(Closed) Roller Coaster

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I kinda jumped right into the “what kind of ring” conversation.  We had been discussin things marriage related (and serious), and then when that discussion seemed somewhat resolved, I kind of blurted “so I didn’t know how to bring this up, but, I don’t want a diamond”.  Probably due to the juxtaposition between our previous conversation and that statement, (then) Boyfriend or Best Friend laughed until he cried.  And then after a day of thought, decided that instead of surprising me with a ring, we should go shopping together to make sure I am happy with it.  It worked, and once the topic was initially brought up, it was easy to talk about.

Post # 4
20 posts

@arclee: Haha, that made me chuckle!  How funny!

Gwen von D: I wouldn’t worry too much about talking to him about the kind or amount of your ring.  The right time will present itself.  How wonderful that he is starting to progress forward though.  Steps in the right direction! 🙂

Post # 5
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@arclee:I remember when I told SO I didn’t want a diamond! He looked at me like I had three heads and he said, “Aren’t diamonds…like required or something with you women?” lol

Post # 7
1730 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@Miss Tattoo: lol.

I’m trying not to bring anyhting up, but DO have a legitimate trip to a jewelry store to ahve some items repaired (a necklace he got me and an old glass-set bracelet that is one of the only things I have from my mom’s mother), and am hoping he’d be willing to go with me, or that he might ahve the idea of me + jewelry in the forefront of his mind – but he thinks it’s poor taste to take the woman with you to find the ring, that is should be a complete surprise, but I don’t think he even knows my size, or understands that while I won’t say “No” to a diamond, I’d almost rather save money with my cheaper birthstone and would rather have a bridal set of sorts (is it wrong to have a prefernce?).  I have no “nice” jewelry, either  – pretty much just some sterling silver/glass stuff and some mood rings from a trip to the beach a few years back – I think that’d be kinda silly for him to take as a size refernce. 

Post # 8
1088 posts
Bumble bee

If the topic comes up about engagement/marriage/rings, you can tell him how you feel.  Feel him out about upgrading in the future. . .some guys might not like the idea, but other guys are for it since it means being able to purchase something more economical now. 

Personally, I would never want my SO to finance my ring.  Him being able to comfortably afford my ring is important to me, and since weddings can definitely be costly, I wouldn’t want him to have the added worry of being able to pay off the ring. 

If you look around, you can definitely find a very nice ring with a $3,000 budget.  Maybe you could do a little searching so if the topic comes up, you can show him things you like at a price point you’d be comfortable with.  I would find it difficult to come out and say “I don’t want you to spend more than X amount of dollars on my ring”, but I’d be ok saying, “I think spending $8000 like X did is absurd, and it’s not even something that would interest me.  I’ve seen some great rings for $X that I would be more than thrilled to have as long as it came from you.  Of course I’d marry you with a piece of dental floss around my finger. . .I know how much you love me, and that’s the most important thing to me.”

I’m totally sappy, but that’s how I feel about my SO, and that’s what I would say to him if we were in your shoes.  Afterall, once we’re married our finances will be combined, and I don’t want the debt of a ring hanging over our heads. . .or knowing that he spent money that we could have/should have/would have spent on something else!


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