Post # 1
Okay, I ended up picking all family for my BMs to avoid hurting any feelings. However, one of my dearest friends has REALLY been helping me out during this whole process. She had been going to all the dress apointments, she came to the florist, she texts me ideas constantly, she looks thigns up in magazines and online and shares them with me. You get the idea. I didn’t ask anything of my BMs because I figured if they wanted to help out they could, if not, it isn’t ‘required’. However, I feel like this friend has been 100x more a Bridesmaid or Best Man than my BMs.
So, without making her a Bridesmaid or Best Man (numbers would be off and Fiance would be upset by that) what are some roles I could give her to have her be a part of the wedding? A reading? The Guestbook? Anything?
Did you guys have any friends who you regretted not asking and wanted to give roles? What were they?
Post # 3
Are you doing any readings? I think that would be a lovely way to honor her, without giving her more ‘work’ (like guestbook, greeting, etc.)
The other thing you could do is ask if she would be with you when you get ready the day of. I know if a close friend got married and I wasn’t a Bridesmaid or Best Man, but I cared enough to be helping out as much, it would be fun to hang with her during the day of and share the excitement of the wedding day in such a personal way.
Post # 4
This is exactly why we have “Personal Attendants” in my area. The person you described above is exactly what this person does – helps out with little details of the wedding, gives input, etc. They also are included in pre-wedding pampering and are with you before the wedding getting ready. To honor them, they are given a corsage and gift (similar to the Bridesmaid or Best Man gifts) and are included in the program.
From this website, I’ve learned that a lot of people have never heard of a personal attendant. Here (in Iowa), I’ve never known of a wedding NOT to have one (or two).
Post # 5
@milesbella:wow! I’ve never heard of this! I wish we had those in NC, because that sounds perfect!
I have asked her to be there the day of, as well as spend the night in my hotel room with me the night before (we are partying it up with the BMs!)
We may her do a reading. I don’t know, we are already having my cousin and her mom (both professional opera singers) sing a song, so I don’t want tooo much from “my” side doing stuff in teh ceremony. Maybe I”m overthinking it. hrm
Post # 6
Are you making a speech/giving a toast? Thank you specifically in front of all of your guests! Also make sure your photographer gets a good photo of the two of you– you can enclose it with her thank you card after the wedding and thank her for both her gift, and the best gift anyone could give you, which was so much support before the wedding.
Post # 7
Exactly what milesbella said a personal attendant.
Post # 8
We only had 2 bridesmaids/groomsmen each and had other close friends do the following:
- Act as hostess/usher
- Hostess greeted guests at the door, took coats and gave out programs
- Ushers walked guests down the aisle to seats & lit candles at beginning of procession
- Lead The Lord’s Prayer at the beginning fo the ceremony
- Sing a selection during the ceremony
- Perform a reading during ceremony
- Have their children be the flowergirl/ringbearer/crier/broombearer, etc.
- We seated specific people in the end seats of the pews toward the center aisle and gave them candles to be held for the candlelit processional (lit by the ushers)
- We had “cocktail hours hosts/hostesses” who were asked to circulate during cocktail hour and visit with guests from the other family (my hosts & hostesses mingled with Hubby’s family & his with mine) to break the ice and get people socializing.
- Have them say the blessing before the meal
- Have the DJ do a “special dance” for all of the people who helped with the wedding from sealing envelopes to assembling favors, running errands, dress & tux shopping, etc.
There are plenty of ways to acknowledge and include people!
Ooh, and I really like the “personal attendant” position. I’m on the east coast and have never heard of that before.
Post # 9
I hear you… Im only using siblings also to avoid having to choose between friends or having an unamnagable bridal party. I am having 2, my sister and my FI’s sister.
I feel a little guilty not asking my good GFs, but I dont think I want 7 bridesmaids either. (Too expensive, too much trouble)I also think it would have been more fun to have more people… I found myself explaining to each my close GFs that I decided to keep it small to not offend anyone….
as a result, I feel a little overhwlemed b/c I dont want to burden my bridemaids (who are both married and trying to get pregnant or already have kids) I know I will eventually have to ask some of my non-bridemaid friends for help.
I need to ask someone to be my day of coordinator just to make sure things go smoothly. You can also ask friends to be ushers, greeters, to sing a song or be a “cincierge” for out of town guests… I’m planning to honor my “helpers” by acknowledging them in my prgram and giving them a gift.
Post # 10
@strawberrybanana: Personally, I wouldn’t do anything.
I very much dislike the B list jobs like guest book attendant, personal assistant, etc.
Just enjoy her help, without really mentioning any “honours,” simply because she is an interested friend, You could make a special mention of her in a toast at the reception; you could give her a corsage to wear or honour her in some other way.
Post # 11
I love the Personal Attendent idea. I asked a friend who is in her mid 40s, married with children who was not comfortable being a bridesmaid. This role will be great for her since I want her next to me but she is just not comfortable in the spotlight.
Post # 12
Mine is doing a lot of the decorating and is going to the “go to” girl that day and the night before. She is going to run to the stores (if needed), set up the venue, and make sure we are all well taken care of. She is so excited to do that.
Post # 13
I have a close friend who I couldn’t fit in as a bridesmaid, plus she told me up front she couldn’t afford it… I made her a hostess, she’ll pass out bubbles and programs with the usher and sit at the head table and everything