Post # 62
@NomNomNom: “In the end, I can’t upgrade without him knowing, my money is his money now as well (since we’ve been engaged). We’d have to discuss it. We’ve already bought our wedding bands too, so it’s not like I could change it up when we get bands.”
Why would you need to have a discussion? You already had a discussion, picked a stone, gave him your CC info so he could purchase the agreed upon ring…and then he went and picked a different stone anyway…? Did you have a discussion about automatically joining finances now that you’re engaged…or did he decide?
He made a poor decision. Behind your back. The fact that he will write you a cheque for the money you paid, does not sit well with me. That pretty much sets a precedent for him to veto ANY joint decisions you make from that point on.
Mr NomNomNom “Oh honey, you don’t like my decision to buy a motorbike when we discussed getting a mini van for the family (clearly just an example :p) ok, no worries, I’ll give you the money for the difference.”
Stand up for yourself! He disrespected you, and there doesn’t seem to be a valid reason as to why.
Post # 63
OK, I’m going to be blunt as well on this. If you’re settling on this issue, be prepared to settle on many other things in the future. Especially when this one seems to be about deceit and money. You and your fiance agreed on one thing and he went behind your back and gave you something else. You paid for a good portion of that ring. If he couldn’t afford that ring without your contribution, he should not have accepted that portion and bought what he could afford. He used your money in a way you didn’t approve of him using it. Is he going to do the same thing when it comes to other things? Tell you he’s doing one thing and does something entirely different?
Your fiance deceived you … promised you one thing and delivered another. Is this the way you want to live the rest of your life … settling for somethin he’s promised but didn’t deliver? First the ring … then what else? The reception, the honeymoon, the house, the number of kids, the vacations, etc?
I appreciate that people pick and choose their battles with their spouses … but his deceitfulness is a battle that I would want to fight if I were in your shoes. I know that I couldn’t be with a man who tells me one thing and turns around and does something different … especially when my money is involved.
Post # 64
OK maybe I should give more information.I’m glad that someone pointed out the dream girl thing meant he was testing me. That’s exactly how I felt about it and it irritated me. He mentioned (about 3 weeks before we got engaged) that he wanted to get a smaller stone than the one we had picked out/put a deposit down on. I seriously thought he was testing me then (and at that point I just wanted to be engaged) and I said I would say yes to a rubber band. I still would say yes to a rubber band. It wasn’t a very serious discussion and in my defense he said it jokingly. He knew how in love I was with the other stone (the one I put the 10% deposit down on!).
I can’t upload my ring picture because it’s already been up here on the boards. It’s still a beautiful ring. Just the side stones are out of proportion to the center now and it bugs me after months of looking for it.
We joined finances so we can pay for the wedding together, and it was my decision. I’m on his accounts as well. I’m in finance and I like budgeting and investing. I paid for the ring because I had the money liquid and he has higher interest student loans he can pay down with his own money.
Post # 65
well that’s a slightly different story then….
Post # 66
Post # 67
@NomNomNom: Agreed with PP. It’s a slightly different story. Your original post implies you were upset about it but you seem ok with it now. If you don’t mind, can you private message me your normal user name so I can find your ring picture? Lol…It’s ok, I understand you want to be anonymous but I want to see your set!!
Post # 68
This whole story seems “off”. If he makes good money, he should have gotten you what HE could afford, not what YOU could afford? What’s the point of shopping without you if he was using your money? And if he could “write a check” for the amount, then he should have, PERIOD. That’s not a feminist or non feminist thing, it’s a basic respect thing. you should not feel obligated to buy your own GIFT..IF you were going to pay for it anyway, then you definately should have gotten exactly what you want. By keeping quiet, you’re telling him it’s perfectly ok to be disrespectful and play these little games with you because you’re just going to slink away and keep your anger, sadness and irritation to yourself. Since it was purchased with your card, you need to woman up, return the ring and tell him that your dream fiance would work hard to get you what you deserved and not try to shaft you with something smaller based on what someone OUTSIDE of the relationship had to say! If you don’t, then prepare for a lifetime of disappointment.
Post # 69
Honesty is the foundation of a happy partnership. Without honesty, how can there be trust, or real communication?
By keeping your feelings secret from him, you are closing off a room of your “house”, so to speak. In doing so, you are preventing him to be completely close to you and share your world.
If this is the guy, you should be able to tell him anything. It may seem intimidating at first, but I’m certain he will appreciate your honesty and see where you are coming from.
Here’s the best part; being honest with him is an opportunity for you to bond. It’s a chance for him to be a nice guy, and for you to throw your arms around him and declare, “You are the best man on earth and I am so lucky to be with you!”
Give it a try! Go get your gem and strengthen your relationship all at the same time.
Post # 70
Uh, I don’t think the OP cares anymore. She was angry in her original post, then changed her story near the end of this thread and honestly, I think she would rather have a liar for a fiance then stand up for herself.