards!! It worked out for both of us. So… compromise but maybe it’ll work out. Watch the diamond prices (if that’s what you want), as they fluxuate constantly. And maybe look at different settings which can lower the price too. Save up money, less shopping, less eating out… it makes a difference. =D

Post # 19
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I know what you mean….I knew what I liked in my head, but when we went ring shopping it was a HUGE awakening for me.  Yes, I wanted a nice ring, but I was not ok with the dude spending that much on me.  And, I knew it would take awhile to get saved for a ring. 

So, I brought it up and we agreed to investigate options that we both felt comfortable with.  I think I even started the conversation with “I think I”ve changed my mind about this whole ring idea”.  LOL. 

Post # 20
Member
2776 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@LilySarah:  

He’s willing to get you the ring you want and you deep down want a ring.  Don’t lie and say you don’t want one or would take a ring pop, you’ll end up back here with a new post saying how you regretted telling him that.

You can however go out there and research how to get what you want for less.  It sounds like you want a diamond ring, are you willing to explore, ebay, pawn shops, estate sales, etc.

You could also buy the setting and the diamond separately and that could save you money.  Ebay has really nice semi mounts that you could buy and then you could go somewhere like Blue Nile to find the diamond and have a local jeweler set them.

You could get the nice ring you want for a fraction of the price.  Also how much do your care about the 4 C’s?  If you don’t mind taking one that is less in clarity (but still beautiful) that will save him a great deal too.  

What metal you set it in and whether you get a plain band or one with diamonds would affect price.  Don’t feel guilty if that’s what you want but you can go out there and pick options that you know are affordable for him but still what you want.  

My Fiance doesn’t make a whole ton either but he was still able to get me a beautiful ring without going broke.  Getting a diamond ring doesn’t necessarily mean that you will be eating Ramen or he will be out on the street because he can no longer pay his mortgage.  Also there is always the option of contributing money to help get the ring that you want.

Explore your options and come up with a happy medium so that you can still get what you want but you don’t have to feel guilty about it.

Post # 21
Member
2346 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Sounds like u r mainly worried about guilt and not whether u really want the expensive ring or not. U may not get a straight answer to ur post since there’s a very wide separation between peeps who say to let him spend every penny and those who say that an expensive ring is a waste of money. if ur worried about feeling guilty cuz u know he is probably going to get the expensive one regardless, I say DONT feel guilty at all. u already stated u know its no reflection on ur relationship or anything like that. So just enjoy ur gorgeous ring!

Post # 22
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee

You have to wear this ring EVERY DAY for the rest of your life! Why on earth would you want something cheap or something you don’t like?? It is worth the investment, I promise. You don’t need to go mad with budget, but you know what is reasonable. Talk to him about it – he may feel more relaxed knowing what you expect – he may have thought you wanted a 10-000 ring.

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