(Closed) Ring related meltdown. (mostly a rant)

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What to do about no e-ring?
    Keep wearing the ring you bought yourself and keep quiet. He’ll get you one eventually. : (5 votes)
    4 %
    Have your meltdown and just be honest. Probably won’t get you closer to a ring though. : (23 votes)
    18 %
    Demand a ring with the only requirement being he buys it. : (16 votes)
    13 %
    Stop wearing your ring. When he asks say you are waiting for a ring from him to wear. : (62 votes)
    50 %
    Break off your engagement. He’s a great guy and doesn't need this crap from you. : (19 votes)
    15 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    119 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    If breaking off the engagement is even an option on the poll because of this, I respectfully suggest you reconsider your engagement to him. In my opinion that indicates that because you don’t have a ring you don’t feel really engaged. And that’s okay. It’s okay to want a ring. It’s not petty. It’s a meaningful gesture and outward sign of your intentions. I think you should have your melt down and let him know how much this means to you. But, I voted break it off because that even being on your list of what to do says a lot.

    Post # 4
    Member
    738 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @FeelingCrazy:  ‘break off your engagement. He’s a great guy and doesn’t deserve this crap from you.’ 

     

    Seriously? You sound so sad. I feel like you put yourself down throughout this whole post, but that is really being mean to yourself. You deserve what you are asking for. It is NOT just a hunk of metal and a stone, it’s a symbol your his intention to marry you. Granted, you can be engaged without one if it doesn’t matter to you, but it clearly does. If he knows how much it matters to you and still doesn’t want to get you one, I would break of the engagement. But bc you are a great girl and you don’t deserve that crap from him. Not the other way around.

    Post # 5
    Member
    676 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    @FeelingCrazy:  It may not really be on his mind. To him, you are engaged so A ring is not something he is thinking about (compared to a guy that is preparing to propose, that is). And if you aren’t bringing it up, he is really not being reminded or getting a slap in the face regarding is importance. You should definitely bring it up, make it known how you feel about the situation but keep it civil and noon-accusatory.

    Post # 6
    Member
    4021 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Have you asked him why the timeline for the ring keeps getting pushed back? What did he say? What was the reason he didn’t have a ring when he proposed?

    Post # 11
    Member
    3553 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Communication is super important in any relationship, you need to be able to communicate your needs and wants even if you feel silly about them.

     

    Since I’ve gotten engaged I’ve had three completely separate people tell me I shouldn’t get a wedding dress. It made me feel sad and like there was something wrong with me that these different people looked at me and thought I didn’t deserve a pretty wedding dress. I told my Fiance about these feelings even though I feel a bit silly for wanting the pretty dress when all I wear to work is jeans and a t-shirt. He told me that if I want a pretty wedding dress I will have one because he loves me and he thinks that I deserve one. Even though I still feel a bit silly, knowing he has my back and supports my more materialistic desires means the world to me becuase you don’t just need your FI’s support for the big things in life, but also the little things.

     

    You need to tell your Fiance how you really feel about an engagement ring. He needs to know how important it is to you, not because you’re materialistic, but because it symbolizes your relationship which is very important to you. He needs to know that by not getting you one he is making you feel devalued. Tell him your real feelings and give him a chance to step up and support you.

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    286 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    @FeelingCrazy:  I wouldn’t feel bad at all for wanting a nice ring. We all have a dream ring. But maybe the best thing would be to adjust your expectations for what your Fiance can realistically and easily afford. I also think there’s a lot of insane pressure to have the perfect ring when you get engaged, but you can always upgrade when you are in a more financially stable place.

    It sounds like your Fiance has some credit card debt and wants to get rid of it before making another major purchase, which sounds perfectly reasonable to me. I also don’t blame him for not wanting to dip into his savings for a purchase like this either; what if one of you loses your job or encounters a major expense, like healthcare or the car breaking down?

    I’d ask yourself why you want the ring. Do you want it as a symbol for your relationship, for your committment to each other? Because you can have a beautiful ring that does that without putting financial strain on your relationship. So I would talk to your Fiance about what a ring might mean to you and what it would add to your engagement. My parents got engaged without a ring and have been married for more than 35 years.

    I’d maybe talk to a counselor about this. It sounds like you are projecting a lot of your anxieties onto this ring when maybe something bigger is going on that you’re not dealing with.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1357 posts
    Bumble bee

    Why don’t you suggest an inexpensive, temporary ring? A ring doesn’t need to be expensive. At least that way you’ll know if the issue really is money or something else. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    2076 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

    @FeelingCrazy:  

    I didn’t vote for any option as this is clearly a sensitive topic… and all the options may not get you a ring as they’re all reactive approaches. And men… they may not get us women sometimes UNLESS we write them an instruction manual.

    Tell him that it is important to you to have a symbol of an official engagement. Give him a budget of how much he should spend. Go rings shopping together; make it a fun and memorable experience. That way, he would buy something that the both of you like!

    What matters more is if you see him as the guy you can grow old with. If this answer is yes, then he should be able to handle any adult discussions on the topic of an engagement ring.

    Post # 15
    Member
    743 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @FeelingCrazy:  I voted for “Break off your engagement” , but I don’t agree with the statement “He’s a great guy and doesn’t need this crap from you”   Just skimming over PP, I think you need to seriously reevaluate his commitment to you.  Going with the whole “general knowledge that guys tend to have commitment issues” I kinda view the ring purchase as a “making a commitment” thing.  Doesn’t have to be the biggest, shinest diamond, but a guy (in a guy/gal relationship), should indeed buy a ring to smbolize the commitment.

    So, I don’t think you are crazy or demanding at all, but I think you need to make it clear that you expect a ring (again, doesn’t have to be expensive) to accompany your engagement.

    The topic ‘Ring related meltdown. (mostly a rant)’ is closed to new replies.

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