Post # 1
Fiance bought a house at the end of last year, which we moved into in January. Now, we’re about to add a roommate to the mix. We’re fine on money, we have enough to pay the bills and to go out on occasion, but more couldn’t hurt. We need to buy a new car, and our wedding is coming up in October so there are expenses associated with that. The problem is, the more I think about having a roommate, the more I worry about feeling put out in my own house. At this point, it is OUR home. I think it would be different if the three of us were renting a place together, but this place is ours. And when I think of the situations that might come up having a roommate, I wonder what it’s going to do to our relationship.
For example, obviously I wouldn’t want to tell our roommate (who is a friend of ours) that he couldn’t have people over, but when I get home from work i’m really just tired of being around people and wouldn’t want to come home and feel like I either have to socialize or go hide in our room. Also, the thought of the roommate, who is single, having girls over and possibly having sex in OUR house just bugs me.
I only work part time and don’t contribute as much financially so it’s hard to feel like I have much of a say. I know that my fiance stresses over money even though we’ve been doing fine, and having extra in the form of rent would take a lot of pressure off of him. However, the more I think about it the more I just can’t imagine living comfortably with a roommate, even if he is a friend.
Edit: We live in a two bedroom townhouse with around 1,000 sq ft. It’s perfect for the two of us but might be a bit cozy for three.
Post # 3
To be honest, it sounds like a roommate would not be a good idea for you guys, for valid reasons. No one wants to feel like they are sharing their marriage with another person.
Is there any other way you guys could cut to save money? Figure out how much a roommate would be paying a month and then, if you can, cut out an equivilant amount from your current monthly budget. If you buy clothes often, go out to eat, spend a lot on entertainment etc, try to get rid of those things first. I know you probably already do this, but sometimes money can come out of surprising places. For instance, when you go to the grocery store, do you buy a little soda at the checkout line? That’s a dollar fifty right there.
I think you should exhaust every other option before getting a roommate, especially feeling as you do.
Post # 4
That definitely sounds like a tough situation! What happens after the wedding? Maybe you can just have the roommate for a year and let him know that when the lease is up, he’ll need to find somewhere else to live.
Also, the size of the place and the personality of the roommate will have such a huge impact! If I was living with two married people, I’d feel like I was the one imposing! I’d be concerned about feeling like I lived in my bedroom and wanting to give the married people who owned the house, the space they needed!
Is it a house or a condo or…? That would also have a huge impact. I imagine, though, that if it’s a full house with a basement that could function as an apartment, you two might not feel like you need to share but who knows?
Hope all goes well!
Post # 5
I am in this situation now and I really wouldn’t recommend it. I have had a roommate of some sort in our house for the last 2 years and it has caused issues that would not be there otherwise.
We now have to have the carpets replaced in our current roommates room because she started smoking awhile after moving in. Even though she only smokes outside, her clothes and the room she rents from us stinks now :/
Thankfully our current one doesn’t do this, but our prior roommate was a guy and had his girlfriend over frequently. We would be in bed watching a movie and then hear them loudly going at it in our house. Not fun! Or since he had a different work schedule he would be up at like 3 am making food when we were trying to sleep.
Also sharing fridge space, laundry room, figuring out shower times, etc can be quite annoying. All things concidered i really feel like the extra income isn’t worth it. Because of all the problems we are finally having out current roommate move out the end of Aug and I cannot wait!
Post # 6
I personally hated having our room mate. We live in an apartment and he moved in the day before we left for our wedding (out of state). By the time he got back he basically took over the apartment. I would come home after work and all of his drugged up friends were spread out in our living room drinking and then trashing the place. He randomly brought people over for week long periods without telling us and only paid us half at a time saying that he gave it to us but never did.
I don’t recommend it at all. It really came between me and my husband. We were bickering over it comfortably. I never felt comfortable in my own house. The bathroom is in the hallway so I would have to get dressed in the bathroom and then go to my room in case he would walk it. I felt I could never relax without being judged. Since he moved out our relationship has improved. There is less arguing and I actually feel like I have the place to ourselves again.
If it is money you are worried about I would highly suggest finding a better paying job to cover what could potentially be income from the room mate. That is what I had to do to get him to move out.
Post # 7
Adding a roomate to the mix will definitely make you feel “put out of your own house” because it really does change everything. Even the friendship could suffer from it.
In my first marriage, we had an extra bedroom and a good friend needing a place to stay and we let him move in. He never helped clean, he never helped cook or buy food and never ever had his rent. When he finally moved out, my ex and I didn’t even speak to him for five years. Eventually, we did make up and our friendship was fine when our friend died a few years later, but having him as our roomate when we were first married put a tremendous amount of stress on all three of us.
Post # 8
Hmm, I dont think this is a good idea. This is a time for you and your fiance and trust me with the stress of wedding planning, a roommate will only add aggrevate the situation. Is there any way you can bring in more income? maybe get a full time job? That will take the stress of your fiance and give you two the space and privacy you need.
Post # 9
Why don’t you just look for a full time job, or a second part time job, instead? That seems like an obvious way to bring in more cash.
Post # 10
When DH and I got engaged, we were living with a roommate. After we got engaged we found a place for just the two of us which was amazing. We loved the privacy of our first home for just the two of us. DH has been unemployed for over a year now, so we finally made the difficult decision to have a temporary roommate to supplement our income. It is only for 3 months and this particular person (a friend of a friend) is so incredibly respectful. Still, we miss our privacy and the feeling that this is “ours.” Of course, when you actually own the home, I bet that feeling would be increased. If you need the money, like PP have suggested, maybe it is time to look for a second PT job or a full time job. Is it possible to have this person move in for a shortened period of time as a trial run? Good luck!