MemberI wore my engagement ring to my last interview… granted, it was a part-time job, but it had a lot of growth potential. I would never not wear it to an interview. Something about that seems dishonest. It’s a .75ct solitaire with a really thin band, though, so it’s also nothing blingy.
MemberNovaRising: “Or assume you don’t “need” the job because your man is taking care of you.”
OOH, hadn’t thought of THAT! Then wouldn’t a wedding band do the same?
That is a good point but I don’t necessarily interpret it that way. A LARGE eRing (2cts and up for example) would generally show that your husband/fiance makes a lot of money and could potentially afford to support the both of you which is where the “don’t ‘need’ the job” factor comes in. Wearing just the wedding band wouldn’t. It could mean you guys never got the ering due to budget and each wear bands only.
Member@madelise: I’ve heard two sides to this dilemma, and the final result is, you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t (as a woman).
1) Wear the e-ring – You risk those interviewing you thinking that you will be wedding-obsessed/planning instead of learning the ropes and will probably demand maternity leave shortly after you get married.
2) Don’t wear a ring – You risk those interviewing you thinking that you might be flaky and unstable (especially if you are older). The interviewers may also think that you can’t handle commitment and that something is wrong with you. (This is just what I heard from when I was trying to figure out which approach to take)
When I interview next, I will wear both my engagement ring and wedding band. My WB looks weird on its own, and my e-ring is a pink sapphire so I won’t have to deal with “diamond size judgment.” If a company doesn’t hire me b/c they assume that I will be immediately leaving to pop out babies, then it’s not the company for me.
Member@madelise: Like Caddyshack, I’ve always heard the opposite about married women being reliable. Regardless, there is an oft repeated mantra amongst my law school class that “if they don’t want to hire you because you may take time off to get married or have kids, would you really want to work with those types of people anyway?”
Three months ago, I would have puffed my chest out and said eff that, I would NOT work in that sort of environment. Now, I certainly would, lol! I turned down some very good opportunities know that it is a risk that something else would not come along, and I’m feeling the pressure and the consequences now. No decided to not play that game is a real luxury. If wearing an engagement ring makes me look like I’m unreliable, even though I disagree with that line of thinking, I’m going to go along with it.
Member@madelise: I will be interviewing ring-free. Academia is brutal for women in general, and worse for moms. The last thing I want my interviewer to think is that family is on my mind. I have never run into anyone who says that marriage/family is anything but a professional liability for women.
Fiance presents himself as married/partnered. It’s definitely a boost for men, who are seen as more desirable, more stable, more responsible, etc.
MemberI would wear the wedding band, but no engagement ring. I’ve heard conversations, both among HR people and sales people where they judge the woman based on the ring, as in “Did you see her giant ring, clearly she doesn’t ‘need’ to make $75k, let’s offer $65k”. If you haven’t gotten married yet but are engaged, I would still just wear a wedding band looking ring instead of the e-ring.
Good luck!
MemberOne other totally bullshit but possible assumption they might make about you if you are wearing an engagement ring of whatever size, but no wedding band, is that you’ll be more absorbed in wedding planning than in your work, or that maybe you’ll lose interest in your work after the wedding. They might also assume that you’ll be interested in having kids, and taking maternity leave or otherwise let your work suffer, shortly after the wedding.
These are totally bullshit and completely offensive assumptions to me, but if I were looking for a job, I wouldn’t give them any excuse to think any of that about me. I wouldn’t wear any engagement ring without a wedding ring to job interviews.
HostessI hadn’t thought of this! Part of me thinks: “Hey they don’t need this job, obviously” (if its a huge stone), and then the other part of me thinks: “Damn they must work really hard to be able to afford that!”
If it’s a gemstone, I don’t know what to think. 🙂 I think “prettttyyy!!!!”
Member@letigre: I agree, our career advisor told us to take them off as well. I wasn’t engaged during articling week, but when working as an associate at BigLaw in a major city, there was chatter about the martial status of students and SCANDAL when some later revealed they were married/ engaged/ starting families. The big firms seem to see single women as more likely to hit higher targets than married/ mothers.
Member@MrsNewDay: Isn’t the “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” for EVERYTHING for women? Jesus. 🙁 It’s ridiculous. How much makeup we wear to an interview, what type of outfit, etc. It’s frustrating!
@jdhall89: I hate that double standard for men. But I guess they never wear 2ct+ diamonds on their fingers now, do they? 😛
@KH: Haha! What a funny thought process. I would think they might feel they’d have to offer MORE because of it because she’s “used to” a certain lifestyle, no? Or has previously made more money?
In a perfect world, I agree with the whole “why would I WANT to work for someone that judgmental?!” but I feel like, there are always hundreds of applicants per spot nowaday. It’s competitive. And people HAVE to be judgmental bc otherwise, all those hundreds of applicants are all 100% the same, all dedicated, all need the money, all can learn the job well, etc. And most times, you can’t help judgments. They sort of just exist. And I swear.. bling for women is like cleavage for men. It doesn’t matter how small it is, or how much you cover it up.. it exists and we can see it!!! :X Or is that just me cus I’m bling obsessed?!
Member@FreckledFox: haha ok so I’m not alone, you’re like me!! Which enforces my point that it steals attention away from the interview at hand :X
Member@Caddyshack: Dang.. interesting views into the world of law. I’m very glad I’m not in that type of setting 🙁 Seems so anti-woman.
Member@jdhall89: You have been counseled properly–I would always advise interviewing without a ring and dodging questions about your marital status if possible, because not only do you have to deal with the normal concerns about “will she take maternity leave?” but you also have to deal with the speculation “is she part of a dual academic couple where her husband will want a job too?” It’s a vile necessity, but you’re good to be smart.
MemberInteresting. I can see both sides to the argument… like I have heard that if a woman comes in with a large ring, some employers will think “well her husband is clearly well off so she doesn’t need the job”. I think that’s silly, though. If someone actually thought that then I would not want the job!
Honestly I’d probably just wear my ring and hope for the best. The types of jobs I’d interview for are higher paying office jobs… not something where I am working with at risk people or non-profits or anything.
Hostess@madelise: Actually if it’s a male interviewer, I think it’s not as important.. Women think a lot more about that sort of thing! Or the male will say, “Darn, she’s off limits”.. JOKING!
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