Post # 1
I’ll try to keep the back story short. Boyfriend and over the past couple of months have been seriously talking about our futures together and we could not be more excited! As we are discussing our futures, naturally weddings, engagement, etc are topics of conversation.
Yesterday we were talking at dinner about how a friend of mine went ring shopping with her boyfriend. He said “ring shopping?” are you supposed to do that together? I WAS SHOCKED. I thought that he would want me involved in the process and we would do it together – it is a piece of jewelry I will be wearing the rest of my life. You don’t just buy a pair of Manolo Blahnik’s without trying them on!
I’m looking for advice if anyone has been in a similar situation – how did you handle it? Did you just let him do it and be surprised? Were you able to take him shopping? Any advice on how I can be a part of the process would be much appreciated.
Post # 3
@FutureMrsMike: if he doesnt think you should be involved and you are at the chatting about it stage then you should maybe go on your own try some on you like then grab the computer and show him those styles..then he can still pick but you have already been trying stuff on and know what you like…make sense?
Post # 4
If you want to be involved, then you should. If you don’t, then you shouldn’t. There isn’t a right or wrong.
Maybe to get started you could shop with a friend or browse online. Lots of girls who want to be involved go shopping together and then their SO has an idea of what they like but can pick the final choice to keep some surprise.
Post # 5
T wanted to surprise me. About 10 months before he proposed we both looked online and I showed him the kinds of styles I liked. What he picked out ended up being perfect (and WAY nicer) than anything I would have picked out.
Post # 6
I would test out the waters. If he is 100% adamant about not picking it out with you, I’m inclined to say that’s that. However, if that’s just an assumption he has but is open to more modern practices of picking out the ring as a couple, then you can probably tell him about other people that do it (and had good results from it) or point out couple who are clearly buying an engagement ring together at the store. Here, I think about 95% of the time I walk past an engagement ring store/counter, it’s a couple, not just a solo guy. Is there someone that can advocate for you to him, like a sister or something? Maybe this person can gently tell him what you like or talk him into letting you come with him.
Post # 7
Thanks ladies! I think I will try to work through his sister – I didn’t even think of that!!!
Post # 8
Maybe go try some styles on to see what you like, then give him an idea (ie “honey, I really love round cut diamonds with gemstones” or “I like more of a vintage look”, etc.). I can imagine a guy picking out a ring on his own could be very daunting.
Post # 9
@FutureMrsMike: It depends on the guy. Depending on how traditional he is, he might want to pick the ring himself. If he’s hell bent on doing this, at least steer him in the right direction. It helps to know what you like and what you don’t like. If you never wear yellow gold, it would be smart to suggest to him that you want a platinum or white gold ring. If you want a diamond, say so. If there’s a particular diamond shape you like, say so.. etc.
I’m with you – I’ve always wanted a say in my ring. Our budget for the ring is quite large and I’m picking it! I’m pretty Type A and yeah I guess I am making it less romantic, but as you say.. it’s something you wear daily for your entire life, so I want a say in it! My guy doesn’t mind… he only gets mad when I go on and on about it 🙂
If you explain this to your guy and he still wants to pick it, make sure you give him some suggestions and maybe even send him some pictures of it. If he ignores them then that’s a bigger issue. Surely he wants you to have the ring of your dreams and not waste a lot of money on something you don’t like.
Post # 10
Picking out a ring together isn’t exactly a modern concept. Both my grandmother’s and DH’s one grandmother picked out their own rings. DH’s other grandmother did not have an e-ring but her and her husband had matching bands.
@canarydiamond: I agree totally with everything you said.
I did not pick out my ring. I had no idea Darling Husband was even close to proposing; he never asked what I liked, what I wanted, etc. I really hadn’t looked because I didn’t think a proposal was coming any time soon. While I was thrilled to be engaged, I wasn’t crazy about the ring. I know he tried, but it just wasn’t “me”, not to mention it was a rather wide, uncomfortable design and there was no way you could pair it up with a matching band. I was jealous of my friends who had a very open process with their SO’s and got to get exactly what they wanted.
To the OP – drop hints to everyone you can! If you know you don’t like yellow gold, let people know that, especially his sister. Actually, tell people what you DO like rather than what you don’t. Men can sometimes hear things the wrong way. For example, my friend kept telling her Boyfriend or Best Friend she did not want a princess cut (which were just starting to be the rage) and all he heard was “princess cut” and thought that’s what she did want. Fortunately they were able to switch it for the shape she wanted.