Post # 1
Long time lurker, first time poster here. Sorry it will be a bit long winded, but I am very confused about what to do.
I got engaged recently and am super happy, but something has been bugging me… yes, the ring. Before we got engaged I showed my Fiance the styles I liked (low profile, solitare, thin band). So I love my ring style and size he got for me, but quality wise it is not what I had hoped for: it’s SI1 and cut/symmetry very good, polish is good. I can’t see any visible inclusions but the stone faces up slightly cloudy. It’s also white gold, and even though I previously told him it’s fine, now I have my heart set on a wedding band that’s platinum, so the color would be mismatched if I keep a white gold setting.
I didn’t mention it to Fiance, but I decided to look into upgrading (paying for the difference out of my own pocket). I researched Blue Nile for loose stones with better clarity and cut and then went to the jewelry store (which is kinda high end) where the ring was purchased. Basically the sales person tried to talk me out of upgrading the stone saying she regularly talks people out of VVS1 (the clarity that I want). She cleaned the ring, which actually helped to take away some of the cloudiness, and we looked together at some stones with better clarity. Honestly, visually they are similar to mine, I could not tell a visible difference (to a naked eye, without a loupe). I compared them only under the store lights, not in daylight though. I noticed that loose stones she showed me are way more expensive than Blue Nile’s stuff. The store policy is that within 60 days they would make any changes and apply the cost of the original ring towards the new one. If I were to make any upgrades I would probably not tell my Fiance to avoid hurting his feelings.
Looking back I really wish I had more say about selecting the ring, but my Fiance is very traditional. I should add that I am established career wise, have no debt and could definitely afford an upgrade. I am just torn about what to do – this specific store obviously has a not-so-small mark up which I will be paying on a better diamond. Alternatively, I could just get a better loose stone from some place like Blue Nile and have this store set it in a platinum setting and get store credit (hopefully) for the original stone, towards some other purchase. In either case I would have the same size and setting style. What would you do, Bees?
PS: If you come from the school of thought that says it’s inappropriate or ungrateful to upgrade before getting married or some big anniversary – I definitely don’t believe in that. Where I am from it’s a non-issue as long as I am the one who foots the bill for my own fancier tastes.
Post # 3
I definitely don’t think you should do this without telling your fiance. If you tell him you want an upgrade, then yes, his feelings may be hurt. But if you do an upgrade without telling him, and then he finds out, then you’re the girl that didn’t like her ring AND lied to him about it, AND went behind his back to get something else.
Won’t he know you’ve upgraded when you start looking at platinum bands and they match your ring perfectly? Won’t he recognize that it’s not the ring he bought you?
I can understand that you want an upgrade, but sneaking around behind his back is not the correct way to go about this.
Post # 4
Why do you want to upgrade if you can’t tell the difference between your stone and higher quality stones? I guess it’s up to your personal preference, but I don’t really understand why you think upgrading would change your ring’s appearance when you said the stones all looked the same at the jewelry store.
As far as the metal, I think it is important for wedding band and e-ring to match, so maybe you can look for a similar setting that’s in platinum.
Post # 5
Well, my thinking is that this is the best he could do, and/or considered necessary to do. Instead of hurting him or nagging for more, I can just fix the issue myself. I am planning on buying my own wedding band regardless of whether I change the E ring or not. Because of this I don’t think the platinum part of it is going to come up with him. He is your typical guy, unlikely to tell one shiny white metal from another. And I am the person who has to wear the cloudy ring every day for the rest of my life. It matters to me, but not so much to him…
Post # 6
I looked only in store lights that can make a shattered beer bottle sparkle. Obviously I coudn’t ask to go outside with a couple of their loose diamonds. I could also go higher to IF which will definitely look better than SI1.
Post # 7
“ If you come from the school of thought that says it’s inappropriate or ungrateful to upgrade before getting married or some big anniversary – I definitely don’t believe in that. Where I am from it’s a non-issue as long as I am the one who foots the bill for my own fancier tastes.”
What is the dilemna? Are you concerned about the price difference? I am unclear as to what exactly you unsure about?
Post # 8
@annabelle_lee: If you’re going to pay a lot of money for a new diamond, I just think you should be sure of what to expect. There’s no harm in asking the shop to let you look at a couple under different light. One of the associates could just go out with you for a few minutes so you can see it. You should also double check the store policy about returning the diamond if you decide to purchase from a different shop (like BlueNile), since they may only allow you to exchange the diamond for a more expensive one.
I have nothing against upgrades (my ring is upgraded and I love it), but I think it’s a red flag that you want to do all this without talking to your Fiance. You guys are getting married, you should be able to talk about sensitive issues like this. It may not be a pleasant conversation, but he should be in the loop and open to understanding your concerns. Marriage is about compromise, so you two should be able to find a satisfactory solution about the ring.
Post # 9
If you would like to upgrade your ring to fit your personal preferences that is fine, but don’t do it behind your fiance’s back.
Post # 10
I think it’s fine to upgrade your ring, especially if you are paying the difference, but I don’t think it’s okay to do it without telling him, even if you don’t think he would notice (so that’s why I selected other)
Post # 11
If you upgrade and change out the stone and your DH finds out, his trust in you will be gone. I am absolutely a believer in having the ring you want. However, not at the expense of trust in a relationship. Talk to your Fiance, tell him your issues with the diamond and the setting. Explain that you LOVE the sentiment behind the ring but that the practical side in you wants to get THE best diamond for the dollar and that you want platinum to match the wedding band.
I would return the ring WITH your Fiance, get the diamond you want from Blue Nile WITH your Fiance, and use the store credit for a wedding band, maybne earrings or mothers’ gifts for the wedding.
Post # 12
I agree in that there is nothing wrong with changing/upgrading to something you’re happy with, but absolutely do not do it behind your fiance’s back. It’s really disrespectful and you might be surprised with how much he notices. If you do go ahead an upgrade, I would order a loose stone online as brick & mortar stores are much more expensive, and have your local store set it for you, or order the whole thing from an online vendor. Also, the sales person was most likely correct in steering you away from VVS1, it’s not worth the money for that clarity in my opinion. Stones are usually eye clean down to VS2, and often SI1’s, there really is no need to go into the VVS1’s unless you’re set on it. Let us know what you decide!
ETA: I would actually not focus on the clarity and focus on the cut instead. If you’re looking for sparkle – focus on cut. Don’t go for very good/good (unless it’s a fancy cut) but if it’s a round, go for Ideal/excellent for the best performance.
Post # 13
Like other folks have been saying, it’s your ring, and you have to be happy with it. But definitely talk it over with your fiance, because it’d be a bit awkward coming up with an excuse for why the ring is missing for x number of days the ring is being upgraded.
Post # 14
I’m not going to pass any judgment on whether you should do this with or without your FI’s knowledge, but just wanted to make sure that if you do upgrade you don’t end up with a stone that isn’t visibly better. Going up to VVS1 or IF isn’t going to make your diamond sparkle any more, you won’t be able to see a difference above VS2 without a loop. The cut is the key to sparkle and brilliance, not the clarity, so I think your money is far better spent upgrading to an Excellent or Ideal Cut and keeping clarity at VS2.
I personally would find a loose stone online (at Blue Nile, James Allen, or WhiteFlash) and then use it to negotiate a better price with the jewelry store on a stone with similar specs for the upgrade.
I also know people who have white gold e-rings paired with plat bands (or vice versa) and they aren’t bothered by it, but maybe it is because they have diamond bands so you don’t see much of the metal. Just something to keep in mind.
Post # 15
It might be an uncomfortable 5 minutes of your life, but your Fiance deserves to know. You’re not doing anything wrong by upgrading your ring to something you like. Just be mindful of his feelings and approach it in the best way you know how.
As far as the diamond, I’d go with Blue Nile and then use the credit from your local store to get wedding bands. Blue Nile lets you view the GIA form for each diamond, which will show you where the inlcusions are on the stone. I’d personally go for something with better cut than clarity. The cut is what makes the stone really sparkle, which is something you said you didn’t like about your original stone. Good luck.
Post # 16
ditto to the cut, the clarity would not make a difference. i would go down to SI2 as long as it is eye clean. and you need to see the diamond in different lightings to make sure it does sparkle.