(Closed) Ring related meltdown. (mostly a rant)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What to do about no e-ring?

    Keep wearing the ring you bought yourself and keep quiet. He’ll get you one eventually.

    Have your meltdown and just be honest. Probably won’t get you closer to a ring though.

    Demand a ring with the only requirement being he buys it.

    Stop wearing your ring. When he asks say you are waiting for a ring from him to wear.

    Break off your engagement. He’s a great guy and doesn't need this crap from you.

  • Post # 17
    Member
    47 posts
    Newbee

    went through a similar thing with my guy- but he just took forever to propose after we’d already talked extensively about the wedding plans. He was also big on getting the right ring. It was a huge thing to him for it to be a big rock, whereas i could have had a sapphire and been happy. I just wanted that symbol from him that it was happening. In the end it was that I mattered so much to him and he was so traditional in this one view point that he didn’t want to do anything less that he thought I deserved. Maybe a happy medium would be if he bought you a ring- not “the” ring, but a ring that’s a little less expensive that is from him that says everything you need him to say and save up and buy a bigger ring later?

    Post # 18
    Member
    6738 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I think any man would move mountains to get you a ring, even if it isn’t the ring that he thinks you should have ultimately.  There’s always the option of upgrading in the future.  I would talk to him about how you feel and say that you want a moissanite (or asha or cz of white sapphire or whatever color gemstone you want) that HE buys you and an upgrade on your 5 or 10 yr anniversary. 

    Post # 20
    Member
    11266 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @FeelingCrazy:  is your wedding date posted correct?  does your fi discuss the wedding plans at all?  what have the two of you done so far with the planning?  i’m just wondering how committed he is to the whole engagement.

    Post # 22
    Member
    286 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    View original reply
    @FeelingCrazy:  Well, I didn’t mean to offend you, but you wrote that you were depressed and anxious over the ring. Generally, depression and anxiety can be treated with some combination of counseling and medication (which I know, having suffered from both myself). I don’t know where you are in terms of wedding planning, but maybe you could talk about how you don’t want to make any major wedding plans until you get a ring, if it means that much to you.

    Post # 25
    Member
    87 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I think what troubles me the most is that you don’t feel you can tell him. You need to be able to communicate with him.  My suggestion would be to just sit down and tell him how important a ring is to you. its a symbololic thing.  It can be a plain band. But if you don’t tell him how important it is to you, then he won’t know.

    Post # 28
    Member
    2909 posts
    Sugar bee

    Really, no one “needs” an engagement ring, but there is NOTHING wrong with wanting one. I think it’s super important for you personally and for your relationship with him to sit him down and TELL HIM how much an engagement ring means to you and that you really, really want one. Ask him, knowing how important it is to you, what amount of $$ he could afford to get a ring now, and then pick one out together (or let him pick it, making sure he knows that a non-diamond is okay if that’s the case). If he is unwilling to give you this when it is SO IMPORTANT to you, I’d doubt his commitment. Wanting an engagement ring does not mean you are a materialistic person! Tell him, “I love you so much, and I’m so excited to be marrying you. Not having a ring is really weighing heavily on my mind. It makes me soooo sad that I don’t have one. I know if you were feeling sad about something that I could do something about, I would want to know, so I wanted YOU to know how I feel about this.” Or some version thereof. Plan it out ahead of time if that makes it easier. But you aren’t being fair to him, to yourself, or to your relationship with each other by continuing to be sad about something that really could be changed fairly easily.

    Post # 29
    Member
    87 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    View original reply
    @FeelingCrazy:  It’s perfectly okay to have wants vs needs.  Yes, I need a roof over my head.  Yes, I want a mansion with cool stuff.  But its perfectly reasonable to have a nice house with a nice neighborhood instead of just a roof.

    I really think the best bet is to tell him how much its affecting you.  So that you can work out a solution together. 

    Post # 30
    Member
    119 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    View original reply
    @FeelingCrazy:  I agree, that is a good point. In that case you really just need to be true with your feelings. It may be difficult and ugly at first but your Fiance needs to know how you feel and how much the ring means to you. I know I’d be heartbroken and confused myself if it were me. Good luck! 

    Post # 31
    Hostess
    3571 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I don’t know. I never had a ring when I was engaged, but got one on my wedding day. It bothered me a tiny bit, and was mostly funny when I’d mention wedding planning and some $#@%^ acquaintence would look at my hand and give me a “oh you poor delusional thing” look. My wedding was awesome, my marriage is happy. 

    The difference between you and I though appears to be that it really. bothers. you. Ask for a ring and be honest with him. Don’t scold, whine, or punish. Just be honest. If he can really afford a ring, he’ll probably get you one. It might mean that you will not get the ring of your dreams, in which case you won’t have much of a leg to stand on and really will come off very poorly if you later tell him it’s not good enough. 

    If you’re honest and he just doesn’t buy you a ring, then I think you have bigger issues related to setting shared priorities, financial goals, etc. 

    The topic ‘Ring related meltdown. (mostly a rant)’ is closed to new replies.

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