(Closed) Rough patch in relationship – right before the wedding…

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2411 posts
Buzzing bee

@vlbee:  

 

But there are these trust issues from our past that have been creeping back in and causing fights.

 

What happened? Were these little trust issues (random hypothetical example – you tend to be overly jealous and project your insecurities onto him) or big trust issues (he was caught flirting with another girl or worse)?

And why did the trust issues come “creeping back in?” Did he do something that pushes your buttons/raises red flags? Or were you just worried about “what if’s?”

Post # 5
Member
5199 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

Have you guys done any pre-marital counseling? A month to go, I think I would try and get in for some sessions in the next week or two.

To answer your question, no, this did not happen with me, but I have known other couples who got really stressed out and had a few more conflicts right before a wedding. I would be concerned about having “trust issues” at this point, though. “Trust issues” are a pretty big deal im a relationship, in my opinion, and not things that you should be going into a marriage with. I really recommend counseling for you both together, even if you feel “happy” this week, as clearly these are deeper underlying things that need addressing.

Post # 6
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

vlbee This part sounded very familiar to me: We spent a whole week fighting every day going through this trying to get to a solution but I think we kind of did, after a lot of crying and yelling and hurt

A couple months ago, Fiance and I were fighting like crazy, way more than we had fought before our engagement. All of these issues just kept popping up relentlessly. I felt like he wasn’t willing to stand up to his family for me. He said he didn’t even know who I was anymore. We talked and talked and talked over things until we didn’t even know what we were talking about anymore. It cut deeply, and I was scared about the future of our relationship.

A little space helped us a ton. I went solo to Easter with my family (which was planned), but those couple days apart helped distance us from the conflict and negativity. When I got back, we realized that we had been stressed and trying to figure out making a new family of two is HARD.

Not too long ago, I wasn’t sure how we could recover our relationship and move on with the wedding. Now, I just wish it was Saturday so we could get married.

I think the conflict helped us to realize that we weren’t a “super couple”, and really, no one is. We have better ideas of one another’s expectations. We know that it’s going to be hard sometimes, but that we can still rely on each other when things aren’t sunshine and roses.

Post # 9
Member
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

We DEFINITELY fought before the wedding. Ugh, we’d fight over EVERYTHING. Darling Husband finally acknowledged that it was mostly stress over the wedding. We fought over money because he was stressed about spending that much at once. We fought over other stuff just because we both had short fuses. 

Post # 10
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

vlbee I know what you mean. We both were trying so hard, but were both so emotional, and you feel like to have to fix it NOW because of the wedding coming up… there’s no other way to put it but that it just sucked. I wish you all the best, and I hope that knowing that you guys aren’t alone and that it can get better helps you. Thank you for the well-wishes 🙂 Feel free to PM me if you want to talk!

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