(Closed) Ring question for picky (ok, controlling) bees

posted 8 years ago in Rings
Post # 47
2892 posts
Sugar bee

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@mamadingdong:  I don’t know. I don’t think having individual tastes because you’re a person with a unique personality and not a robot means you’re a control freak. You bet your ass if we turned the tables on our SOs and told them we’re gonna buy them an awesome engagement laptop they’d be all up in our business about how they prefer Apple or PC, 15in or 17 in screen, fingerprint readers, an Intel or AMD chip, a 9 core battery, etc, etc, etc, and they wouldn’t be called control freaks for wanting to make sure they receive something they like. Jewelry, like technology, is not simple and there isn’t a one-size-fits-all. And if you’re dropping 4 or 5 figures on a gift, I’d hope you wouldn’t fuck up. ๐Ÿ™‚ 

I can’t wait to see what you get! 

Post # 48
3617 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I am a complete control freak. I had a bunch of rings that I showed DH that i LOVED. He refused to look at them. He wanted to pick the ring completely on his own. It DROVE ME BONKERS!!!!!!! And I would not shut up about WHEN he was going to propose even after he gave me a timeline. I wish I had wedding bee back then to tell me to shut up. So you are at least ahead of me there.

In the end, DH picked a ring on his own, and proposed on his own timeline. And I LOVE the ring. It is far better than any of the rings I was literally dragging him to go see. 

Post # 49
204 posts
Helper bee

I am a “planner” aswell…. he knows this and loves me for it – ha ha most of the time.

We designed my ring together.

I just basically told him my like an dislikes, then one day we just took out the ipad and snuggled ont he couch looking at rings.

We had a bit different taste at first but then we found a design we both loved and had it changed a bit.

Keep him involved, but be honest with what you like.

Post # 50
2393 posts
Buzzing bee

OP, I never have understood the whole “you should be grateful for whatever he gives you” thing either. I think you are smart to be thinking about this before he gets a ring rather than keeping your fingers crossed that it will all magically work out.

This is the most important piece of jewelry you will ever own… I agree with you that it should be something you love, and you definitely should have a say in it since you’ll be wearing it every single day for the rest of your life!

PPs have already given great advice… the only thing I would add would be to consider making a short and sweet list of some sort, something about the size of an index card that he could carry in his wallet or keep pinned to a bulletin board in the kitchen, and refer to when he is ready to buy. Just a really short list of “likes” and “don’t likes.” A photo or two of examples of what you like also would be a good idea.


Just make sure that you really hammer home what you DON’T like vs. what you DO like… there is a Bee on here somewhere (can’t remember her name) who told her SO that he could get her whatever he wanted as long as it wasn’t this certain style that she hates. I can’t remember what the certain style was…. well, somehow her SO got confused and ended up getting her the one thing that she said she specifically did not want! It was kind of funny!

That’s why I think a photo or something in writing would be a good idea, vs. just telling him.

Good luck!!


Post # 51
38 posts
  • Wedding: May 2013

My Fiance and I were boring ๐Ÿ™‚  We discussed the benefits of getting married, how we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, and how we want the same things out of life….we decided to get engaged and we essentially just went to the jewelry store and picked out a ring.  We both knew I wanted a sapphire center stone and white gold, and that’s what we got….it’s beautiful!  We went to dinner while it was sized (we went to Jared and they do that in house, same day.)  When we came back, he did the one knee thing and I accepted ๐Ÿ™‚

I’m asking this out of sheer curiousity, is it usual to have a waiting period from the engagement talk to the actual engagement?  I was engaged in my 20’s (I’m 34 now) and what the ex did was just wait until we were at the mall already a few times and then we’d swing by jewelry stores and he’d ask questions. I wasn’t all too shocked that he proposed but I had no idea WHEN it was going to happen….I think now it would’ve been nice to know…I was totally blindsided!  However, I really do like how it happened with the right guy…nothing too fancy but neither are we! 

Post # 52
12 posts
  • Wedding: May 2013

We were at the mall one day and I told him that I wanted to go look at jewelry and he ended up bringing me over to the engagement rings and we picked out a ring together!

Post # 53
490 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

I can’t wait to hear what happens!  My Fiance had to pick the ring out for me.  It was a beautiful ring, but I was worried about the stone in it and the ring wasn’t completely my style, so we went to a jewelry store and bought a new ring.  We were going to pick out our wedding bands and have those be a surprise, but that made my Fiance nervous as he wanted to make sure he got something he loved! lol!  So they should understand, right? ๐Ÿ˜›  I don’t think you are a control freak at all with this!  You just want to make sure you have a ring that excites you.  Nothing wrong with that!  I do hope it works out.

Post # 54
17 posts
  • Wedding: November 2012

Just tell him you are picky.  Guys may not respond to everything a woman says but we do hear it.  When he is ready, he will remember what you said and take steps to get your feedback.

Don’t give him specific styles, or give him links to what you like.  Lay back and wait.  He will know he needs your input.  Make sure you get the correct size information and have that available for him too.

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