- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2021
I was hoping to hear from actual people about their ring budgets. I’m between jobs in that awkward stage of trying to get my career started and his budgeting could be better (but he welcomes my input and advice, bless him) so I really don’t feel comfortable with spending oodles of money that could go to more important things. I’ve heard of the 3 month thing and the 1 month thing, but even a single month’s salary would be thousands of dollars for someone and that still just doesn’t feel okay to me! I’m thinking more like $250-650, though we are waiting until he get back to start looking around. I’m a fairly frugal and reasonable person (he says I’m a cheapskate and he loves it but it’s more like growing up without allowance and being broke all through college made an impression on me). He doesn’t earn much as he technically didn’t have his degree upon joining the military (though he got it shortly after) and we are still discussing his future (military full 20 years? Green to Gold? OCS? Civil Affairs? Get out and pursue something else?) and I feel that it’s so silly that the man is expected to pay for SO much even though women have striven to be equal (not to mention we both have student loans!). Always felt a bit hypocritical to me. I believe in fully discussing budgets and while I let him spend more for traveling, I make sure the smaller purchases (groceries, eating out, movies, daytrips) are even or even heavier on my side. Anyway, back to rings! So I mentioned what I find reasonable (though of course I will hear his take on that in a few months) and I was wondering what you guys did. Did you discuss the budget/expectations for the ring? Did you help pick it out? Did you contribute any money towards it? Did you know he wanted to propose? Did you feel disappointed in any way with what he spent, whether it was too much or too little? Luckily I’m fine with daintier rings (as long as it’s not so tiny you have to hunt for the stone) as I’ve got slim little fingers – already having fun just learning about the frustrations of finding a size 4.5! Especially with so many rings being ‘online only’ without a chance to see them in person or try them on. I don’t want something bulky or that sticks up crazy tall. I’ve got my eye on a simple James Avery silver band that would be great for field work or traveling, but I still love the idea of a pretty engagement ring and even a bridal set.
I know some people may consider discussing prices to be a bit tacky and inappropriate, but I’m someone who wants to be involved in budgeting (heck, he wants me to be the one who balances the checkbook when we’re married) and be able to speak up with the financial decisions we make. I consider an engagement ring to be a big purchase and while I wouldn’t put an exact number on it, I plan to discuss a range we both agree on so that we are both happy.
I see the ring as important and an exciting symbol of the next chapter in our lives, the commitment he is making and that he hopes we will seal the deal in the future. HOWEVER, I have never been that ‘waiting for a ring’ sort of person and I don’t like to place TOO much importance on what is ultimately a piece of jewelry. I’m trying to find the balance between loving it (I do want something pretty!!) and being reasonable about our finances and what is REALLY important.
I’ve poked around some and I’m still trying to get an idea of what is reasonable for what prices so that I can balance what appeals to me with what our budget will be. I don’t know yet if he just wants ideas or wants me to basically point to the one I want. He DOES have opinions on things and I want to allow him some room to also give input, but I don’t think I trust his taste to give him full rein, haha. For example, I don’t like solitaire rings because I feel they stick up so far! I’d worry about it getting in the way or catching on things. But neither do I want a really wide band because my fingers are skinny and I feel it’d look weird.
And I’m open to a used ring. It doesn’t really bother me that a used ring is typically sold after the relationship doesn’t work out. I don’t believe in ‘bad juju’ in that sense since it’s just an object and IF in some way the ring actually played a part in their demise, then of course it wasn’t the ring’s fault. I’m hesitant though because there is not the same level of trust, insurance, free resizing, etc. If something happens to it, that’s on us to take it somewhere and pay.
Anyway, wanted to make a discussion thread for rings – what you guys discussed, what wasn’t discussed, your level of involvement, whether you put any money towards the ring, whether it was picked out before or after the proposal, how you rationed the ring budget, who picked it out, your opinion on buying used rings, etc.
Pictures also welcome!