Post # 1
So I’m trying to learn the ropes at this whole step-mom, 2nd wife blended family deal and I’ve stepped in it a few times this week. My Fiance was upset that I had conversations with his daughter and his ex-wife about a few things (that I thought were not a big deal) and ended up making these situations worse. I’m finding this whole situation a lot more challenging than I realized, and I’m starting to feel like maybe I can’t handle it. I apologized to my Fiance for overstepping my bounds and reminded him that I’m new at all this and I’m going to make mistakes. Anyone else out there having a hard time adjusting to your new role?
Post # 3
@speechgal44: yes lol i am ok with my FH ex wife but he hates her lol so i dont know what to do. im nervous about us moving in together im excited he has 2 boys 8,5 and i have one hes 10 and has been an olny spoiled child. so well get thro it but i hope to God that everybody gets along
Post # 4
Not to worry- biological parents make mistakes too.
Post # 5
I have 2 daughters (8 & 9 years old0 and am getting re-married. Their biological father is not a part of their life, so that actually makes the situation easier. It is a tough spot that you are in. Everyone’s situation is different. I try to support my fiance & his relationship with the girls. He loves them like his own (this is his first marriage and his only kids). I also talk to my girls, one-on-one, frequently to see how they are feeling about everything. It’s important to recognize that change is hard for kids. Even if they are excited for what is to come, it can still create anxiety. I am sure everything will work itself out. It sounds like you really care, and that is what is truly important! Best of luck!
Post # 6
I feel ya, my Fiance has a 5 year old and it is hard trying to find and respect those boundries. We’ve been together since she was 6 months old (FI wasn’t with his ex when she got pregnant, but tried to make it work and it just wasn’t meant to be) but it was after 2 years before I was even allowed to meet her. Two years ago, we moved in togther and having her on weekends was definitely a reality check on top of getting used to living my Fiance. Because Fiance only gets her once a week, he doesn’t want to ever go down hard on her or pester her to pick up her toys and stuff. But my mum raised me to put one thing away before getting a new toy so I want to get these habits in her while she’s still young! So I sort of have a system where if I want to say something, at first I’ll wait for Fiance to say something and step in, and if he doesn’t, then I say something. Because it’s my house too! And she’s got to learn that while I’ll not her mum, I am an adult in the house that needs to be listened to.
I know my rambly story didn’t really give any concrete advice, but the moral of the story is that there isn’t any one true way. All kids are different, and you really got to play it by ear, and communicate with your Fiance. He should back anything you say to the kids (with in reason of course), but in regards to talking to the EX? That’s where I kinda agree w/ your Fiance. Stay away from the ex, that usually leads to nothing but trouble and underminds your FI’s role as father. If you want to say something to the ex, give it to the Fiance to say.
Post # 7
Thanks for all the input! It’s just hard sometimes figuring out what my role is with his kids. They are older, so it’s not like I expect to be their best friend, I’m just hoping to have a cordial relationship with all of them. I also feel it’s important to be able to at least be civil to his ex-wife since she is going to be around for a while too! I guess it’s just a learning curve! 🙂
Post # 8
@speechgal44: It’s not easy. I’ve had plenty of boundary crossing episodes. Try to think of yourself and your role as being like “the cool aunt”. You’re always there to talk and give guidance, act as a good role model etc.