Post # 1
If you read my other post last week, I mentioned how J and I were going ring shopping this weekend. I was really excited because it was a HUGE step for us. And I was really disappointed with the outcome.
So yesterday we were at the local mall (with at least 6 different jewellery stores in it). On our way out of the mall (I had other things to pick up while we were there) we stopped in at the shadiest jewellery store there was. I swear they would have given us a free slurpy if we purchased something over $50. Anyway, we were in the store for less than 5 minutes, and that was it. We left. I asked J if he wanted to go to another place, and he said: “No. I just wanted you to confirm what I knew already. Now I just have to go out and buy it.” I told him that it’s ridiculous for him to slap down X amount of dollars for a ring all at once, and recommended that he just put down a deposit because a lot of these stores have financing plans. He didn’t seem to like that idea. While we were in the store I showed him everything that I liked and disliked. But to be honest, I didn’t really like any of their rings… Thankfully they had the style that I liked. I guess I’m just diappointed because I was expecting to go to at least a couple of places, with more variety. I think I just got my hopes up too high or something. On the car ride home we chatted a little more about it. I told him my ring size, and he tried on an example of one of my rings on his pinky finger.
I’m not sure how I feel right now. I know, I should just be thankful that we even WENT. And yes, I got the chance to show him what I liked, etc. and I know a lot of girls don’t do this with their bf’s, and would kill to do so. But I can’t help but feel disappointed. I was hoping to spend more time there, or try another store at least. *sigh*
I guess only time will tell now, right? Not sure what I’m looking for here. I just needed to get things off my chest.
Post # 3
Can you talk to him and let him know you didn’t see exactly what you wanted at that particular store and you’d like to look some more? Or you could always go look on your own and then take him back when you find something you love! Darling Husband and I looked at tons of stores but then time got in the way, so I would check places out on my own (I got off work earlier) and then if I found places I thought he should go, I took him back there.
Post # 4
I know how you feel – when we started looking my SO looked so bored and.. well even frightened, lol! Took many trips to jewellers but again nothing much came from it. It took 2 years of this tedious “browsing” until he finally decided to actually purchase a ring.
You don’t always know how much hes been thinking into this and maybe doesnt want to be overloaded with info? Even I was taken aback by all the differences from one ring to another..
Your right, at least you could choose with him what you liked, at least he knows what to get you now! I see it as a positive step, even if you didnt seem to spend much time on it!! 🙂
Post # 5
@spaneshal: True. I’m trying to look at the positives: When we walked into the store he walked straight to the engagement ring section as if he already knew where it was. Odd. He pointed to a few, saying “What do you think about THIS one? What do you think about THAT one?” He was actively involved and wasn’t bored, but I just wish we looked around more.
I’d love to bring it up today, but I’m silly… I’d like for HIM to bring it up so that I know he’s truely interested. I’d rather not push the subject. But hey, that’s just me. I’d hate to be the one talking about it or bringing up the subject all the time. Know what I mean?
Post # 6
@GwenvonD: I don’t know how your guy is, but a lot of guys don’t understand the thrill we women get from ring shopping. Darling Husband HATES shopping but did it anyway….not saying he loved it anywhere near as much as I did. He had fun….but it wasn’t the thrilling experience I had. I guess it depends on your relationship but really, he may not bring it up if you don’t and I don’t see the harm in bringing it up if you want to. Sure you’d like him to be the one to bring it up, but in his mind he may already have an idea in his head of what he’s getting and may not see the need to talk about it! Guys, for the most part, tend to think differently about ring shopping.
I guess I got the feeling from your post that you wanted to see more styles and didn’t see a ring you liked at that store. That’s why I suggested talking to him about it. But if you saw enough of what you liked, then why not just browse by yourself? There’s no harm in it and it’s a lot of fun 🙂
Post # 7
@GwenvonD: Ah, you need to bring it up; he’s not a mind reader. If you just sit back hoping he does, you’ll probably be disappointed and it’ll cause more issues in the long run. Communicate, communicate, communicate!!
Post # 8
I didnt get to look at rings at all. I’ve never had another e-ring on my finger except the one my husband picked out. I sort of helped by showing him pictures of what I thought I’d like. Sometimes (rarely), I regret not shopping and really trying to find out what I liked when it wass actually on my finger. But, I love my ring, and love that he picked it out himself and I cannot imagine having anything else on my finger. I think if your guy had something in mind, and just wanted guidance, and wants to take care of the rest himself now, that you should let him. My husbands is proud that he picked it out himself and that it was perfect for me… even if its only 95% my ‘perfect’ ring, the fact that he did all that for me make its 100%. Sonuds like your guys wants to be able to pride himself with the ring he picks for you too and I think you will love it more cause of that.
Post # 9
Just bring it up. I know you want your guy to bring it up but you need to say something. If you want to have more control over the ring he ultimately picks for you, don’t worry about it and speak up. Do you really want to be seething around him whenever you see him and hope that he says something?
Guys have a different type of shopping MO. They get in, get what they need, and get out. They don’t like to browse at all. I know if I take my Boyfriend or Best Friend to my favorite makeup store, I better get what I need, pay for it, and get the hell out of there. He may be the same way.
I do think you may have been too excited to go and built it up in your mind. See it as a good step in the right direction, bring it up to your SO that you want to go a couple more places or just trust he will get you something you like and it will be special because it comes from him.
Post # 10
I told him that it’s ridiculous for him to slap down X amount of dollars for a ring all at once, and recommended that he just put down a deposit because a lot of these stores have financing plans.
Sorry, this is a little OT, but I don’t understand this. Wouldn’t a financing plan make it more expensive? Don’t they usually involve some interest? I thought in general it’s better to avoid financing if you can pay in full.
Post # 11
Maybe he’s playing you…. like he already knows what you like and wants you to drop the subject so that it can be a true surprise… maybe he’s already got a ring waiting for you hidden somewhere? We did a lot of looking very casually at home too, online. I would see something and ask him what he thought of it, and he would do the same. But when we got down to talking about finances we knew we didn’t have the money so as far as I was concerned there was no ring=no engagement. But little did I know it was all part of his little plan to surprise me! So don’t beat yourself up over it, you just never know what the boys are up to 😉
Post # 12
Thanks everyone. J knows what ring I want (I showed him a while ago), but he said he couldn’t afford it. That’s ok, though. I don’t want him spending a fortune.
The financing plans they have allow no payments and no interest for 12 months. Guess I’ll be waiting much longer if he plans on paying in full. I told him that $3000 was far too much for a ring, and that I didn’t want him spending anywhere close to that.
Post # 13
My first thought is that I was wondering if you are both working toward a common goal. If you say this is a HUGE step, and he didn’t seem interested, are you sure he wants to move toward marriage?
I think you two need to communicate regardless and see where you both stand.
Post # 14
You could always ask him first to marry you if you want to be engaged before you get the ring too… that way you both have time to get the ring you want without the whole waiting game.
Post # 15
My Fiance asked me to go ring shopping alone and then give him a picture of the style I like best. I don’t know how your guy is, but mine hates big purchases, and if we would have gone together, he would have passed out. I think it’s a lot for a guy to handle…you’re there trying on a piece of jewelry that not only costs a ton of money, but the significance of the purchase is huge, too. He may have been overwhelmed. He also might not have been interested because he already has a plan for what he is going to do, and like you said, ‘just wanted to confirm what he already thought’. (I might be wrong but I took that as…he already knows what you like/want…he just wanted to make sure one last time before buying it).
Post # 16
I went ring shopping myself and had the salesperson write the tag number of the ring I liked on the back of their business card.
I had plans to give the cards to my Fiance but he beat me to it and coincidentally bought one of the rings I’d chosen myself! I was really happy!