Post # 1
I’m going anon for this one. I can feel that i will get some hate for this. But i’m still hoping for some positive comments that can help me.
I’m having a really hard time loving my ring the way I feel I should. I like the idea of it. But there are some issues I’m struggling with.
The quality just isn’t there. I have a solitaire ring in what I believe is a cathedral setting. Well the cuts for the cathedral base are not straight, nor are they the same size. One is larger than the other. Then there is the stone. I gave him seriously detailed specifics. Somewhere around 1 carat, princess diamond as first choice, good cut, H-J colour, VVS1-2. The reason I gave him such detail was because he just isn’t the kind of person to do his research and I wanted to make sure he didn’t get ripped off and didn’t get a poor quality. He got a radiant (that’s cool, something different), its over 1 ct, (wow! Completely unexpected!), I believe it’s a good cut and VS1. So that’s all fine! But he got a K colour. I could instantly see the yellow. Now every time I look at my ring I see the yellow and I see the poorly cut setting. I guess I’m just frustrated.
Before anyone says I am being ungrateful or petty, he had plenty of money to pay for way more than I wanted, and this seems to be a repeated issue. I will ask for something specific, and he will get something different. I ask that we pool our money together and get a Mac. He goes and buys me a Samsung. I ask that we go boxing day shopping for a TV together, he buys a TV himself as another “gift” for me and I get no say in it.
I know he always has good intentions. I know he does these things because he thinks he is surprising me and showing his love. But unfortunately he isn’t listening to my wishes. So how do I learn to love my ring, and how do I get him to listen?
Post # 3
Sit down and talk to him. If this is more than a one time occurance-a repeated problem, talk to him about it.
Post # 4
@anontobeee: I am sorry you don’t LOVE your ring. I struggle with that too and I even picked it out..lol. Well is there anyway you can return the stone? How long have you had it? Most of the time, the Fiance just wants you to be happy. I would price shop and find another radiant (like he picked out) and get close to the same specs (that he picked out) and just better color and see how much of a price difference it would be. Then present him with your concerns and let him know what the price difference is.
Post # 5
@JessMorgan777: +1. I totally agree. Be honest with him. Hopefully ou can retrun it And swap for another.
Post # 6
Do you know where he bought the ring? It may be possible to get them to exchange the diamond for something that you prefer.
As far as talking to your Fiance, I would just be upfront with him. Tell him that you love him and are excited to get married, but the ring just isn’t quite what you’d prefer. Explain that you want a ring you can really fall in love with because sentimentally/emotionally it’s an important part of the marriage/engagement. Remind him that you (and not he) will be wearing every day for many years.
Post # 7
I don’t think you’re being petty at all. Maybe a little picky, but then again, if you know that he isn’t going to research anything and might get ripped off, giving him specifics was probably a great idea.
I would sit down and talk with him. Try to stay calm don’t use “you,” because that can come across as accusatory. Start off with something like, “Honey, I was looking at my ring today and I think something is wrong with the setting?” Hopefully he asks what, or wants to see it. Try to make plans to take it back to the jeweler and look at new settings. I’m not sure there’s anything you can do about the stone that won’t hurt his feelings, unless you don’t think he’ll care? Maybe you can find a new setting that won’t work with your stone and you can trade in the whole thing for a new setting/stone that’s similar, but more what you want in terms of specs.
Post # 8
@JessMorgan777: I agree if this is something that keeps happening you need to sit down and adress it., It doent sound so much as a “Wah Wah I dont like my ring” thing as more of a underlying issue in the relationship that needs to be adress and the ring was just the straw that broke the camels back. Mr. Xray and I went thru something similar and I had to face it head on, it was hard at first on both of us but if you love him and he loves you… that will really help you in the long run.
Another great suggestion I’d say (and this comes from our pre marital class Mr. Xray and I just had) is to look up the Love Languages test. Have him and yourself do it. It worked WONDERS on Mr. Xray and I, I learned hes a guy who needs words of encouragement and affection where as I need acts of service and knowing this I know that daily I send him sweet texts telling him how much I love him since that is what makes him feel loved, and I come home and he will have done the dishes with out being asked or put away the laundry and it makes me feel really loved and he knows that. Its a huge help and eye opener since he sounds like Gift Giving/recieving is his way of feeling and showing love where as you maybe something else?? Was a HUGE help to my relationship and may be a great help to you!
Keep us updated and if you need to vent or anything feel free to PM me any time 🙂
Post # 9
@anontobeee: I would talk to him about it. I’m in the pick the ring together camp, and I think that him disregarding your suggestions to the point of affecting quality is not good.
I’d explain it to him like you do us. I don’t think that you should be miserable for the rest of your life with this ring. That just isn’t fair.
Obviously it won’t be an easy conversation to have, but I would think that he wants you to be happy. It’s not like you’re wanting to double the carat size or anything.
Post # 10
@JessMorgan777: Haha I picked mine out, too, but more for the setting and the price than anything else. The center stone isn’t exactly what I wanted, but I don’t think my Fiance would be okay with me upgrading (I can’t even get a bigger stone, just a different cut and better quality).
Post # 11
I just looked on blue nile and they had some great looking radiants in what your looking for. So check there and compare prices!
Post # 12
Open communication is the only way to solve any of these issues. Let him know (gently) how you are feeling and try not to attack him. Talk about how YOU feel, not about what HE does/doesn’t do.
I think you should absolutely look into getting the setting fixed if it isn’t properly crafted, you don’t want the center stone to fall out. I think you should keep the center diamond if he will be sensitive to you wanting to change it. It seems he may have gone down in color in order to go up in size. I know how exciting and important the ring is now, but honestly in a few years it won’t be a focal point for you anymore. I hated when my sister told me the ring doesn’t matter because she never thinks about it now 5 years later because it takes the excitement away from the here and now. But it’s true and kind of puts things in perspective that the ring in the whole scheme of life doesn’t matter.
Post # 14
@vorpalette: This is an excellent way to bring it up thank you!!
@MissXray: I actually have read that and i learned he is the acts of service kind of guy! I am quality time. Unfortunately i asked him to read it repeatedly so he could understand, and he hasn’t. So whats the point if he isn’t making the effort?
I feel that if i bring this up he will think i am ungrateful. I love everything my ring means, i just wish he would have stayed to the guidelines i gave him. I gave them to him for a reason.
We are seeing a counsellor before marriage and i am seeing her on my own time as well. I’ll ask her how i might bring this up without hurting his feelings…
Post # 15
@Sunfire: + 2!
I have a K coloured stone and i personally loooovvveee it! But if you aren’t happy (specificately with the setting quality) you just have to be honest with him! In a very very delicate way…
Post # 16
@anontobeee: Bringing it up with the counselor is a great idea. If you decide to talk about it during one of your joint sessions, your counselor can help both of you communicate effectively and avoid misunderstanding each other. It’s a delicate issue, but learning how to address these things will only make your relationship stronger.