- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2014
Hey bees, I am feeling better now, but I had a rough day today. I went to Target with the boo, to pick up prescriptions, ans since I am between insurances, it initially cost $253. Thankfully, the pharmacist there is awesome, so she used my AAA card, and I got it for $91, but still. I had to charge it, because even though I just got paid, I dont make a lot, nad have alot of bills. I was trying to pay my CC debt down, but it doesn’t look like thats happening anytime soon. I went to my parents house for Thanksgiving part 3, and got a notice in the mail that my aesthetics license is up for renewal. I have barely used the damn thing, which depresses me to no end, but my Fiance and mom are making me renew it ‘just in case’.
My HS reunion was tonight, and I wasnt even told about it. Not that I wanted to go, but it just kind of adds a poignancy to my evening. I am 28, and make less than I made when I was 21. I work in my field, in a roundabout way, with a bunch of 21 year olds, but I’m not using the license I got, and I need 2 years of experience before I can get any sort of decent job.
I have a great, supportive fiance, but I just wanted/expected so much more. I wont be married until I’m 30, which makes me feel old compared to alot of the other bees, and by the time I have kids (if I even can, because I have PCOS) who the hell knows how old I’ll be. I have a ton of student loan debt, for tech shools I barely used, and no college degree. I could go back to school, but have no idea what I’d be good at, and the thought of 4-6 years of school is beyond daunting. I know none of this stuff is tragic, or irrevocable, but just thinking about my peers in school ,and what they do for work/have accomplished makes me feel crappy. I just feel really down and bleak about the future, and guilty and stupid for wasting my time in the past. FH tells me to relax, and that it will be okay, that he loves me, and not to compare myself to others, but still. I just feel old, fat and like I’ve accomplished nothing in my life. I’m seeing my shrink Wednesday, but right now I just want to crawl in to a hole. Can anyone relate?