Post # 1
Background: SO lost his job at the end of December (company hired too many from the temp agency they went through and after the 90 days offered them all a job and then decided to let two go…SO was one of the last two) and has been trying so hard to look for a job, and has had interviews for jobs that have fell through. We went to dinner on our anniversary in January and he told me had he not lost his job, he would have saved a little from each check and then used some of his tax money if needed to buy a ring……and then would have proposed 3/13/13.
Unfortunately, this day is now. I know it is only a couple hours into the day (almost 3a here in MN), but I am having kind of a hard time with it. A small part of me is glad he told me about that, being that I would have still been expecting it sooner than later (because he had hinted a little bit about already having some saved) depending on when he found a job….I wasn’t expecting, even with the hard job search right now, that it would take this long. The other large part of me wishes he didn’t give me a specific date, because now I am bummed because I could have been engaged by the end of today! 🙁 And now who knows when it is going to happen.
My friend’s husband’s company is expanding at the end of this month/beginning of next month so hopefully if the other job he interviewed for doesn’t hire him, he can get this job and we can be less stressed about money and whatnot. I have a good job as a nurse, so we’re not totally broke, but it is still a little rough at some points when a lot of the bills are due within a week and a half….and then the next week is rent for our townhome. PRAY something happens soon as far as a new job goes, please!!!
I’m not sure what I’m looking for as far as this post goes…..I guess I just wanted to vent and get my stupid waiting emotions out. I know, even if I have to wait another year or so, that it will still mean the world to me to get to become engaged and start planning the rest of my life with my man. It is just hard right now. And I wish I wouldn’t feel so bummed and sometimes a little frustrated. I know it is not his fault, but I still hate that this all happened at such an inconvenient time. Ah!
Post # 3
I totally get where you’re coming from! A few months ago my SO and I were in a minor car accident (it was our fault, no one was hurt, it was just a small fender bender) but because we are so young (22) we had to pay a lot for insurance. This resulted in us losing a lot of our savings 🙁 the thing that really sucks is my SO says that if that didn’t happen then we would be engaged already.. But it did happen. And now we’re back to rebuilding our savings. Like yourself, there’s nothing we can do but take each day as it comes (and each pay cheque!).
I really wish you and your SO the best of luck in him finding a new job soon! I’m sure he will be employed again soon and before you know it this time of your life will seem so insignificant. I know this day will be tough, it will probably also be tough for your SO (he wanted to ask you to marry him today and he can’t because of a series of unfortunate events).
Please update and let us know how you guys go! Praying that he gets a job soon 🙂
Post # 4
Urgh, just wrote you a huge reply but it didn’t post, so here goes again.
I just wanted to say I know how you are feeling. Last April SO and I had a timeline talk and agreed to get married Spring 2014 so we would plan on getting engaged EARLY 2013. He said he would save for a ring etc. So of course I thought this was a done deal. In Oct we moved in with each other. SO struggled to find full time employment in our new area so pretty much had no money for 5 months with me having to pay for most things including rent and bills. It sucked. It sucked even more knowing that a proposal let alone a ring would be coming. Of course EARLY 2013 has been and gone. No engagement in sight.
Of course I am super bummed but it isn’t anyones fault. It has just been a tough time. I wish I could talk to him about it but don’t want to make him feel bad. I makes me super bummed some days but oh well.
I just wanted to say, things will get better. After 5 months SO finally landed his dream job and now we won’t be so poor. Even though I doubt a proposal will be coming any time soon. So…. without meaning to tread jack I just wanted to explain I know how you feel.
I am sure you SO will find something soon. I know it sucks to have a timeline and then have it taken away and to be in limbo again. PM me if you want to vent. I know I need to once in a while but sadly all of my friends are married and seem to have forgotten what it is like to wait! Good luck to you xxx
Post # 5
I’m so sorry about what you are going through :-(… but hang in there because at least you know for sure its something that he is not only thinking about making moves on …
The hard thing for us ‘waiting’ is that no matter what is going on around us we still really want to be enagaged we can’t help that esp. when hearing all the other women getting proposed to etc. it kind of adds to the anticiapation of things you know…
I think for men its so hard because the status of their careers really define who they are and if they dont feel like they’re making any money or working then it will put a damper on everything.
I’m sure once your man gets back on his feet the first thing he’s going to do is purchase that ring and propose to you 🙂
Good Luck ! keep us posted
Post # 6
@Miss_Lala: thanks soo much for your words of encouragement! I had some distreactions throughout the day so it wasnt as bad as unthought it would be but it was still on my mind all day….waiting sucks.
@MsBeer: we also moved I with each other inOctober and I’ve paid for everything for the past 2.5 months. It sucks bit I know it will start to look up here soon I hope!!!! When we first talked timelines about 8-10 months ago, he stated that it wouldn’t be til we were together for at least a year and now it’s past that..and the fact that I knew it was supposed to be yesterday makes the whole waiting timeline that much harder. It sounds like we were/are in kinda the same boat to a certain extent. A lot of my friends have gotten married or were married before I met them…..or recently got engaged in the last couple months. It has been so so so so hard to watch them all move forward while it sometimes sirens like I’m at a stand-still. It’ll be okay…I hope soon!!!!
@BeautyBox: you are soo righty and I think he will too!!!
i want to take a little section to thank you ladies for your words of encouragement and such kind words. He also knows I don’t mind if it isn’t a real diamond at first as long as it is not a CZ…..and we talked a couple weeks ago and we decided we can upgrade to a diamond a few years down the road if he feels so strongly about it. I think he feels embarrassed and a little cheap that he can’t afford a nice diamond the size he would like to get right now. I’d be okay with either a moissanite or asha Stone though. Who knows what will happen!! I’ll keep you all updated though!
Post # 7
@NicoleLyn1218: awww you sound like you have an amazing man in your life ,
He def wants to make you happy!
just reassure him that you just want to be with him and have something to show for it , as soon as he gets back on his feet he will give you something amazing i’m sure …
this could be a test of how strong you guys really are andyou guys sound pretty solid to me 🙂
Post # 8
@BeautyBox: aww thanks! His mom actually said that when it had only been a few weeks after he lost it. And I think it’s quite true!! We’ve had a couple rough moments but we both are the type of people to wait until the steam rolls over and then talk about it instead of letting things bottle up and get worse. It’s been quite stressful but we’re doing very well, if I do say so myself.
He doesn’t like to have his sensitive side hanging out there but he really lets it show with me. To everyone he seems like a tough guy but he’s so sweet and caring….and would never admit to watching a chick flick with me and getting tears in his eyes but sometimes he does. He may drive me nuts sometimes but I love him! And how he wants to make me happy….he does that every day and will continue to do so by making me his wife someday soon!! 🙂
Post # 9
@NicoleLyn1218: Yes, it does sound like we are in the same boat. Me and SO will be together 4 years this summer so I think now is the right time but oh well. I need to wait for him to get back on his feet and once he feels more like a man and a grown up things may change. It is tough though. I have never been the kind of person who wants things just because everyone else has them if you know what I mean but god damn it I want to marry him. His problem is he feels like he has to wait until he is good enough for me! I am like, honey, if I didn’t think you were good enough for me I would have kicked you out by now! ha ha. Anyway like I said PM me if you ever want to rant about how much waiting sucks the big one! x
Post # 10
@NicoleLyn1218: Oh wow ! thats so sweet and those moments you guys have b/w you two just justify why he sees you as the one b/c for men its so hard to show thier more sensitive side and you’ve made him feel that comfortable and so you WILL be his wife one day and I’m sure he looks at you that way already 🙂
Good Luck !
Post # 11
@MsBeer: Hhahahahahahh same thing about him being “good enough” for my man too….since he is unemployed right now he doesn’t feel like he is good enough either. He sometimes gets really down about it and then he asks things like “Do you still love me, even though I don’t have a job?” and whatnot. Of course I do – obviously I can pay the bills and rent by myself, so if I didn’t love him I would have also kicked him out by now. And I’m not the type for wanting someone because of money or anything like that anyways! I totally feel the same about just wanting to marry my man – I want to be married and be able to start having kids and/or looking for a house for us to own……after he gets back on his feet financially that is! We’ve only been together for a year and a half, but have talked about marriage and kids and the whole shebang since we were dating for like 4 months and knew each other for 6. I love him more than I ever thought possible….eventually it’ll happen. JUST not when I thought it would or wanted it to. Haha.
@BeautyBox: We went to see the movie Safe Haven and the end is sad, I looked over at him because I had tears in my eyes and he covered half his face and was like “Don’t look at me!” because he had tears in his. It was so sweet and I love seeing that side of him – being vulnerable at times is a good thing! Hahhahahahhahaha it’s funny you say “I’m sure he lokos at you that way already” because when he starts frustrating me I say his first and last name, and he looks at me with a shit grin on his face and says “Nicole (insert his last name)” or sometimes refers to me as his wife, and I always say “That’s not my last name yet”……or “I’m not your wife yet” and he says something along the lines of “Well it will be (or you will be) someday soon!” I love love love hearing things like that. It soooo is hard for men to show that side. None of the people I’ve dated in the past have shown any hint of that side. He’s also sooooo much like my dad in so many ways (beard, likes chick flicks, shows his vulnerable side once and a while, loves a good boob grab, says things like my dad does or has, etc.)…..and when I was little I guess I used to tell my mom I was going to marry my dad, obviously knowing that isn’t possible — except for finding someone just like him! Haha.