(Closed) Robes Not Considered A Gift??? Explanation Needed!

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 76
Member
1754 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Definitely eliminate the earrings. I don’t know if anyone noticed, but OP said in a comment to a PP that she wants to pay for the Rent the Runway cost of renting the earrings. Totally not a gift and honestly seems like such a waste of money. As long as they aren’t crazy earrings like shoulder-length feathers, no one will care or notice what the BMs’ earrings look like. And if they don’t even get to keep them, that definitely isn’t a gift. 

Post # 77
Member
533 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

View original reply
lwansley1016:  I’ve been in a few weddings and in one we got Hanky Panky thongs as a gift, and more recently I got a robe at my sister’s wedding. Not that I really care tbh. I still use the robe once in awhile and it’s comfy to wear so I don’t mind it at all. 

For my BMs, I’ve paid for their dresses, and will be paying for hair and makeup so that works out to be just over $300 per person. Still wondering about what to about robes as well but I’ll probably do what I want and write them a nice thank you card. 

Frankly the tradition of getting Bridesmaid or Best Man gifts is really new to me, and at times quite unnecessary.

IMO, my girls will remember the wedding with or without some gift bags together that they may or may not donate later. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by  windowlulu.
Post # 78
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

The robes seem nice. But then again, where I am from we do not expect gifts from the couple at all. So anything that comes as a token sounds nice…. exept maybe, I would eliminate the picture of the couple. Its cute, but i would never put up/want to constantly look at a framed pic of my friends, In My Humble Opinion. 

Post # 79
Member
1685 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Do what you want! Are you really going to go by what a bunch of strangers on the internet tell you?? 

And you know your girls the best. If I mentioned etiquette and what is “proper” to mine they’d say something along the lines of “bitch please, I just want to party with you on your special day!”

 

True story. 

I’m getting my BMs different stuff. Some will be for wedding and some stuff wont. I’m not going to keep track of how many each category has or how much each costs. I’m getting stuff for them that they’ll enjoy because I want to make them feel special since they’re special to me. 

Post # 80
Member
11533 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Gifts are wonderful to receive. However, gifts are not required.

There are numerous threads on Weddingbee that are filled with comments from bees who are quick to point out that couples should not ever *expect* gifts from their guests, even though it is customary for guests to give gifts.

Likewise, although it may be customary for couples to give gifts to the members of their bridal party, I don’t think bridal party members should be expecting to receive non-wedding related gifts from the couples in whose weddings they are participating. It’s lovely if the couples give the bridal party gifts. But for members of the bridal party to turn up their noses at receiving “wedding props” or at otherwise not receiving a gift they perceive to be worthy of their time and expense for being in the wedding, is inappropriate.

Post # 81
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

View original reply
Brielle:  Well said!  People can just be so ungrateful and entitled.

Post # 83
Member
4250 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY

View original reply
lwansley1016:  I think with all of the other things you intend to give them, you should be just fine! 

And I may be in the minority here, but I love robes and wear them often, so if it were a cute one, I’d totally hang onto it! lol Best of luck and happy planning 🙂

Post # 84
Member
2097 posts
Buzzing bee

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lwansley1016:  In the end it doesn’t matter if it’s a gift or not. Gifts aren’t mandatory, they are what you want to do. So if what you want to do is spend $125 on girls and part of that is the monogrammed robe, cool beans. The $25 gift card and the framed pic and handwritten card round out the package. Whether the robes count as a gift comes down to semantics. I’d be happy with that “gift”. 

Post # 85
Member
1600 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I don’t think it matters to anyone else. Everyone gives what they want to their bridesmaids, and what they can afford. I did get my maids robes, but not necessarily to wear as a prop. I got them cozy bath robes with their monogram that they could wear to get their hair and make up done and not worry about getting a shirt over their hair afterward. My friends loved the robes! I did also get them a pearl necklace which they all happened to wear with their dresses the day of my wedding by choice.. not made too. 

Post # 86
Member
49 posts
Newbee

to be honest.. I have three robes, 2 of them silky and hence are never worn beacuse they NEVER stay closed. I only wear the ugly terry cloth robe lol.

I would be bummed to receive a robe only as a gift, especially if its a prop for photos. 

I also have a friend who attended a cross country wedding (the couple decided to have the wedding in a completely random city away from all their family and friends, but everyone had to go out there anyway)… so after dropping $2000 JUST on the wedding weekend alone, my friends only gift was a robe (of which she already had a few). She didn’t want to seem ungrateful when she explained it to me, and she described it as beautiful etc… but I could tell she thought the bride didnt really put much thought into it, she just hopped on the robe bandwagon, used it as a photo prop, and let them keep it as a convenient gift.. imho….

Post # 87
Member
747 posts
Busy bee

Whatever, I’d love to get a robe as a gift!  Especially one of those comfy waffle robes.  Get them a little something personalized to their taste along with the robe and call it a day. 

Post # 88
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

View original reply
lwansley1016:  I just wanted to say that you know your girls best. While we all may have differing opinions on what we would want or gift, it’s really all about what your girls that you know and love would appreciate.

Just to throw in another opinion, if I were your bridesmaid, I would think that you are being super generous and thoughtful. I love robes and always pay for my own hair/makeup so that would be a treat itself.

Post # 89
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

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rosegoldcoloredglasses:  I feel this exact same way. Everyone has different opinions and while some hate the robes, I’d love one. And buying something just for them? I don’t know what they like… favorite foods or colors or wines or whatnots. We’ve never given gifts… but others know those things about their girls. 

Post # 90
Member
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Honestly, if all a bridesmaid is supposed to do is wear a particular dress and stand next to you for the ceremony, why is that deserving of an elaborate gift in the first place? I’m probably going to give my girls a thank you letter and a nice necklace that matches their personalities. Don’t overthink this; the gifts you’ve got picked out are really nice, and I’m sure your girls will appreciate that you’re paying for the earrings and other little wedding-day things that they won’t have to deal with.

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