Post # 31
I would be bothered by the fact that it wasnt your style. While a ring may be a trivial thing, the bigger meaning behind it is the fact that YOU have to wear it for the rest of your life on YOUR finger. If you were demanding some outlandish ring and gave him clear expectations of “I’m not marrying you unless said ring is x amont of money, carats, etc and you have no other option,” then I would just be bothered that he did exactly what you didn’t want and expects you to be happy with it. My SO knew exactly what I wanted and I never demanded it we just browsed together and I showed him what I liked. If he would have given me something completely not my taste it would be hard for me to connect because I would feel like if you could get this, then why couldn’t you get what I liked? But as other PP said, you don’t seem thrilled ti be marrying him besides the ring.
Post # 32
If you are involved in the business, have your own lawyers review all contracts, find an exit from the business so that you do not lose a penny. And exit from this guy.
Post # 33
Hello, it is very awkward trying to reply to so many messages on my tablet so I give a little info (& a big thank you) to all the ladies trying to help me nail this down. Tomorrow I can log in on a laptop.
Some of you made me laugh out loud and some came to my defence in a way that really hit home. Our relationship does have cold feet and rockiness and maybe more than its fair share of the “downs” that anyone deserves in a decade, let alone a year. Because a picture would be so helpful I will attach a grainy one of the rings I wear, including the engagement ring (it’s a really old tablet!). And some context, I am 35 and a happily overworked career gal. He started the business in his career (switching from employee to contractor, something he has done before) and we are both about equal in income and comfort. I am a save/planner and he is a catch-upper, and that is where general tension and some of his choices come into play. He did not save and did not plan for the ring, and picked the ring he did because it relieved the stress of making it happen itself. He also loves his mom and wanted to help her out/couldn’t say no if she offered. We both have hard-working single moms clawing their way away from poverty and abusive men. I have a strong emotional attachment to jewelry, I remember the gifts to me, keep every trinket, and have strong memories of my loved ones when I wear them. That is a feeling I had thought (before) would just flow over into the engagement- but maybe a thousandfold. Surprise. My favourite rings are the flower, bought from a friend’s shop (felted wool) and the snake- I am in love with the sparkly snake. It is the only diamond I have purchased, because I never had interest in diamond. Solitaires remind me of cut out paper dolls as a child for some reason. I work a dirty job as an archaeologist and part of feeling like a clean, fresh feminine human being after slogging through the forest is getting out of hard hats, highviz, and carharts, is scrubbing off bug spray and putting on some jewelry.
Yes, I think he has been a bit of a dick about the whole thing and I do feel like I deserve to at least feel pleased with the ring-of-forever. Seriously, he is competing with felted wool-I’m not asking for much but a solid show-up. We have both played chicken with hashing out the hard conversations. It has been a tremendous uphill battle for me to get well this year, and I put the brakes on wedding planning because I was terrified that the added stress to our mountain of stress would break me. I was probably spot-on. But I am seeing the end of the tunnel and I know I have to sort through these feelings and where better than asking women in the same place? I will seriously consider the thoughts from who have advised moving on, but any other questions I should be digging for too?