Post # 1
My roommate did not RSVP to my sister-in-law whether or not she was coming to my surprise shower last weekend, and I’m honestly kind of hurt about it. I’ve lived with her for a year and considered us to be acquaintance friends. She knew about my shower because she mentioned that she received a invitation about 3 weeks ago.
She has not asked me how my shower went, has not offered me a gift, did not mention why she wasn’t there or even what she did that day (when I left the house that morning, she was still asleep). I’m just confused and hurt, honestly. If she couldn’t go or just flat out didn’t want to go, she should have just told my sister-in-law that she couldn’t make it. Or said something to me afterwards, even if it was just “I’m sorry that I missed your shower. How was it?”
Our lease together ends at the end of the month and she is moving to her new place starting 5/15, so part of me feels like I need to clear the air and ask why she didn’t RSVP. Part of me feels like I have nothing to lose, because if this ends our friendship, I won’t be living with her anymore anyway, but I want to take the high road about it. My only concern is that she’ll be flaky about the wedding – that she will either RSVP yes and not show, or make me hunt her down for an answer.
For the record, this is not about her not giving a gift, I’m just hurt that she has ignored the situation (and me.)
What would you do?
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California
Is it possible she legitimately forgot? I wouldn’t say anything, but I’m not very confrontational & would rather salvage our friendship, rather than possibly demolish it.
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
I would definitely be tempted to ask, but I’m a very nonconfrontational person so I can’t say I would. I do think you should though.
Post # 5
I’d let it go. I understand you being hurt but she’s about to move out anyway. I don’t think its a big enough deal to start a big argument right before she moves out.
ETA: I am a relatively confrontational person; I don’t tend to keep my mouth shut about things that upset me, but idk… I guess I just dont think its worth it
Post # 6
If it were me, I would just say something like, ‘do you want to see some of the pictures from my shower? Wish you could have made it!’ or something like that, and see if she says anything. I’m with PPs in that I’m nonconfrontational, but I would want to know what happened!
Post # 7
@Wrenny: I’ve seen this possibility on other threads, but (and don’t take this the wrong way) maybe she doesn’t view your friendship the way you do? Maybe she sees you as a roommate, period, and not someone to hang out with? As for not RSVPing, maybe it’s just bad manners or she legitimately forgot (remember that in her head, you may *just* be roommates). I once had a roommate who I thought would be an acquiantance/friend roommate, but when I asked if she wanted to go down the street and grab a slice of pizza, she looked at me like I was crazy. Maybe your roommate is like that?
Either way – she’s moving out soon anyway. Just focus on your friends who actually did RSVP and show up to the shower.
Post # 8
i agree with iadornyou. Since she isn’t a close friend it isn’t worth getting all riled up about, but I’d be curious as to why or how she just plain forgot. So I’d find a way to mention the shower in a non-aggressive to see if she offers up any info. If she doesn’t, then just let it go.
I have to say that I have social anxiety disorder and I do a lot of things other people find very strange (I always RSVP though!!). Many times I will not go to parties I am invited to because of my anxiety, but I will saddle up and deal with it when I need to be there for someone. Perhaps she felt uncomfortable for some reason.
Post # 9
If the two of you aren’t close I wouldn’t let it bother you. I’ve been invited to the showers and bachelor parties of acquaintances before and I didn’t go. I’m of the school of thought that those events ought to be reserved for the nearest and dearest only.
Post # 10
@Wrenny: Id walk in and tell her all about my surprise shower and tell her how awesome it was. Then ask her if she got the invitation cause you heard from your SIL that she didnt get an RSVP and wasnt sure if you got it. I wouldnt turn it into a fight though.
Post # 12
Her only faux pas here is not RSVPing. I don’t think she really owes you an explanation, even though it would have been nice. If you knew she was invited, why didn’t you say something to her when you left…like, Hey, are you coming today? Or even before that? It doesn’t have to be a big deal unless you want it to be.