(Closed) RSVP accepted…with 3 EXTRA adults?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

you are not overreacting at all!

First of all, if it is Fi’s side of the family, than he or your Future Mother-In-Law are responsible to contact them, and you should make the request again.

Secondly, even if you were to accept the extra RSVPs, you would still need to know their names for escort cards/seating purposes.

Thirdly, how can anyone expect you to just take 3 people (who may be complete strangers!)

If your fi and Future Mother-In-Law are compeltely unwilling, I would attempt to call or emial yourself asking for explanation at least, and requesting that they only attend to two of them at best.

I definitely don’t think you should just leave it be though!  Keep us posted on how it works out.

Post # 4
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I’m kind of in a similar situation.  My one and only bridesmaid won’t send back her RSVP because she’s not sure of how many she’s bringing with.  The invite only had her and her son!!  (She’s a single Mom).  I’m having trouble on how to deal with this.  I don’t want to make her mad, but I just don’t have the room for this random guy and quite possibly his 2 kids!!

Post # 5
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I agree with Latte.  You’re not overreacting – and your Fiance or his mom needs to take care of it!  Adding three adults to an invite is totally bizarre.  We never run out of stories about crazy behavior on these boards, now do we?  Haha.

Post # 6
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Ack! This is not the first post I’ve read on this topic, I don’t get it – it’s so darned rude! I know people probably don’t realize it’s rude, though. I am totally worried about this now!

I think it should become custom to mail a short pamphlet regarding wedding etiquette out with your invites. They could include sections like:

Filling Out The RSVP Card – this is a wedding, not a kegger. If you insist on bringing extra guests, please send in $200 per extra guest with your RSVP to cover the extra costs involved.

 

Post # 7
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

No!  You aren’t over-reacting.  Does Fi or Future Mother-In-Law know who these 3 mystery guests might be?  Their kids, perhaps?   

If you have an idea of who they are, maybe you could attack it that way.  

If Fiance or Future Mother-In-Law won’t contact them, then you need to.

If you end up doing it – I would say something like:  Uncle X, How are you?  We were excited to receive your RSVP and are so happy you will be able to attend the wedding – but I was confused when I saw you RSVP’d for 5.  (pause – hopefully they will explain who).  Then, you can say – we really wish we could accommodate the extras, but we have had to limit the guest list and are not able to have extra guests.  (or, we aren’t having children at the wedding, etc.)

You can be gracious in the way you approach it and it doesn’t have to be a ‘bad’ conversation.  They are out of line for assuming they can invite people and it’s totally fine for you to call them out on it.

 

Post # 9
Member
900 posts
Busy bee

“this is a wedding, not a kegger.”

 

HAHAHAHAHA.  Cracking up.

Post # 10
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I second the “being gracious but saying you can’t fit other people in” option. It’s just not okay for people to add on RSVP’s! And I know it’s going to happen and it’s just not okay! I’m not even engaged yet and it’s already stressing me out.

Post # 11
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Sometimes I think people just don’t get how much it costs for each person. I’ve had people offer to pay our ‘per person” cost for extra guests… but it’s never just that. Add 20% gratuity, then sales tax, extra favors, rentals, cake, the list goes in. It adds up QUICKLY.

Post # 12
Member
531 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Lol @ the kegger comment. I think you should go ahead and type up that pamphlet just got giggles! 😛 I’d read it for sure.

 

Post # 13
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Just keep in mind, they’re the ones who are out of line here.  People aren’t supposed to tack on guests as they please, especially if they didn’t consult with you first.  It’s perfectly okay for you to graciously tell them you can’t accomodate their added guests, you’re definitely not overreacting.

Post # 14
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

My girlfriend called me last night with this same problem.  She had 3 people turn in cards with extra people on there.  So the total extras come out to 10 people.  That means another $1500 in food/drinks to accomodate them plus another table with flowers.  They are all on her side and she’s asked her mother to contact two of them which are her uncles.  The one is a Bridesmaid or Best Man and the girl is planning on bringing a date (which it was addressed plus guest) and then her two parents. 

I told her that she needed to let the Bridesmaid or Best Man know that she can bring a date but not parents and her mom needed to talk to the Uncles.  They are bringing their adult kids and their girlfriends.  What?

Post # 15
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I do think that it is rude to include others on the RSVP that people send back. People just don’t get it.

Vintage2010…. What in the world is your friend serving at her wedding to be $150 per person? is this common to spend that much in Texas??

Post # 16
Member
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Lacylust – I don’t know about Texas but that’s not strange here.  Especially if you’re having a premium open bar, or adding rentals!

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