(Closed) ROCK<VANILLA FROSTING>HARD PLACE

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

If your parents are broke and can’t help you pay for the wedding anyway, then I don’t know why you’re so worried about their opinion on the venue.  You and your Fiance are going to have to pick up the bill, so go with the venue that you both love and can afford.  🙂

Post # 4
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

honestly i had a similar problem with my wedding – my mom is unemployed and my dad supports them both working full time. i make good money as does FH – they insisted on paying for everything…

so instead of arguing with them, i let them pay for the food. thats it. I would ask their opinion on other stuff, i let them know the photographer, videographer, dresses, etc, but after my FH and I have made payments and its taken care of. we made it so they couldnt pay for anything since it was all like going thru us.

it was the only way to make them feel like they were contributing but still get what i wanted.

if you can afford it, pay stuff towards it, and tell your venue to tell them its less. lol worked for me.

i know its stressful – the money issue always is.

Post # 5
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Oh, dear.

Given your parents’ current financial situation, I think the best thing would be to take a step back and reconsider the size and shape of the wedding.  A lot has clearly changed since the initial conversation about budgets, and it seems as though, no matter how much they might want to, your parents just aren’t in a position to host the kind of party you guys were initially envisioning.

As you say, you are an adult and it’s your wedding.  You’re not obligated to take their money just because they don’t want to face reality.  If they insist on giving you an ultimatum (“Either we pay for everything or we won’t pay for anything!”) I suggest you and Fiance throw your own shindig.

 

Post # 7
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Holy crap, that letter is like an anger explosion!!!  I’m sorry, but your mom sounds like she is TWEAKING out!

Can you and your Fiance afford to have the wedding you want without the help of your parents??  If so, then I’d advise you to do just that!  You mom obviously doesn’t seem to care what you want, so you shouldn’t care what she wants if you can afford not to use her money!

Post # 8
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

That is sooo mean of your mother to treat you that way, when she gave you an orginial estimate that could fit this wedding into your budget.

If it is your dream location, and you can find a way to make it work, do it.  So your parent’s can’t give you 30K, can they give you 5K?  How much is this place?

You could totally scale back on florals, decor & get lots of ideas here about how to fancy the place up for cheap.

Does this place include catering? Booze?

Post # 9
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Also, start chopping away at mom’s guest list.. cut down the size of the wedding in general, make cupcakes, programs, jewelry.. you could make it happen.

Post # 10
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@Adira:I agree!

Can you and your Fiance afford the wedding? Do it on your on! Make your own guest list with only people you want.

If you are paying no one can tell you who to invite what to wear what to do about anything!

Post # 10
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ok, I think the real drama here is between your parents and their bank account.

It sounds like your mom is SUPER SUPER stressed about finances right now, is probably hugely hurt and embarassed that they promised a big wedding (and everyone got excited) and now have to take back what they said.

That is a huge blow to their ego, self esteem and are probably stressing out about alot of other things in addition to their daughter’s wedding.

I would be a bit more patient and compassionate with your mom. Her email sounds like she is just completely FREAKED out and maybe sees your reaction as sounding a bit spoiled/selfish (in her eyes).

If you and your Fiance can afford Dream Venue, tell her that, and then book it yourselves.

 

Her email is kinda crazy, but IMO, she sounds incredibly sad and hurt under her anger. Just be gentle, she is your mom.

Post # 11
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2006

I also agree that one of the biggest questions here is can you and your Fiance afford to pay for your wedding without your parents’ assistance?  If you can, then calmly explain to your mother that you are going to be paying for it yourself.  From her reaction it seems as though she thinks that you and your Fiance won’t be contributing to the wedding.  Create your own budget based on your finances, give her some time to cool off and continue planning the wedding without her.  Hopefully she will calm down a bit.  I

Post # 12
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@vanilla frosting: I’m so so sorry you’re going through this. I totally understand the anxiety because I’ve been there. If you and Fiance can afford to pay then go get your dream venue and be prepared to do it on your own. This is what we did and I’m so glad we didn’t try to compromise.

Tell her that this is a decision you and Fiance have made together, that you love her and hate to see her stressed and that you only wnat for her to have the best time at her daughter’s wedding.

Please don’t feel as if you’re selfish, you are not obligated to buy from anyone or go for anything you don’t want simply because you used a person’s time. Over using the time yes, but no one is expecting you to make an expensive purchase without thinking things through.

Once you take that first step to owning your wedding she’ll hopefully back off and setlle down into enjoying it without dealing with the stresses of money. And because you’re paying for it, you can cut your guestlist.

Post # 13
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@vanilla frosting: I’m so so sorry you’re going through this. I totally understand the anxiety because I’ve been there. If you and Fiance can afford to pay then go get your dream venue and be prepared to do it on your own. This is what we did and I’m so glad we didn’t try to compromise.

Tell her that this is a decision you and Fiance have made together, that you love her and hate to see her stressed and that you only wnat for her to have the best time at her daughter’s wedding.

Please don’t feel as if you’re selfish, you are not obligated to buy from anyone or go for anything you don’t want simply because you used a person’s time. Over using the time yes, but no one is expecting you to make an expensive purchase without thinking things through.

Once you take that first step to owning your wedding she’ll hopefully back off and setlle down into enjoying it without dealing with the stresses of money. And because you’re paying for it, you can cut your guestlist.

Post # 13
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@vanilla frosting: I’m so so sorry you’re going through this. I totally understand the anxiety because I’ve been there. If you and Fiance can afford to pay then go get your dream venue and be prepared to do it on your own. This is what we did and I’m so glad we didn’t try to compromise.

Tell her that this is a decision you and Fiance have made together, that you love her and hate to see her stressed and that you only wnat for her to have the best time at her daughter’s wedding.

Please don’t feel as if you’re selfish, you are not obligated to buy from anyone or go for anything you don’t want simply because you used a person’s time. Over using the time yes, but no one is expecting you to make an expensive purchase without thinking things through.

Once you take that first step to owning your wedding she’ll hopefully back off and setlle down into enjoying it without dealing with the stresses of money. And because you’re paying for it, you can cut your guestlist.

Post # 14
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@vanilla…I think it’s time for you and your Fiance to let your parents  know that you will be paying for, and planning your wedding by yourselves. Your mom was not cool in the things that she said, but you can take the control back by paying for everything yourself. They can’t afford it, but if you can, there’s absolutely no reason why you can’t have the wedding that you want.

If that means scaling down on the guest list…start with your parents list first Laughing

The topic ‘ROCK<VANILLA FROSTING>HARD PLACE’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors