Post # 1
Lately I’ve been having a lot of ups and downs. Damn this waiting!! *shakes fist*. The waiting process has been so difficult because I’ve been through a lot in the past, and my parents (and family) just want to see me truly happy for once (I’m happy, but I know I’m not as happy as I can be or HAVE been). On top of all the stress of waiting, worrying, crying, insecurities, etc., my parents tell me that they worry about me so much, and that my dad has cried for me once or twice (he’s a tough guy too). I can’t handle it when my dad cries… It kills me. So on top of the waiting, I’m worried about my parents worrying so much about me. It’s natural for them, obviously, but it just adds to the burden. You know?
I think J and I have made a wee bit of progress though: On Monday night we were sitting on the couch and he asked to use my laptop to pay some bills. I happened to glance over at the screen and noticed that he paid off about $1000 from his credit line over the past two months. I was really scared that he wasn’t being truthful with me a while ago when he said: “I didn’t pay off as much as I would have liked to”. At least now I have some confirmation that he’s really trying hard and it makes me feel a little better.
I trust him completely, but because of things that happened in my past it takes A LOT to gain my trust and be able to rely on someone. The $1000 that he paid off isn’t really that much, but it’s confirmation that things are in progress. We haven’t been talking about marriage, etc. since I told him to stop with all the talk (well, he brings it up occasionally, but I just smile and nod). But how do I tell him that I don’t want him spending over $3000 on a ring? When is the right time, without just blurting it out? I don’t want him going over board with the cost. He knows that I’m not really a big jewelryaccessories type of person, so hopefully he takes that into consideration. I don’t want anything too extravagant. He knows they style I want though. I think the most expensive piece of jewelry I own is the $33 silver ring I wear on my thumb, lol.
Post # 3
I kinda jumped right into the “what kind of ring” conversation. We had been discussin things marriage related (and serious), and then when that discussion seemed somewhat resolved, I kind of blurted “so I didn’t know how to bring this up, but, I don’t want a diamond”. Probably due to the juxtaposition between our previous conversation and that statement, (then) Boyfriend or Best Friend laughed until he cried. And then after a day of thought, decided that instead of surprising me with a ring, we should go shopping together to make sure I am happy with it. It worked, and once the topic was initially brought up, it was easy to talk about.
Post # 4
@arclee: Haha, that made me chuckle! How funny!
Gwen von D: I wouldn’t worry too much about talking to him about the kind or amount of your ring. The right time will present itself. How wonderful that he is starting to progress forward though. Steps in the right direction! 🙂
Post # 5
@arclee:I remember when I told SO I didn’t want a diamond! He looked at me like I had three heads and he said, “Aren’t diamonds…like required or something with you women?” lol
Post # 6
@CallMeCranky: The reason why I feel like I should tell him is because apparently he spoke to our common friend a few months ago about rings. This common friend of ours is married now, but the engagement ring he gave is wife cost A LOT of money… I’m talkin’ like… Close to $8000 or more (she likes expensive things and wno’t settle for less). I just don’t want J to get the wrong idea of what he should be paying, you know? Everyone is different and can afford different things, but I don’t want him thinking that he has to pay $8000 for a ring. Heck, I’d be happy with a 25cent vending machine ring (you know those cute ones that come in the clear bubble? lol) and then just upgrade later. But J wants to be able to give me what I deserve.
I’ll keep my lips sealed for now. But if he brings up marriage again, then I’ll have to say something.
Post # 7
@Miss Tattoo: lol.
I’m trying not to bring anyhting up, but DO have a legitimate trip to a jewelry store to ahve some items repaired (a necklace he got me and an old glass-set bracelet that is one of the only things I have from my mom’s mother), and am hoping he’d be willing to go with me, or that he might ahve the idea of me + jewelry in the forefront of his mind – but he thinks it’s poor taste to take the woman with you to find the ring, that is should be a complete surprise, but I don’t think he even knows my size, or understands that while I won’t say “No” to a diamond, I’d almost rather save money with my cheaper birthstone and would rather have a bridal set of sorts (is it wrong to have a prefernce?). I have no “nice” jewelry, either – pretty much just some sterling silver/glass stuff and some mood rings from a trip to the beach a few years back – I think that’d be kinda silly for him to take as a size refernce.
Post # 8
If the topic comes up about engagement/marriage/rings, you can tell him how you feel. Feel him out about upgrading in the future. . .some guys might not like the idea, but other guys are for it since it means being able to purchase something more economical now.
Personally, I would never want my SO to finance my ring. Him being able to comfortably afford my ring is important to me, and since weddings can definitely be costly, I wouldn’t want him to have the added worry of being able to pay off the ring.
If you look around, you can definitely find a very nice ring with a $3,000 budget. Maybe you could do a little searching so if the topic comes up, you can show him things you like at a price point you’d be comfortable with. I would find it difficult to come out and say “I don’t want you to spend more than X amount of dollars on my ring”, but I’d be ok saying, “I think spending $8000 like X did is absurd, and it’s not even something that would interest me. I’ve seen some great rings for $X that I would be more than thrilled to have as long as it came from you. Of course I’d marry you with a piece of dental floss around my finger. . .I know how much you love me, and that’s the most important thing to me.”
I’m totally sappy, but that’s how I feel about my SO, and that’s what I would say to him if we were in your shoes. Afterall, once we’re married our finances will be combined, and I don’t want the debt of a ring hanging over our heads. . .or knowing that he spent money that we could have/should have/would have spent on something else!