(Closed) Rookie Step-mom mistakes…..

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
4429 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@speechgal44:  yes lol i am ok with my FH ex wife but he hates her lol so i dont know what to do. im nervous about us moving in together im excited he has 2 boys 8,5 and i have one hes 10 and has been an olny spoiled child. so well get thro it but i hope to God that everybody gets along

Post # 4
46613 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Not to worry- biological parents make mistakes too.


Post # 5
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I have 2 daughters (8 & 9 years old0 and am getting re-married.  Their biological father is not a part of their life, so that actually makes the situation easier.  It is a tough spot that you are in.  Everyone’s situation is different.  I try to support my fiance & his relationship with the girls.  He loves them like his own (this is his first marriage and his only kids).  I also talk to my girls, one-on-one, frequently to see how they are feeling about everything.  It’s important to recognize that change is hard for kids.  Even if they are excited for what is to come, it can still create anxiety.  I am sure everything will work itself out.  It sounds like you really care, and that is what is truly important! Best of luck!

Post # 6
1094 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I feel ya, my Fiance has a 5 year old and it is hard trying to find and respect those boundries.  We’ve been together since she was 6 months old (FI wasn’t with his ex when she got pregnant, but tried to make it work and it just wasn’t meant to be) but it was after 2 years before I was even allowed to meet her.  Two years ago, we moved in togther and having her on weekends was definitely a reality check on top of getting used to living my Fiance.  Because Fiance only gets her once a week, he doesn’t want to ever go down hard on her or pester her to pick up her toys and stuff.  But my mum raised me to put one thing away before getting a new toy so I want to get these habits in her while she’s still young! So I sort of have a system where if I want to say something, at first I’ll wait for Fiance to say something and step in, and if he doesn’t, then I say something.  Because it’s my house too!  And she’s got to learn that while I’ll not her mum, I am an adult in the house that needs to be listened to.  

I know my rambly story didn’t really give any concrete advice, but the moral of the story is that there isn’t any one true way. All kids are different, and you really got to play it by ear, and communicate with your Fiance.  He should back anything you say to the kids (with in reason of course), but in regards to talking to the EX? That’s where I kinda agree w/ your Fiance.  Stay away from the ex, that usually leads to nothing but trouble and underminds your FI’s role as father. If you want to say something to the ex, give it to the Fiance to say.  

Post # 8
1281 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@speechgal44:  It’s not easy.  I’ve had plenty of boundary crossing episodes.  Try to think of yourself and your role as being like “the cool aunt”.  You’re always there to talk and give guidance, act as a good role model etc. 

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