(Closed) Rookie Mistake w/ MOB+FMIL! Help Please!!! (small rant)

posted 7 years ago in Family
  • poll: What should I do?!!!
    Tell my mom to get over it and have the FMIL at the appointment : (31 votes)
    100 %
    Find a way to dis-invite the FMIL : (0 votes)
    Other : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1474 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)

    Well, there’s a pretty big chance you’ll need more than one appointment to find your dress. Maybe tell your mom that your Future Mother-In-Law is invited to one of the early “just looking” appointments, but once you’re more serious and close to finding a dress, it will just be you and your mom? If you really want your Future Mother-In-Law at all the appointments, that’s another issue. But I can understand your mom wanting to share this special time with just you. She may also want to be sure you’re not too distracted by a lot of opinions when you go dress shopping.

    Good luck!

    Post # 4
    Member
    46336 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would just tell my Mom that “sorry, it’s too late, I already invited her. I need to ensure that I have a good relationship with my FMIL”.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1297 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Your mother needs to deal with it…

    Post # 6
    Member
    5118 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @parasol: I agree. 

    You’ll likely go a few times, so maybe ask your mom if she’d like Future Mother-In-Law along for an ealry trip or one of the decision ones. I was in the same boat, but then I found my dress on a random day without EITHER of them ever coming along with me, so you’re still a nicer daughter/in-law than I am ๐Ÿ™‚

    One thing, though, is to decide how you’ll want to run this show, and then set that out to both (but in this case, especially your mother). My own ma got a little bit of the crazy at first, telling me ‘don’t let anyone tell you what to do/make your choices/etc’ and then in the same breath letting me know that she sure planned to do x/y/z. You have to nip it in the bud early, and save yourself the stress later on.

    Post # 7
    Member
    300 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2013 - Colonial Country Club, Ft. Myers, FL

    I don’t think there’s anything wrong with inviting the Future Mother-In-Law, its a really nice gesture and a lot of people do it. Your mom sounds a teensy bit jealous, which is understandable, but she is going to have to get over it. What’s important is having the people who mean the most to YOU at your appt.

    Besides, you may end up going to several different places to find a dress, which you can’t accomplish all in one day. I’m sure it will be difficult for you mother to drive 5 hours every time you have a dress appt.

    Post # 8
    Member
    3866 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @jules24chi: sounds like your mom is jealous of your Future Mother-In-Law.  

    Personally, I’d just tell your mom to get over herself.  It’s YOUR wedding and your choice who you take.

    Me, I didn’t take either my mom or my Future Mother-In-Law.  It was me and my Maid/Matron of Honor on a weekend out together.  (Our weekend consisted of Hobby Lobby, David’s Bridal, window shopping at the mall, lunch at the Cheesecake Factory, Barnes & Noble, and a movie.  WAS AWESOME!!!)

    Erm… but I ended up ordering mine online with my Fiance helping to pick it, anyway, so it was a win-win for me, my Maid/Matron of Honor (who I love dearly) and still got to exclude the parents. ๐Ÿ™‚  I’m such a bad daughter, lol.

    Post # 9
    Member
    5886 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Depends on how reasonable your Mom is most of the time. If you think she has the ability to, tell her to suck it up and be nice. If you think she doesn’t have the ability to be reasonable, go separately–go first with your Mom and sister. Then go back with (for a 2nd opinion) or to a different place with Future Mother-In-Law.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1686 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Wow, jealous much?

    I definitely think you should take this opportunity to nip your mom’s behavior in the bud and let her know that you like your Future Mother-In-Law and you aren’t going to exclude her or listen to people badmouth her, and that you expect all the women in your family and future family to treat each other with courtesy and respect.

    It doesn’t sound like you and your mom are that close, and maybe she’s feeling it now, but you can’t let her sabotage your relationship with your Future Mother-In-Law either. Maybe try to do something else one on one with your mom?

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    154 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I don’t think you made a mistake at all. Your mom should understand that she is now your family also, and she see’s you as a daughter which is good! I think it sounds great the relationship you have with your Future Mother-In-Law.

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